Og Movie Review: 300, Troy

[camwyn]

Og here.

Og sorry Og not show up for many moon. Og try explain, but it too long, so Og sum up: Og really really busy. Also Microsoft Office still bad as crazy mog-ur but Og think Og reader knew that, yeah? Yeah. So.

Og watch some movie lately. Two movie. Same kind movie, really- 'ooo, bet person who live in nice safe shiny world with nice safe shiny light and hot and cold water want see person who live in big dangerous world with lots of men in very little leather'. That kind movie.

No, not that kind movie. Og cave dude, not pervert.

First, Og see 300. This movie have Phantom of Sing Funny In Funny Clothes do lots of yelling, lead mostly naked men to fight LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS of men who wear more. Mostly naked men die. Og hope Og not spoil that for you, but Og need be honest: Og not stupid cave dude. Og have teacher long ago make Og read book by story-teller, name of Herodotus. Whole story in there. Og mother's mother have to read Herodotus too. Og pretty sure if Og have to read Herodotus, and Og mother's mother have to read Herodotus, and many many generation have to read Herodotus, then law of It Happen Too Long Ago in place and Og not to blame for spoil ending. Anyway, Og have fun time watch this movie. Mostly naked men yell lots. Og have hard time not laugh until rolling in puddle of mammoth blood, because Og want to know how Chief of All Clan of Persia get out front opening of cave with no skins on at all, only shiny things in face. Og also want know if Chief of All Clan of Persia have problem with gold stuff on butt. Does that chafe? Og think it look like it chafe. And Og really want know where Chief of All Clan of Persia get hairless mammoth. Hairless mammoth that big feed Og clan for month or more. Mostly naked men kill hairless mammoth of Persia easy, it probably not that hard.

So, it fun movie, but it not what Og remember have to read long ago. Og accept that. That happen sometimes. What Og NOT accept is other movie. See, Og also watch Troy. That movie take ten-year clan fight and say 'oh, it last two week'. TWO WEEK.

Okay, little more than two week but NOT BY MUCH.

Og not sure what happen to story of Troy when movie people got hand on it, but spirits, it not good. Og think big attraction of Troy is stabby men run around in skirt, put spear in other stabby men run around in skirt. Problem is, Troy act as if it more than story of stabby men run around in skirt. It have Peter O'Toole. PETER O'TOOLE. How Og say 'oh, this silly movie, Og sit in cave and throw squirrel guts at movie and have fun' when movie have Peter O'Toole? Og have to pay attention, like if Og listen to story from old respectable clan story-teller. When that happen whole movie fall apart. Too much serious, not enough stabby men in skirt. Serious movie supposed to get story right and this not story right at all.

Og pretty sure one scene show sun come up in either west or north but Og not willing go back and watch movie again to make sure.

Og want know one thing about this movie. Lot of movie, really. Og want know: why whole world of Greece and Rome and Egypt time sound like everybody come from England? Og not mind way people talk in 300 because mostly naked men have more than one way of talk. Chief of mostly naked men not able keep one way of talk through whole movie but eh, mostly naked man chief not need talk one way, him chief of mostly naked man. Troy have everybody talk like everybody come from England. Og pretty sure chief of Sparta, chief of Mycenae, chief of Troy not all talk same way, but GUESS WHAT MOVIE SAY. Even Achilles talk like from England, and from same part England as all other people in this movie. In other movie everybody talk like from England, too. Og watch Gladiator once. (Og not do that again. Og want know what camera dude doing during fight scene. Camera work remind Og of time Og roll down hillside real fast after Og eat bad mushroom.) Everybody sound like England. Og watch Son Of Clan Chief Of Egypt once. Everybody from Egypt sound like England. Everybody Hebrew sound like AMerica. (Og pretty sure Moses pretty stupid if Moses not figure out from way Moses talk that maybe Moses Hebrew and not from Egypt.) That not all that important. Og just annoyed, like at end of summer when flying biting bug still all over Og territory and not leave Og alone.

Og have more fun watch 300 than Troy. Both story very silly, not right at all, but movie of mostly naked men not claim it story of big important thing with Lawrence of Arabia playing Clan Chief of Troy. 300 not right story, but it more honest about what it is, so Og willing see 300 again and leave movie of stabby men in skirt in video rental cave where it belong.

Comments

[mephron]

HAIL OG!

[camwyn]

Og willing put up with whole lot of mammoth dung from movie if movie fun to watch, but even Og have limit to how much dung Og willing to take. Og live in cave, not Pit With No Bottom.

[fidelioscabinet.livejournal.com]

Og, I seem to recall plenty of Pitt bottom in Troy.
Oh, sorry, I see Og meant pit with only one 't'.
My bad.

[camwyn]

Yeah, Og see that too. Og not impressed.




Og rather see Bean bottom but that not gonna happen.

[dragonwhishes.livejournal.com]

... Og, we have missed you. *dead from laughter*

[janewt.livejournal.com]

Well, Og, sounding like they're from England is the way we Americans know they're foreign. It's like Captain Picard: we know he's French, because he has an English accent.

[camwyn]

This one time, Og see movie about life of Jeremiah. Og not remember much about it. Og remember man from Ethiopia sound a little strange, but Og pretty sure that man eunuch, so Og not think about that much. Og watch movie because Og mother watch movie, that all. Everybody sound like England until Chief N... Og not getting enough pointy rock to try and spell name of chief of men of Babylon.... until Chief of Men of Babylon turn up on scene. Chief of Men of Babylon sound GERMAN.

Og admit it not much subtle for chief of men of Babylon sound like German, since that chief supposed to be enemy, but Og so shocked to hear someone sound like something NOT ACTUALLY FROM ENGLAND that Og still do little happy dance when Og think of it. Other movie have even bad guy sound like England. This like biting into week-old mammoth and OH HEY IT CAVE RHINO AND IT FRESH.

[lasa.livejournal.com]

I took a course in seminary that was based on movies from the Old Testament - and this was something we all realized really, really quickly. All the ancient Hebrews - especially the children - had British accents.

[fuchsoid.livejournal.com]

The best wierd accent choice I can think of is Alexander, where the Greeks had English accents, and the Macedonians had Irish accents. I've no idea if this was just to cover Colin Farrell's accent, or if Oliver Stone was trying to make a point. I'd fallen asleep by the time the Persians appeared, so I've no idea what they sounded like.

[batyatoon]

OG! Hi Og! Toon do dance of Welcome Back Mighty Hunter of Stories!

Toon not very much want see either those movies. Toon mate say he never wanted see either of those movies and now want to see them EVEN LESS.