What the hell, let's do it again. Iron Author round 2.

[camwyn]

I've got the next chapter of Hellblazer: Hogwarts under way, but work is driving me crazy lately and I can't keep my attention span on much. Give me something new and funky to work on. Let's play Iron Author. If you've been around for the first rounds, you know the drill. If not, this is a common writing exercise, inspired by cadhla and suitably adapted.

You can have fanfiction:

Give me a character and one thing more -- a mood, a genre, a situation, an episode -- and I'll write you at least a drib right here in the comments. (A pairing and a situation are okay too, if you'd prefer. However, I am far more proficient at genfic.).

If you're on my friends list I suspect you already know what fandoms I can handle. Not taking any requests for people from Joss Whedon shows, as I never really watched them to begin with. If you're not sure, ask, and I'll see what I can do.

Unlike stakebait I am not proficient in poetry, so you're not gettin' any.

On the other hand, you're free to ask for original fiction.

Give me a genre (mystery, science fiction, porn, etc.) and a starting point, be it situation, character, dilemma, etc. And I will write you a dribble of original fiction -- most likely brand new, but possibly using a world or characters I've created in the past. I reserve the right to try to turn one of these into a real story and sell it, in the unlikely event that I'm attacked by inspiration.

Afterwards I'll do up a post or two with links to each comment, so people don't have to wade through the threads to find them.

I would prefer not to repeat anything from last round, so if you challenged before, come up with something new. I will, however, be doing whobunkyboo's request from LAST round just as soon as I can get in a bit of a reread on Small Gods.

Comments

[fireborn.livejournal.com]

Samuel Vimes explaining about a chicken.

[truebluespark]

Hmm... How about... Lobsang Ludd and discovery? (Just re-read Thief of Time the other night.)

[dancing-moon.livejournal.com]

Because there needs to be more Hellblazer-fanfic in the world - John fiddling with a new spell, with a unexpected but not deadly, result. Please?

[ivorykisses.livejournal.com]

Egon's new hat.

[inverseparadox.livejournal.com]

A pipe-weed farmer in a panic or crisis, possibly economic in nature.

ClassicDrogn likes Phish Food

[(Anonymous)]

Hermione is upset and pining for Ben & Jerries, or a UK equivalent thereof.

- CD

[dragonwhishes.livejournal.com]

Fate and the Lady getting interested by Earth, choose their players and sides & cause said groups to be thrown to the Discworld.

[stakebait.livejournal.com]

let's go for original fic this time. Mystery, on a space station. Thanks!

[drharper.livejournal.com]

Great. I need some fic therapy. :)

Seeing it's just a couple months away...John Constantine at the National Storyteller's Festival in Jonesboro, TN. ;)

[sarekofvulcan.livejournal.com]

Shrek and Donkey magically transported to Disneyland in our world.

[eljuno.livejournal.com]

Harry Potter, something involving any male Ravenclaw.

[camwyn]

Will you accept Disneyworld or EPCOT instead? I've never been to the Anaheim park.

[akawil]

A person who studied squid in Sri Lanka meets an apprentice Welsh mole catcher. Any genre.

(Based on two rather unpopular items in the backstory shop in Jasper Fforde's Well of Lost Plots.)

[sarekofvulcan.livejournal.com]

I haven't been to any of them, so whatever works for you. :-)

[camwyn]

"I- I'm sorry," said Pando Burrows, "but it's impossible. Quite impossible."

The Man's face darkened. Tall, sallow, squint-eyed, he was very nearly the hobbit's opposite in every way. He had the broad, bulging shoulders of one whose living comes from the sword; Pando was pudgy and rounded, befitting a farmer long since retired. Where the Man's hair was greasy, long and black, Pando's was of a neatly trimmed silver. Pando smelt of smoke and growing things, as did most hobbits in this part of the Shire; the Man, well, he smelt of far less pleasant things, none of which Pando cared to name.

"That decision ain't yours to make," the Man growled. "This is yer son-in-law's farm, innit?"

Pando sighed. In a tone he kept for the slowest of his grandchildren, he said, "It is, but it's not a decision. What Mister Sharkey is asking cannot be done. There's none of last year's leaf left to buy."

"What's that in the fields then? Looks bloody ripe to me," the Man said. He drew a wicked-looking knife from somewhere in his sleeve and set to picking dirt out from under his nails.

Pando paled. Rallying, he managed, "That- that's already spoken for- sold away to the West-farthing. Soon as it's cut and cured it's being shipped to them."

"Sharkey can-"

"Sharkey can't," said another voice. "That'd be breach of contract." It was a second hobbit, younger, leaner, still in the hat he'd worn in the fields. "I've already sold and signed on it. It's not mine to sell twice."

The knife paused. "So you're the famous Bungo Hornblower," the man rasped. "Congratulations."

"On what?" said the younger hobbit, laying one hand on his trembling father-in-law's shoulder.

"Why, on being the last hold-out in the whole Southfarthing. This is what, four refusals now?"

"Three," said Bungo.

The Man nodded. "Three," he said to himself. "Sharkey'll remember that. . . How's the wife, Bungo? She had that baby yet?"

"I think you should leave now," Bungo said, staring at the man. "I don't want to have to set the dogs on you."

The Man eyed the two hobbits, then gave a surprised laugh. "Very well!" he cried, and made a mocking bow. "I don't want to wear out my welcome, hey?"

"You did that the day you first set foot in the Shire," Bungo said.

The man laughed again, turning to mount the bony grey horse tethered to the fence-post. As he rode away, Bungo turned to his father-in-law. "Start packing," he said.

"Er? What?"

"Packing, Dad. I'm going to have to return the Tooks' money. Where's Beryl?"

"She's got the baby down at the stream. Why? And what's this about the money?"

Bungo smiled, a dry, unhappy smile. "That fellow's going to be back tonight, I'll wager," he said. "If I know his kind at all, there'll be torches in both his hands and enough lamp-oil in his saddlebags to last us a year. I've got to return that money, because all that'll be left of the field crop by tomorrow's going to be an awful lot of smoke."

Pando stared at him, horrified.

"I'd pack if I were you," Bungo said.

[camwyn]

Would ladymondegreen be terribly upset if I hit you over the head with a very large stick?

[penguinzero.livejournal.com]

A fable, describing how the human race finally tamed and bridled the scourges we now know as Bells. Bonus points for including the terrible price we paid in the process.

[akawil]

She'd probably agree I deserved it.

But I figured, it's not really Iron Chef if they don't occasionally bring out natto.

[(Anonymous)]

The Discworld's versions of Master Li and Number Ten Ox trying to hold a rational conversation with the new Agatean Emperor (Cohen or Twoflower, you pick).

[kali921.livejournal.com]

Orophin of Lórien discovering that he is out of his ultra deep conditioning hair conditioner, while getting ready for a hot date with Éowyn. He then discovers he has - gasp! - a split end.

[camwyn]

... Congratulations. I think you just found the point at which I jam my 33-decibel earplugs in, cover my eyes, and start yelling "LA LA LA I AM NOT LISTENING TO YOOOOOOOO...."

[kali921.livejournal.com]

Awwww c'mon!!

Ok, how about this: Orophin reflects on the day that his younger brother Rúmil was born, where he realizes that he is now a middle child. Rut roh!

[mattador.livejournal.com]

Books of Magic/ Hellblazer- Alleahthea and John Constantine in a parking lot- eitehr genfic or shippy, I care not.

[mattador.livejournal.com]

Okay, taht's just cool.

[dragomorph.livejournal.com]

A decent explanation for how the Ghostbusters could have defeated Gozer in 1984 and still have it happen six months ago in 2004.

Dragomorph
"A tad obsessed with the comics at the moment"