(no subject)

[camwyn]

From the people who brought you Bratz: Toy horses! With grotesquely spindly legs and the opportunity to wear fashion clothing!

I'd just like it noted that when I was of an age to play with toy horses and Barbies, my horses tended to break their legs at the knee a lot- they really weren't very well built for surviving falls from the coffee table. On the other hand it meant that I learned to build prosthetic lower legs out of cardboard and glue, so I had, like, proto-cyborg horses.

These guys look like what would happen if you told a Kaminoan cloner about a horse and asked it to build you a couple without giving them a sample to work from.

Comments

[lienne.livejournal.com]

Struts combine a girl's natural fondness of horses...

1. I have no natural fondness of horses. Quite the opposite, in fact.

2. Those aren't horses. I'm not quite sure what they are, but horses? Definitely not it. o_O

[camwyn]

I loved horses as a little girl. I liked Barbie's horses because you could braid their hair. However, I also loved reasonably accurate conformation in my toy horses.

In fairness to the toymakers, I had a few My Little Ponies. Mostly the ones that had sparkly designs on their butts, rather than plain designs. I liked the sparkly. Also the two-colored manes and tails, if I'm remembering right. And the fact that you could pull a tail out and shove it into a different pony's body if you wanted to mix and match hair. I may not have been the target audience.

[lienne.livejournal.com]

*giggles*

I think I had one Barbie horse. It lost a leg pretty quickly and I gave up on it because I couldn't make it stand unsupported, whereupon it proceeded to lose another leg. I think Leg #2 turned up independently and was used in some kind of experiment involving Lego and Kapla.

...

Possibly I wasn't the target audience, either.

[sleightofhand]

*Struts combine a girl's natural fondness of horses and her love for fashion dolls.

Which girl is this? I don't think I've met this girl. Whoever she is she seems shallow and rather ignorant about what a horse actually is. And about the fact that they don't wear miniskirts.

[camwyn]

I always loved horses and horse toys. I played with Barbies a lot, too. But my Barbies tended to get their heads pulled off because it made changing their clothes easier, and their shoes frustrated me because of the shape of their MUST WEAR HEELS feet, and several of them got hair cuts, and one of them stole her friend's horse (my friend Danielle owned Midnight, whose colouring I liked better than Dallas') and ran away from all the other Barbies to raise mountain lions in the Grand Canyon (which was on the other side of Danielle's yard, but still, it's the principle of the thing). Barbies were tools for playing, not for fashion.

... oh, I forgot, there was one who wound up chained by her ankle to the inside of a Toyota hatchback's rear window as a human sacrifice to the God of Heat, mostly because the little cord that lifted and lowered a board to cover the cargo area could be detached and was exactly the right size to fit over Barbie's foot and keep her imprisoned, and I'd discovered a year or two before that you could do FUN things to plastic toys if you left them in the car long enough to get soft. I think I was eight or nine at the time.

[lienne.livejournal.com]

*snorfle*

I once knew someone who microwaved a Barbie and somehow ended up with a jarful of room-temperature liquid rubber with a half-melted but still mostly solid Barbie head floating in it. Granted I never saw this fearsome artifact, but the thought of it sure gives me the giggles.

[lasa.livejournal.com]

That makes me want to go out and buy a Barbie and try it. I'd sorta like to have one of those.

[sleightofhand]

That's AWESOME.

I don't remember much about playing with Barbies, except that a friend and I liked melting them in our E-Z Bake oven, thus quashing two little girl stereotypes at once. Possibly this is also the reason that I don't remember much subsequent doll-playing.

[camwyn]

I really really really wanted Pink and Pretty Barbie when I was a kid. Mostly because she came with SPARKLY THINGS and I thought she came with the little electronic piano from the commercials. I got the sparkly things with her, but no piano. AH well.

Turned out you could use the same sparkly bits as earrings or regular rings, and it was all a case of 'drive it directly into the HOLE IN HER HEAD', so that got interesting a few times.

[sleightofhand]

Well that's nightmare fodder right there...

I do remember that the Best Barbie Ever was Olympic Gymnast Barbie, who had 1) flat feet and sneakers, and 2) knees and elbows. She also had shoulder and hip joints that were proper ball-and-socket things. Basically, she could actually move like something resembling a real person, so naturally she became a kick-ass kung fu fighter in my hands.

[camwyn]

Enh, given that I was- as I said- pulling heads off entirely to get certain articles of clothing onto the dolls, shoving a ring into the hole in the side of Barbie's head wasn't really all that much to fuss over by comparison.

[aisforamy]

Holy fucking shit! Those things are wearing high heels!

I should have heeded your icon!!!!

[camwyn]

It was that or the one of Venkman saying 'please tell me I didn't just see that'. I do try to warn people.

[tundra-no-caps.livejournal.com]

Struts sounds too much like "Sluts" to me.

[wikdsushi.livejournal.com]

I thought it sounded like a wonderful opportunity for young girls to combine their natural fondness for automotive mechanics with their love of fashion dolls.

[wednesday]

What about their natural fondness for Java frameworks?

[http://users.livejournal.com/_geekie_/]

1. I never wanted a horse as a little girl, though I had a fondness for animals.
2. I would have called this toy "stupid" and would have asked for some dress-up clothes or art supplies instead.

Boy, that toy is a whole pile of dumb.

[viridian.livejournal.com]

Y'know, I had a whole pile of My Little Ponies as a kid. And Barbie horses. And She-Ra horses. And a couple of random no-name horses. And a real, live horse. And yet..

Struts combine a girl's natural fondness of horses and her love for
fashion dolls.


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Something about that is just WRONG. VERY WRONG.

[camwyn]

Most of my toy horses were Breyer model horses. Then again, my grandfather had introduced me to horse racing when I was about six, so my interest in horses didn't really have room for the romantic image of the animals.

[viridian.livejournal.com]

I was always pretty cool with the idea of realistic horses like the one outside in rl vs. sparkly pink ponies, but I am not down with this NATURAL FONDNESS for dressing my horses up. No.

[skyshark.livejournal.com]

Yes! We had, like, a herd of those.

I still remember their distinctive, bitter smell when they were years old. I guess that was the rosin? Oh, memories.

Also, I recall Barbie on a horse with a gold-knitting-needle spear hunting lions. And Midge on a larger plastic elephant hunting tigers with a plastic cocktail-decoration sword. And poor Stacy having spent the entire winter outside frozen in a block of ice in a huge coffee container because when we took them outside, they turned to slave labor to help them build shelter and gather food, only she tried to escape and they ran her down and imprisoned her, and we had to go back inside before the resistance sprang her from the coffee can. And then I guess it rained. Anyway, her hair was nearly white after that.

Our Barbies suffered from premature aging. My first Barbie spent like two years in a tree. . . but that's another story.

[bogboblin.livejournal.com]

NATURAL FONDNESS

[bogboblin.livejournal.com]

They're all sticking their arses out and most are exposing them at the same time.

That they're horses doesn't quite register when you think of the intended market.

[camwyn]

Unfortunately I've just been given a thought I cannot un-think.

It involves Russian rulers who were little girls once too.

(It was followed swiftly by 'you do realize that that's not ACTUALLY how she died, right?', but still.)

[pandoras-closet.livejournal.com]

BWAH HA HA HA HA!

[genarti]

...And yet, you share the thought.

Owwie.

[camwyn]

It has been said that I travel through the world like an avatar of Hastur, leaving sanity shredded in my wake like a byakhee on holiday. While I think this is a bit of an exaggeration, I do like to think I'm a bit better at inducing expressions like the one in your icon than your average Nightmare Fuel Station Attendant.

Which reminds me, I should get a chain to hang my d20 pendant from instead of the cord it came with.

[skyshark.livejournal.com]

They're all sticking their arses out and most are exposing them at the same time.

This is what disturbed me the most, yes. Basically, if you're anywhere but head-on or sideways, you're looking up a skirt. o.O No please.

[ebony14.livejournal.com]

I feel this strange urge to drive to this toy company's headquarters and throttle the designer of these toys and napalm their marketing department.

Sorry, the latter half of that isn't so strange. I've wanted to napalm marketing departments at toy companies for at least ten years.

[cheezdanish.livejournal.com]

>_>

I'd totally buy them, if I were still 8.

I was a bit of a OOH SHINY HORSES kid. My Little Ponies, those fantastic German resin models, yes, Barbie's many horses. Although my Struts would probably end up sans shoes, if they still stood without them, because I lost the accessories a lot as a child.

[vivian-shaw.livejournal.com]

I don't believe I've ever encountered a horse who wore high heels or ruffly synthetic-fiber whore dresses. I've encountered a lot of horses that wore bits of metal nailed to their feet and spent a lot of time with hard leather and metal objects strapped firmly to their bodies, though.

They went the wrong direction with this. Should have been BDSM: The Horsening.

[camwyn]

That could actually lead to an RPG setting bordering on a mixture between TMNT and the World of Darkness games, chronicling the "are they serious? No, really, guys, I can't tell if I"m supposed to be laughing or not" aeons-long war between horsekind and the world's cattle (and occasional pigs). I mean, the horses are wearing arseloads of cattle hide, and it had to have come from somewhere, and in a world where the horses are wearing recognizable garments, the implication is that they wear it of their own choosing (I'm assuming telekinesis is involved in getting it on), and I think we're going to have to go Gamma World on this one to explain non-anthro horses wearing recognizable forms of human clothing because if we go with a major nuclear conflict with a few freakydeaky psywar elements thrown in we can assume that heavily domesticated animals that survived the apocalypse are patching into the human collective unconscious and use the weird background to justify the psychic powers needed to put the clothing on, and now it's terrible conflict between the survivor species across the ages and ALL BECAUSE SOME ARSEHOLES WANTED HORSES IN CLOTHES. WTF.

...

*eyes Jolt can on desk*

*picks up Jolt can*

The sad thing is, there's like a third of the can left, so I can't even blame that on the caffeine.

[agoodshinkickin.livejournal.com]

Oh good lord, MY EYES!

(I used to have My Little Ponies as a kid, mostly for the brightly colored, sparkly, hand held cartoon characters. And while I fully support stylized animation, this is just too far.)

[lwood.livejournal.com]

*sigh* These horses are exactly as deformed as their "human" counterparts.

-- Lorrie

[pandoras-closet.livejournal.com]

*cries*

[genarti]

...Oh my god those things are ALIENS.

And not especially pretty ones, at that.

Ew.

[eevieivy.livejournal.com]

...they're wearing high heels.

THEY'RE WEARING HIGH HEELS.

WTF???

I remember Fashion Fillies. This is much more disturbing.

[neotoma.livejournal.com]

Horses dressed in high heels and schoolgirl fetish-wear?

This is like the worst of Barbie and My Pretty Pony mashed together.

[hortorum.livejournal.com]

And I thought the day glo abortions that are My Little Pony were an equine nightmare too far...

Someone always has to take it a step further don't they? :-)

[whobunkyboo.livejournal.com]

I saw these in ugly_crap, because they are. However, where they really belong is in a LJ community called 20_shades_of_wrong.