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camwynOg here. Og just get back from movie "Transformers 2: Revenge of Fallen".
Og want say first that Og have fun watch movie. Og very pleased with many part movie. Og want make that clear. Now that Og clear on that, Og want say this:
What.
WHAT.
MICHAEL BAY, WHY YOU DO THAT.
... Og better put spoiler cut here.
Okay. So.
Og leave place as computer mog-ur early today to go see Revenge of Fallen. Og know little bit about movie to start with, because Og friend give Og free copy of first comic book part of movie. Og not big spoiler fan so Og not look for more than what in there. Og get to theater with cow meat and cheese, also big thing of drink, so Og settle down in seat and wait for movie.
It say, first, that world of robots and world of humans together more than anyone think. Peter Cullen make good voice for that. Og just starting to relax when movie say it 17,000 BCE. Okay, Og think, that good time for robot to land on Earth, lose power, go to sleep for long time. Og good with... wait. That bunch hunters. Hunters have black skin. That okay, Og good with that, but... they hunting tiger. Not saber-tooth. Tiger. This kind. Og think to self, "Og, that really bad omen."
Og hate to say it, but Og right.
*sigh* Og try so hard to like this whole movie, but try not good enough. Michael Bay put many many robot in movie. That okay. Og deal with that even though og not hear any robot name, have to watch credit to find out what robot in movie. Problem: Michael Bay say, "I know! We make FUNNY ROBOT TWINS! We give them WHOLE LOT SCREEN TIME!" Bigger problem: Michael Bay not good at funny. Michael Bay get scent of joke, joke better run fast, or Michael Bay catch joke and make joke stay on screen three times longer than joke actually funny. Og wished Optimus let Ironhide blow up Ron and Judy Witwicky last movie at one point, so that this movie make Og teeth hurt less. Og also wished Mojo run away between movie. Michael Bay think Mojo humping new Witwicky dog so funny, it wind up on screen two, three times. Og not even go into robot twins here, except to say, how you get robot with crooked buck teeth? Skids and Mudflap AUTOBOTS. Og thought only Megatron have teeth, for scare other robots. Why Skids and Mudflap need teeth?
Og also not much happy with human bureaucrat. Maybe Michael Bay think, hm, Agent Simmons make good nemesis in first movie, should have nemesis in suit in THIS movie too. But this nemesis stupid. This nemesis get put in charge of human-Autobot military team, and decide Autobots need go away, so Decepticons not come looking for them. Og not remember him name, so Og call him Peck, because him almost as stupid as Peck from Ghostbusters. Okay, yes, we get point. Soldiers know what going on in war. Civilians not have all info, make bad decisions, get in trouble, especially when civilians not respect war dead. WE GET IT. STOP HIT OG OVER HEAD WITH BIG STUPID STICK OR OG HIT YOU BACK.
Oh, when Og say 'war dead' Og mean Optimus Prime. Yes, Optimus get killed. Him get better. Him OPTIMUS PRIME, okay? You expect Optimus Prime stay dead? Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Anyway. Peck call dead Optimus 'pile of scrap metal' in front of Ironhide, Ratchet, Bumblebee, and twenty human soldier, so Og surprised Peck not wind up pile of ash on spot. Peck get pushed out airplane eventually, though, so that okay even if Peck surpvive.
Og admit, movie have many good part. Og impressed with any scene have soldier in it. Og impressed with Sam Witwicky once Sam start seeing weird alien hieroglyphics in class. (Before that, Sam as annoying as mom and dad Witwicky. Sorry, Sam. Og only trying tell truth here.) Og pretty sure Ravage going to show up in Og nightmare because HOLY MATING SPIRITS that cat-bot scariest sneak-hunter ever. Og also much pleased with Agent Simmons. him make damn good by end of movie. Og happy see Sideswipe even if not Lambo, also not twin of Sunstreaker; Og miss Sideswipe, really. og happy hear about Seekers even if not all Seekers jets. Og happy there Matrix of Leadership even if it weird. Devastator also impressive. And Optimus fight against Megatron, Starscream, two other Decepticon all by himself enough to make ANYONE respect Autobot leader. Og almost cry when Optimus get killed in that fight.
But that just not enough. Og so very sorry, but- Great Pyramid have big big alien machine under it? Not in cave complex, but RIGHT INSIDE STONE? Devastator hit top of pyramid, make rock fall, oh look there big big Cybertronian gun? Og pretty sure Goua'uld gonna be upset about that. Og not know reason why gun there or exactly what gun do. That thing of drink Og mention? Og had to go use little cave dude room partway through movie. Og wind up going during scene where Jetfire explain what that about, also what Matrix of Leadership do. Oh well.
In end, Og sad Michael bay take movie Og want very very much to like and spend so much time try make it funny that Og wind up sulking too much to enjoy rest properly. Og also have trouble follow what goign on with Fallen because most of robot, most of human talk much, much, MUCh too fast to follow properly. Og want know why michael Bay do that. Og probably gonna buy toy from movie, maybe go see again with friend who not see yet, but Og think probably okay movie to wait for DVD.
(One other thing. Og spend whole movie going "Wait, why Fallen sound so familiar? Michael Bay, you hire Keith David? Revenge of Goliath?" But no. Og see credits, Og find out Tony Todd is voice of Fallen. Og not see Candyman, but Og know that name anyway. Tony Todd do voice in Half-Life 2, Episode 2, so this make this movie Transformers 2: Revenge of Gordon Freeman's Bitchy Vortigaunt Friend.)
Og want say first that Og have fun watch movie. Og very pleased with many part movie. Og want make that clear. Now that Og clear on that, Og want say this:
What.
WHAT.
MICHAEL BAY, WHY YOU DO THAT.
... Og better put spoiler cut here.
Okay. So.
Og leave place as computer mog-ur early today to go see Revenge of Fallen. Og know little bit about movie to start with, because Og friend give Og free copy of first comic book part of movie. Og not big spoiler fan so Og not look for more than what in there. Og get to theater with cow meat and cheese, also big thing of drink, so Og settle down in seat and wait for movie.
It say, first, that world of robots and world of humans together more than anyone think. Peter Cullen make good voice for that. Og just starting to relax when movie say it 17,000 BCE. Okay, Og think, that good time for robot to land on Earth, lose power, go to sleep for long time. Og good with... wait. That bunch hunters. Hunters have black skin. That okay, Og good with that, but... they hunting tiger. Not saber-tooth. Tiger. This kind. Og think to self, "Og, that really bad omen."
Og hate to say it, but Og right.
*sigh* Og try so hard to like this whole movie, but try not good enough. Michael Bay put many many robot in movie. That okay. Og deal with that even though og not hear any robot name, have to watch credit to find out what robot in movie. Problem: Michael Bay say, "I know! We make FUNNY ROBOT TWINS! We give them WHOLE LOT SCREEN TIME!" Bigger problem: Michael Bay not good at funny. Michael Bay get scent of joke, joke better run fast, or Michael Bay catch joke and make joke stay on screen three times longer than joke actually funny. Og wished Optimus let Ironhide blow up Ron and Judy Witwicky last movie at one point, so that this movie make Og teeth hurt less. Og also wished Mojo run away between movie. Michael Bay think Mojo humping new Witwicky dog so funny, it wind up on screen two, three times. Og not even go into robot twins here, except to say, how you get robot with crooked buck teeth? Skids and Mudflap AUTOBOTS. Og thought only Megatron have teeth, for scare other robots. Why Skids and Mudflap need teeth?
Og also not much happy with human bureaucrat. Maybe Michael Bay think, hm, Agent Simmons make good nemesis in first movie, should have nemesis in suit in THIS movie too. But this nemesis stupid. This nemesis get put in charge of human-Autobot military team, and decide Autobots need go away, so Decepticons not come looking for them. Og not remember him name, so Og call him Peck, because him almost as stupid as Peck from Ghostbusters. Okay, yes, we get point. Soldiers know what going on in war. Civilians not have all info, make bad decisions, get in trouble, especially when civilians not respect war dead. WE GET IT. STOP HIT OG OVER HEAD WITH BIG STUPID STICK OR OG HIT YOU BACK.
Oh, when Og say 'war dead' Og mean Optimus Prime. Yes, Optimus get killed. Him get better. Him OPTIMUS PRIME, okay? You expect Optimus Prime stay dead? Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Anyway. Peck call dead Optimus 'pile of scrap metal' in front of Ironhide, Ratchet, Bumblebee, and twenty human soldier, so Og surprised Peck not wind up pile of ash on spot. Peck get pushed out airplane eventually, though, so that okay even if Peck surpvive.
Og admit, movie have many good part. Og impressed with any scene have soldier in it. Og impressed with Sam Witwicky once Sam start seeing weird alien hieroglyphics in class. (Before that, Sam as annoying as mom and dad Witwicky. Sorry, Sam. Og only trying tell truth here.) Og pretty sure Ravage going to show up in Og nightmare because HOLY MATING SPIRITS that cat-bot scariest sneak-hunter ever. Og also much pleased with Agent Simmons. him make damn good by end of movie. Og happy see Sideswipe even if not Lambo, also not twin of Sunstreaker; Og miss Sideswipe, really. og happy hear about Seekers even if not all Seekers jets. Og happy there Matrix of Leadership even if it weird. Devastator also impressive. And Optimus fight against Megatron, Starscream, two other Decepticon all by himself enough to make ANYONE respect Autobot leader. Og almost cry when Optimus get killed in that fight.
But that just not enough. Og so very sorry, but- Great Pyramid have big big alien machine under it? Not in cave complex, but RIGHT INSIDE STONE? Devastator hit top of pyramid, make rock fall, oh look there big big Cybertronian gun? Og pretty sure Goua'uld gonna be upset about that. Og not know reason why gun there or exactly what gun do. That thing of drink Og mention? Og had to go use little cave dude room partway through movie. Og wind up going during scene where Jetfire explain what that about, also what Matrix of Leadership do. Oh well.
In end, Og sad Michael bay take movie Og want very very much to like and spend so much time try make it funny that Og wind up sulking too much to enjoy rest properly. Og also have trouble follow what goign on with Fallen because most of robot, most of human talk much, much, MUCh too fast to follow properly. Og want know why michael Bay do that. Og probably gonna buy toy from movie, maybe go see again with friend who not see yet, but Og think probably okay movie to wait for DVD.
(One other thing. Og spend whole movie going "Wait, why Fallen sound so familiar? Michael Bay, you hire Keith David? Revenge of Goliath?" But no. Og see credits, Og find out Tony Todd is voice of Fallen. Og not see Candyman, but Og know that name anyway. Tony Todd do voice in Half-Life 2, Episode 2, so this make this movie Transformers 2: Revenge of Gordon Freeman's Bitchy Vortigaunt Friend.)
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no subject
Date: 2009-06-25 03:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-25 03:59 am (UTC)Or more time being not dead.
no subject
Date: 2009-06-25 04:00 am (UTC)Also, no Transformer should talk as fast as Blurr, 'cause... wtf dude. wrong.
I think I'm going back to Vicodin-land now, nini
no subject
Date: 2009-06-25 05:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-25 05:05 am (UTC)At one point it send SIX FOOT OF TENTACLE after Sam WITH SQUISHY TONGUE STILL ON END EVEN THOUGH ALL REST WAS ROBOT.
no subject
Date: 2009-06-25 09:32 am (UTC)(I've seen so many negative reviews of this movie....)
no subject
Date: 2009-06-25 05:10 am (UTC)Also, if hire Frank Welker as voice of Soundwave, why not make him talk like Soundwave instead of like Megatron Classic only bored with life?
no subject
Date: 2009-06-25 05:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-25 05:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-25 05:38 am (UTC)Og say this much: Og not know how Og gonna make this work with what Og and
Og gonna have to work on this as hard as Og work on Reign of Fire to make Revenge of Bitchy the Vortigaunt work with Milliways story.
no subject
Date: 2009-06-27 03:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-25 05:49 am (UTC)Movie is art film. (http://io9.com/5301898/michael-bay-finally-made-an-art-movie")
no subject
Date: 2009-06-25 06:18 am (UTC)I... just.
I am quite sure Shia was pleased. "I delayed months of surgery and ran around a movie set with no painkillers for a *crushed hand* to CARRY A SOCK AROUND? FUCK YOU, MICHAEL BAY. FUCK. YOU."
no subject
Date: 2009-06-25 07:01 am (UTC)But that last line might win the whole thing. *giggles madly*
no subject
Date: 2009-06-25 08:05 am (UTC)BTW, I LOVE the lines about "Michael Bay get scent of joke, joke better run fast, or Michael Bay catch joke", I've laughed. Also, "Stop hitting us on the head or I'll hit back (paraphrase).
And "Him OPTIMUS PRIME", are you channeling the trolls from Thud!?
:)
Ah, yes, so I take it to the jokes/funny characters ended up as people speak of Jar-Jar Binks?
no subject
Date: 2009-06-25 04:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-25 04:48 pm (UTC)That doesn't make me feel better, but worse ;)
Then again, the rapping Bumblebee was a bit annoying the last time around.
no subject
Date: 2009-06-25 10:22 am (UTC)And this is why we love you,
CamOg.no subject
Date: 2009-06-25 01:03 pm (UTC)Thag think maybe this hat-tip to old G1 episode featuring inexplicable gun on pyramid make power with inexplicable big crystal thing as Megatron World Domination Bid of Month?
That said, Thag appreciate review and most likely wait for DVD as not wild at prospect of two hour Michael Bay commercial.
no subject
Date: 2009-06-25 03:39 pm (UTC)Agree, Og. Agree. Maybe that why they so mad at Earth people all time.
no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 02:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 02:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 05:25 am (UTC)