Homicidal Evil Space Chicken Report

[camwyn]

As I mentioned a few posts ago, I've been playing Half-Life lately. I'm really not good at first person shooters, and even worse at FPS games that have jumping puzzles, because the perspective graphics almost inevitably leave me over- or under-estimating my abilities. There's a couple of elevator shafts at Black Mesa that're pretty much paved with skull fragments right now, not to mention the Room of the Hanging Boxes, I Mean Seriously, What The Hell.

Apparently at least one of the architects behind the Black Mesa complex was a Knight of the First Crusade, because there's one part in the game segment I finished last night where you have to take a running jump across a freight elevator shaft, climb a ladder, inch around the inside of the shaft, climb another ladder, inch again, climb a third ladder, watch a scientist fall screaming to his death (the walkthroughs say you can't save him, alas)... and then, from a ledge that is narrower than the length of your feet, jump halfway across the elevator shaft again and climb up a ladder on the outside of the elevator. I tried, man. Believe me, I tried. I tried every jumping technique I could think of. I tried squinching backwards for some kind of forward momentum in my jumps. It did not work. The squelches of my character hitting the bottom of the shaft forty or fifty feet below kept getting longer and wetter. So, finally, I gave up and just pressed the joystick forward in the 'walk, dammit' mode....

... and apparently WALKED ACROSS THE EMPTY OPEN ELEVATOR SHAFT right to the ladder.

Seriously. We got us a leap from the lion's mouth here, people. WTF.

Comments

[ebony14.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's a mess. Wait until the helicopter fight. Biggest pain in the ass.

Regarding the screwy designs, I actually played a FPS (Iron Storm, you probably won't have heard of it) where there were, at one point, official safety inspection reports that you could find in an airplane factory. It went through several paragraphs talking about the lack of guardrails, safety cages for ladders, and warning signs, decrying the factory's management for failing to keep the workers safe. I seem to remember that, somewhere else in the level, there was also a letter informing the factory management that the safety inspector who wrote the previous report had been "reassigned" due to the questionable state of his loyalties to the Party (bad guys were pseudo-Soviets), and a different, more trustworthy safety inspector would be arriving next week. After you blow up the factory.

[camwyn]

Heh. Given that one of my muttered complaints during a good deal of my splattery adventures so far's been 'no OSHA compliance WHAT SO FRICKEN EVER', it's kind of neat to hear about Iron Storm there.

[ebony14.livejournal.com]

Wikipedia has an article on it here (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iron_Storm_%28computer_game%29).

[lots42.livejournal.com]

Wikipedia has an article on everthing. Including Jean Grey's mom.

[ebony14.livejournal.com]

But not my mom, a fact for which I am eternally grateful.

[lots42.livejournal.com]

There's this freaky Star Wars comics story that is basically the Emperor and Darth Vader talking about how fucked up the Death Star is. I wish I remembered what issue/series.

[pat-trick.livejournal.com]

heh, that part of the game. hoboy.

on a side note: vote me for playing gordon freeman if they ever do a film version of half life?

[camwyn]

Once I've finished the first game, I'll give 'em a try. I bought the Orange Box to get Portal a while ago, so I have HL2 and both the Episodes.

[slarti.livejournal.com]

Auuuuugggghhhhhhh, HL2+Eps vehicle driving. I utterly swore off bitching about difficulties I've had with the Warthog in Halo games, because compared to the boat, buggy, car, etc. in HL2 and its Episodes, the Warthog handles like a fucking dream. Hate HL2 driving, and at least part of the reason why I've yet to finish HL2Ep2 is the degree to which driving the goddamned car is key to the final battle.

[camwyn]

I can report right now that I gave up on finishing the final battle. I got as far as the first "OH GOD THERE ARE THREE STRIDERS AT ONCE" bit and realized I couldn't DEAL with the car any more. Wound up loading the segment on Youtube, watching somebody else win, then loading the final chapter and watching that.

stupid car.

[slarti.livejournal.com]

Yes, yes indeed. Stupid car.

And Eli. ;_;

[camwyn]

No kidding. Those maggots had better hope Dog kills them, because if Gordon gets to them first, they're going to learn in a very personal manner what happens when you really piss off the monkeys from the third rock from Sol.

[blackswanevent.livejournal.com]

*oozes jealous* there are so many fantastic FPS out there.

[camwyn]

*pets* One day, hon. One day.

[blackjack-svr.livejournal.com]

There's less jumpity-splat in HL2, if I remember right, though there was a particularly stressful bit involving the underside of a damaged steel bridge that you get to navigate, and bits are falling out as soon as weight is applied to them, with no safety net, and while being hunted by a ... thing.. Flying thing. With a machineplasmagun grafted into its mouth. Yes it has a mouth. Had. Had a mouth.

What freaked me out most about HL1 was the big chompity.. um.. well you might not be there yet..

Anyone who liked HL2 and hasn't playted the episodes is missing out .

[camwyn]

I haven't gotten to the big chompity, no. Last night I got as far as 'okay, the military is trying to kill us- you, in the suit, head for Lambda Team, I'm going to stay here and hide under the table'. My strafing needs work.

[duane-kc.livejournal.com]

The freight elevator jump is the hardest in HL for me; I keep forgetting to let up on the damn jump button in time, and jump RIGHT BACK OFF the damn ladder, yaaaahhhhh*splat*.

And the helicopters aren't a big deal, laser on the rotor hub twice, boom*crunch*.

The damn Osprey, now...[evil grin]