When we last saw our heroine, Ellen was sixteen years old and had just received her GOAT scores. As I mentioned at the time, that was the point when the screen went white for another timeskip, and that's where we begin now.
The lights come up, the lights go down, and there's a thoroughly frantic Amata shaking me and telling me to wake up wake up there's so much trouble please hurry wake up. I went for the slightly groggy 'what huh what slow down' conversational option here, although one of them was 'I was dreaming about you'.
(I'm told that if you're female and you choose this Amata goes EW GROSS YUCK before going on with the conversation, whereas a male character who picks that line gets told 'This is no time for screwing around!' instead. Whatever you might decide for your own character, Amata's supposed to be straight. Bethesda didn't really do a whole lot in the way of letting the player character develop romantic relationships with NPCs, so this kind of thing is as close as you get. They did, however, throw in at least two gay couples later in the game, plus a prostitute who doesn't care what gender you are as long as you can pay. Whatevs.)
Anyway, I made my 'whyfor you are waking me up, you horrible person you' noises at Amata and was rewarded with YOUR FATHER IS GONE WTF. Not 'your dad is lost somewhere in the Vault' or 'your dad up and died', but 'your dad left the freaking Vault'. This is a major no-no, because. . . well, okay, confession time. I never saw the initial cinematic. I pressed 'start' once too often and skipped right past it by mistake- I went back and watched it later. That whole bit with asking Dad about 'do we have to be in the Vault all our lives' the day of the GOAT exam would've been backed up by the firm, no-nonsense voice of Ron Perlman saying that the door to Vault 101 never, ever opens and that 'here you were born, and here you will die'. So the idea of Dad leaving the Vault would've been even more of a boggler had I watched the cinematic. Not that it really matters all that much because the next thing out of Amata's mouth was 'and MY dad is going ballistic and the security people are hunting him and Dad's calling you a traitor and here I stole my dad's gun you should totally have it'.
. . . uh.
At that point Ellen was still sufficiently naïve that she thought maybe she could talk people into seeing reason, since Qui-Gon Daddy never said a damned thing to her about leaving the Vault, so she refused the gun. Amata put it away and said to run for it, suggesting that I make for her dad's office and use the SECRET TUNNEL to get to the Vault exit, and then left.
Now, is that or is that not a full-blown substitute for coffee in the morning? Hi there, my dad's gone bugnuts, run for your life?
This part of the game was still part of the tutorial, so when I tried to walk out of the room the game suggested politely that Ellen go through her dresser and the first aid box on the wall and take as much of her stuff as possible. This was how I discovered that, unlike many a game I could mention, objects that contain other objects or have the potential to contain other objects are not highlighted or in any other way visually distinct. You just have to point your crosshair at them and wait to see whether they've got an object name or not. Ellen wound up with her bb gun and ammo, a baseball bat and glove, a packet of something called Med-X, and something called a stimpak. I probably should've read the instructions more closely to find out what those were, but oh well, we live and learn… anyway, Ellen ran like a bunny, and shortly encountered a security officer who wanted to beat the snot out of her. Which, not cool at all- but before she could register a protest the guard came under attack by radroaches. Ever seen a grown man have to club giant bugs to death? It ain't pretty. Ellen sort of stared and tried to get her bb gun ready, but the officer killed the bugs before she could get a clear shot- and then came at her to attack her again. Not cool at all. She wound up beating him senseless with her baseball bat, which I maintain was a) self-defense and b) non-lethal; I realize the game mechanics have him getting killed, but c'mon. Grown man in security armor versus teenage girl with a baseball bat and a scientific upbringing. Ellen wouldn't have been able to kill him without a whole lot more mojo than I think she had.
Not that it really mattered. Ellen kind of figured at that point that she was in for a lot more trouble, so she pantsed the guy. Or, rather, took his armor, since she already had a hittin' stick. The game just doesn't allow for people to be wearing clothing under their armor, so as soon as she removed the armor (we're talking about what you'd see on a baseball catcher) from his inventory he was lying in the hallway in his undershorts. Again, whatevs.
I then proceeded to blunder down the hallway and try several more doors (all marked inaccessible) in a rather pathetic attempt to get out; I wasn't having a lot of luck following the PipBoy compass and goal marker. Not that it mattered, because as I continued to basically bang my head on the wall in the hopes that a door would spontaneously open, Butch suddenly came running down the hallway screaming for help. Bugs! Lots of them! Attacking his mom! And it's dark! And he's scared! And he's too scared to accept Ellen's gun or attempt at putting some starch in his spine! Well, you can't really get raised by a Jedi and willingly pass up someone who needs help even if the person trying to get it for them is an old enemy of yours (there was a conversational option of 'Ah, Butch, asking me for help. If you only knew what irony was', but I didn't take it). Ellen agreed to help and went into Butch's mom's room.
Butch comes by his issues honestly. Mom was huddled on the bed yelling "Ow! That hurts! What's happening!" the whole time. Well, ma'am, I'm no expert or anything, but it looks like what's happening is that you are being attacked by radioactive mutant cockroaches who are trying to eat your flesh. I mean, could just be me, you know? . . . point is, Mom DeLoria made absolutely no effort to protect herself and just sat there wailing until Ellen shot up two of the roaches and beat the third to death with her baseball bat. At which point Mom DeLoria offered Ellen a drink and Butch just went gaga over the display of machismo he'd just seen- you're the best, that was so cool, thank you so much, I always actually liked you, have my jacket, etc.
Now, acclaim out of nowhere from a formerly thoroughly unpleasant bully is nice and all, but there were still guys in body armor with sticks and guns on Ellen's tail, so she bid farewell to Butch and ran like a bunny. Turned out she wasn't the only one; there were two other Vault folks in the main Vault atrium running for the main door. They got shot, though. A lot. NO NOT BY ELLEN I AM NOT THAT KIND OF PLAYER. There were two guards down the corridor they were trying to use and Ellen wasn't quick enough on her feet to reach the guards first. She did pulverize the guards afterwards- hurray for baseball bats- and took everything they had in their pockets, but, uh… didn't really help the two dead folks. Ellen had a brief moment of OMGWTF IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE and then kept running, because when you're in a Vault you only have so many places you can go in the face of proof that PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO KILL YOU.
Mind you, not everyone was trying to kill Ellen. Officer Gomez told her to run for her life even though he was a security man himself. Stanley the Vault maintenance guy rather blandly indicated that he'd say he'd never seen her and that he was busy repairing the Mr. Handy robot the whole time, ayup. Allen Mack, who was on the other side of a window and a locked door, didn't try to kill her either- he shouted at her that it was all her fault and her worthless father's fault, but he didn't try to kill her, which I guess was something. The Vault security chief came after her at one point, but there were a whole bunch of giant radioactive cockroaches in the area, and they went after him. Ellen, um… okay, it wasn't very honorable of her, but Chief Hannon was trying to shoot her and people were chasing her and she'd been hit in the head with sticks and bitten by giant cockroaches and shouted at and dammit, under the circumstances she just did not see the need to intervene in the natural selection process. Christian compassion or no. She killed the surviving roaches when they were done, though. They were coming after her, after all.
Look, she's nineteen, she's freaked out, it was a morally reprehensible thing to do, but we all make bad decisions from time to time.
Anyway, she kept running and eventually found Amata's dad interrogating her with assistance from one of the more unpleasant security personnel. I'm told that if you leave Amata with the gun, the way I did, she can defend herself during this little scene. That didn't really occur to Ellen, though. She ran into the room and the guard started threatening her instead. Apparently they've lost the concept of the Mexican standoff by 2277, because the guard shot first. Ellen shot back. Amata ran, the guard died, and the Overseer yelled at Ellen like a fear-biting dog. Ellen tried to get him to give her his key or his password, not that it worked, and then waved her gun around some in what must have been a fairly amusing emulation of some old threatening movie or other, since I can't picture her being properly intimidating at that stage. There may have been Edgar G. Robinson quotes involved. I'm not sure.
Since the Overseer was supremely unhelpful and Ellen had no interest in killing the man- he was busy shouting for guards but not using the Vault PA system, and he was unarmed, and she'd taken all the good stuff from the room anyway- Ellen left him alive but closed the door behind her and kept moving. Shortly thereafter she found the corpse of her dad's assistant, her friend Jonas. Poor guy'd been murdered for not coughing up info on where Ellen's dad had gone. He had a note on him from Ellen's father saying he was very sorry but she should stay in the Vault where she'd be safe- GEE THANKS A LOT DAD. You seriously didn't realize the Overseer was a paranoid jerk with a security Gestapo? Or did I miss something here? Man, Obi-Wan gets his flexible definition of the truth from a legitimate source, doesn't he…
Ah well. Not much to do about it now, just keep moving. Fortunately poor Jonas had fallen victim to one of the classic evil overlord blunders: murderous interrogations at or near the inner sanctum. The Overseer's office was in the next room. One of the things Ellen had stolen from the Overseer in the room where Amata had been questioned was the sticky note with his password on it, so she got into his computer terminal without batting an eye, at which point OKAY EXACTLY WHEN DID YOU PLAN TO TELL ME ALL Y'ALL WERE LYING TO US ABOUT THE SURFACE???
Because, um.
Apparently people had been to the surface before. Quite a bit. Several of them. Hell, one of them stayed up there for a while- years ago, but still- somewhere called Megaton. And their cells were still dividing normally, there was a note about that in the computer, right next to the note about 'oh by the way, you remember ants? Well now they are GIANT MUTANT ANTS that can EAT YOUR FACE, ALL BY THEMSELVES, no really here's a picture'. Not that the photograph had anything near the ant for, oh, scale or anything, but still… Ellen had been told all her life that no one enters the Vault, no one leaves the Vault. The surface world was supposedly too lethal for anyone to ever interact with the surface. Vault 101's door had supposedly never been opened. And now THIS. WTF. I'm pretty sure that even if she hadn't been running for her life she would've punched the codes for 'open Overseer's secret tunnel to the surface' out of pure spite at that point.
The desk rose up, the chair moved back, the stairs appeared, and Ellen headed down to a room where there were all kinds of controls she'd never seen. Amata came running in shortly thereafter to apologize profusely for her murdering control freak father and to insist that Ellen take her gun this time. Never mind that Ellen already had several from the security guards she'd pantsed along the way. I'm assuming she stole their belts instead of using them to tie the guys up so they wouldn't follow her and that she stashed stuff in the belts or the holsters… anyway, Amata told her she was sorry and good luck finding her father but Amata was going to stay in the Vault and try to pacify her father so they could figure out what had happened. Shortly thereafter two more armed guards showed up; Amata ran and Ellen had one more fight, followed by one more pantsing.
Look, when you take a person's armor in this game they suddenly go from 'dressed' to 'in their skivvies'. In the grand tradition of RPG characters everywhere Ellen grabbed everything she could from the guards she took down, so she left a trail of unconscious men in underwear behind her.
When the Vault door opened, the tunnel beyond was pretty much unlike anything Ellen would've ever seen, being pretty much just unfinished rock. That must've spooked her something awful. I can't imagine the human bones out there could've helped any- there were a few partial skeletons near the big sealed door. Funny thing how many of them had protest signs, too, things like LET US IN and WE'RE DYING OUT HERE, YOU ASSHOLES. . . and they didn't look like two hundred year old signs, either. Can you blame her for being more than a little freaked at that point? She closed the Vault door behind her- I figure she was probably just a bit too shocked to do anything else other than reflex- and started moving up the tunnel, towards the light. It just kept getting brighter, and brighter, and brighter, and. . .
THE ROOM
THE BIG DAMN ROOM
THE BIG DAMN ROOM THAT JUST GOES ON AND ON AND ON AND ON
WHAT
WTF WHERE IS THE CEILING
NO SERIOUSLY THERE IS NO CEILING
IT'S BLUE UP THERE BUT I CAN'T FIND THE CEILING
AIEEE BLAZING FIERY LAMP THING OVERHEAD OW OW OW
MOMMY
. . . yeah, Ellen didn't really take to her first introduction to the concept of 'outside' all that well.
There we go, then. Our next entry will be Springvale.
The lights come up, the lights go down, and there's a thoroughly frantic Amata shaking me and telling me to wake up wake up there's so much trouble please hurry wake up. I went for the slightly groggy 'what huh what slow down' conversational option here, although one of them was 'I was dreaming about you'.
(I'm told that if you're female and you choose this Amata goes EW GROSS YUCK before going on with the conversation, whereas a male character who picks that line gets told 'This is no time for screwing around!' instead. Whatever you might decide for your own character, Amata's supposed to be straight. Bethesda didn't really do a whole lot in the way of letting the player character develop romantic relationships with NPCs, so this kind of thing is as close as you get. They did, however, throw in at least two gay couples later in the game, plus a prostitute who doesn't care what gender you are as long as you can pay. Whatevs.)
Anyway, I made my 'whyfor you are waking me up, you horrible person you' noises at Amata and was rewarded with YOUR FATHER IS GONE WTF. Not 'your dad is lost somewhere in the Vault' or 'your dad up and died', but 'your dad left the freaking Vault'. This is a major no-no, because. . . well, okay, confession time. I never saw the initial cinematic. I pressed 'start' once too often and skipped right past it by mistake- I went back and watched it later. That whole bit with asking Dad about 'do we have to be in the Vault all our lives' the day of the GOAT exam would've been backed up by the firm, no-nonsense voice of Ron Perlman saying that the door to Vault 101 never, ever opens and that 'here you were born, and here you will die'. So the idea of Dad leaving the Vault would've been even more of a boggler had I watched the cinematic. Not that it really matters all that much because the next thing out of Amata's mouth was 'and MY dad is going ballistic and the security people are hunting him and Dad's calling you a traitor and here I stole my dad's gun you should totally have it'.
. . . uh.
At that point Ellen was still sufficiently naïve that she thought maybe she could talk people into seeing reason, since Qui-Gon Daddy never said a damned thing to her about leaving the Vault, so she refused the gun. Amata put it away and said to run for it, suggesting that I make for her dad's office and use the SECRET TUNNEL to get to the Vault exit, and then left.
Now, is that or is that not a full-blown substitute for coffee in the morning? Hi there, my dad's gone bugnuts, run for your life?
This part of the game was still part of the tutorial, so when I tried to walk out of the room the game suggested politely that Ellen go through her dresser and the first aid box on the wall and take as much of her stuff as possible. This was how I discovered that, unlike many a game I could mention, objects that contain other objects or have the potential to contain other objects are not highlighted or in any other way visually distinct. You just have to point your crosshair at them and wait to see whether they've got an object name or not. Ellen wound up with her bb gun and ammo, a baseball bat and glove, a packet of something called Med-X, and something called a stimpak. I probably should've read the instructions more closely to find out what those were, but oh well, we live and learn… anyway, Ellen ran like a bunny, and shortly encountered a security officer who wanted to beat the snot out of her. Which, not cool at all- but before she could register a protest the guard came under attack by radroaches. Ever seen a grown man have to club giant bugs to death? It ain't pretty. Ellen sort of stared and tried to get her bb gun ready, but the officer killed the bugs before she could get a clear shot- and then came at her to attack her again. Not cool at all. She wound up beating him senseless with her baseball bat, which I maintain was a) self-defense and b) non-lethal; I realize the game mechanics have him getting killed, but c'mon. Grown man in security armor versus teenage girl with a baseball bat and a scientific upbringing. Ellen wouldn't have been able to kill him without a whole lot more mojo than I think she had.
Not that it really mattered. Ellen kind of figured at that point that she was in for a lot more trouble, so she pantsed the guy. Or, rather, took his armor, since she already had a hittin' stick. The game just doesn't allow for people to be wearing clothing under their armor, so as soon as she removed the armor (we're talking about what you'd see on a baseball catcher) from his inventory he was lying in the hallway in his undershorts. Again, whatevs.
I then proceeded to blunder down the hallway and try several more doors (all marked inaccessible) in a rather pathetic attempt to get out; I wasn't having a lot of luck following the PipBoy compass and goal marker. Not that it mattered, because as I continued to basically bang my head on the wall in the hopes that a door would spontaneously open, Butch suddenly came running down the hallway screaming for help. Bugs! Lots of them! Attacking his mom! And it's dark! And he's scared! And he's too scared to accept Ellen's gun or attempt at putting some starch in his spine! Well, you can't really get raised by a Jedi and willingly pass up someone who needs help even if the person trying to get it for them is an old enemy of yours (there was a conversational option of 'Ah, Butch, asking me for help. If you only knew what irony was', but I didn't take it). Ellen agreed to help and went into Butch's mom's room.
Butch comes by his issues honestly. Mom was huddled on the bed yelling "Ow! That hurts! What's happening!" the whole time. Well, ma'am, I'm no expert or anything, but it looks like what's happening is that you are being attacked by radioactive mutant cockroaches who are trying to eat your flesh. I mean, could just be me, you know? . . . point is, Mom DeLoria made absolutely no effort to protect herself and just sat there wailing until Ellen shot up two of the roaches and beat the third to death with her baseball bat. At which point Mom DeLoria offered Ellen a drink and Butch just went gaga over the display of machismo he'd just seen- you're the best, that was so cool, thank you so much, I always actually liked you, have my jacket, etc.
Now, acclaim out of nowhere from a formerly thoroughly unpleasant bully is nice and all, but there were still guys in body armor with sticks and guns on Ellen's tail, so she bid farewell to Butch and ran like a bunny. Turned out she wasn't the only one; there were two other Vault folks in the main Vault atrium running for the main door. They got shot, though. A lot. NO NOT BY ELLEN I AM NOT THAT KIND OF PLAYER. There were two guards down the corridor they were trying to use and Ellen wasn't quick enough on her feet to reach the guards first. She did pulverize the guards afterwards- hurray for baseball bats- and took everything they had in their pockets, but, uh… didn't really help the two dead folks. Ellen had a brief moment of OMGWTF IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE and then kept running, because when you're in a Vault you only have so many places you can go in the face of proof that PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO KILL YOU.
Mind you, not everyone was trying to kill Ellen. Officer Gomez told her to run for her life even though he was a security man himself. Stanley the Vault maintenance guy rather blandly indicated that he'd say he'd never seen her and that he was busy repairing the Mr. Handy robot the whole time, ayup. Allen Mack, who was on the other side of a window and a locked door, didn't try to kill her either- he shouted at her that it was all her fault and her worthless father's fault, but he didn't try to kill her, which I guess was something. The Vault security chief came after her at one point, but there were a whole bunch of giant radioactive cockroaches in the area, and they went after him. Ellen, um… okay, it wasn't very honorable of her, but Chief Hannon was trying to shoot her and people were chasing her and she'd been hit in the head with sticks and bitten by giant cockroaches and shouted at and dammit, under the circumstances she just did not see the need to intervene in the natural selection process. Christian compassion or no. She killed the surviving roaches when they were done, though. They were coming after her, after all.
Look, she's nineteen, she's freaked out, it was a morally reprehensible thing to do, but we all make bad decisions from time to time.
Anyway, she kept running and eventually found Amata's dad interrogating her with assistance from one of the more unpleasant security personnel. I'm told that if you leave Amata with the gun, the way I did, she can defend herself during this little scene. That didn't really occur to Ellen, though. She ran into the room and the guard started threatening her instead. Apparently they've lost the concept of the Mexican standoff by 2277, because the guard shot first. Ellen shot back. Amata ran, the guard died, and the Overseer yelled at Ellen like a fear-biting dog. Ellen tried to get him to give her his key or his password, not that it worked, and then waved her gun around some in what must have been a fairly amusing emulation of some old threatening movie or other, since I can't picture her being properly intimidating at that stage. There may have been Edgar G. Robinson quotes involved. I'm not sure.
Since the Overseer was supremely unhelpful and Ellen had no interest in killing the man- he was busy shouting for guards but not using the Vault PA system, and he was unarmed, and she'd taken all the good stuff from the room anyway- Ellen left him alive but closed the door behind her and kept moving. Shortly thereafter she found the corpse of her dad's assistant, her friend Jonas. Poor guy'd been murdered for not coughing up info on where Ellen's dad had gone. He had a note on him from Ellen's father saying he was very sorry but she should stay in the Vault where she'd be safe- GEE THANKS A LOT DAD. You seriously didn't realize the Overseer was a paranoid jerk with a security Gestapo? Or did I miss something here? Man, Obi-Wan gets his flexible definition of the truth from a legitimate source, doesn't he…
Ah well. Not much to do about it now, just keep moving. Fortunately poor Jonas had fallen victim to one of the classic evil overlord blunders: murderous interrogations at or near the inner sanctum. The Overseer's office was in the next room. One of the things Ellen had stolen from the Overseer in the room where Amata had been questioned was the sticky note with his password on it, so she got into his computer terminal without batting an eye, at which point OKAY EXACTLY WHEN DID YOU PLAN TO TELL ME ALL Y'ALL WERE LYING TO US ABOUT THE SURFACE???
Because, um.
Apparently people had been to the surface before. Quite a bit. Several of them. Hell, one of them stayed up there for a while- years ago, but still- somewhere called Megaton. And their cells were still dividing normally, there was a note about that in the computer, right next to the note about 'oh by the way, you remember ants? Well now they are GIANT MUTANT ANTS that can EAT YOUR FACE, ALL BY THEMSELVES, no really here's a picture'. Not that the photograph had anything near the ant for, oh, scale or anything, but still… Ellen had been told all her life that no one enters the Vault, no one leaves the Vault. The surface world was supposedly too lethal for anyone to ever interact with the surface. Vault 101's door had supposedly never been opened. And now THIS. WTF. I'm pretty sure that even if she hadn't been running for her life she would've punched the codes for 'open Overseer's secret tunnel to the surface' out of pure spite at that point.
The desk rose up, the chair moved back, the stairs appeared, and Ellen headed down to a room where there were all kinds of controls she'd never seen. Amata came running in shortly thereafter to apologize profusely for her murdering control freak father and to insist that Ellen take her gun this time. Never mind that Ellen already had several from the security guards she'd pantsed along the way. I'm assuming she stole their belts instead of using them to tie the guys up so they wouldn't follow her and that she stashed stuff in the belts or the holsters… anyway, Amata told her she was sorry and good luck finding her father but Amata was going to stay in the Vault and try to pacify her father so they could figure out what had happened. Shortly thereafter two more armed guards showed up; Amata ran and Ellen had one more fight, followed by one more pantsing.
Look, when you take a person's armor in this game they suddenly go from 'dressed' to 'in their skivvies'. In the grand tradition of RPG characters everywhere Ellen grabbed everything she could from the guards she took down, so she left a trail of unconscious men in underwear behind her.
When the Vault door opened, the tunnel beyond was pretty much unlike anything Ellen would've ever seen, being pretty much just unfinished rock. That must've spooked her something awful. I can't imagine the human bones out there could've helped any- there were a few partial skeletons near the big sealed door. Funny thing how many of them had protest signs, too, things like LET US IN and WE'RE DYING OUT HERE, YOU ASSHOLES. . . and they didn't look like two hundred year old signs, either. Can you blame her for being more than a little freaked at that point? She closed the Vault door behind her- I figure she was probably just a bit too shocked to do anything else other than reflex- and started moving up the tunnel, towards the light. It just kept getting brighter, and brighter, and brighter, and. . .
THE ROOM
THE BIG DAMN ROOM
THE BIG DAMN ROOM THAT JUST GOES ON AND ON AND ON AND ON
WHAT
WTF WHERE IS THE CEILING
NO SERIOUSLY THERE IS NO CEILING
IT'S BLUE UP THERE BUT I CAN'T FIND THE CEILING
AIEEE BLAZING FIERY LAMP THING OVERHEAD OW OW OW
MOMMY
. . . yeah, Ellen didn't really take to her first introduction to the concept of 'outside' all that well.
There we go, then. Our next entry will be Springvale.
no subject
Date: 2008-12-30 04:32 pm (UTC)On the other hand, pants. *snicker*
no subject
Date: 2008-12-30 04:34 pm (UTC)On the other hand, the pants thing never stops being funny.
no subject
Date: 2008-12-30 04:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-30 04:52 pm (UTC)(I should note that all men in this game wear boxers. All the women I've pantsed have had tank tops or camis and fairly standard granny-type underpants. I have not attempted to take armor off the Mad Max-type raider women who have slightly less breast coverage than Ariel the Mermaid. It's not like I want the stuff.)
no subject
Date: 2008-12-30 04:43 pm (UTC)Man, now I feel kind of bad for letting Chainsaw harass her in MM.
no subject
Date: 2008-12-30 04:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-06 04:47 am (UTC)I just patched it and gave it a bigger memory pool, but still no dice. Can you help me out with this?
no subject
Date: 2009-01-06 05:53 am (UTC)