(no subject)

[camwyn]

The Book of Ulgo, rendered from memory:

Gorim: My people need a God. I'll go find one.
UL: Look, I want nothing to do with you. Go away.
Gorim: No.
UL: Suit yourself.
*ONE YEAR LATER*
UL: .... you're still here.
Gorim: Yup. Come on, I've got people waiting.
UL: Uh, no.
*ONE YEAR LATER*
UL: Don' t you have something better to do?
Gorim: What, better than finding a God to love and cherish and care for and look after my people, who have nothing and no one at all? I don't think so.
UL: Oh, hell. Okay. Fine. I'll take them.
Gorim: Great. How about these creatures the other Gods made that they decided were a mistake? They've been looking after me and my needs this whole time-
UL: Hell no! There's a reason my sons decided they were a mistake!
Gorim: I'm not going anywhere until you take the creatures too.
*ONE YEAR LATER*
UL: . . . gaaaah, you just don't quit, do you? Fine. Okay. Your people and the monsters. HAPPY?
Gorim: Yep. I'll go get my peepz.
*Gorim goes back*
Gorim: Yo! My people! We have a god!
Godless Ones: ... you're shitting us.
Gorim: Nope.
Godless Ones: What's the deal with your skin?
Gorim: Wha? Oh, it's gone colorless because UL marked me to show His hand in things.
Godless Ones: Bull. You've got pestilence.
Gorim: Ah, no. And just to prove it- hey, UL? You mind?
UL: *zort*
Godless Ones: AAAAAH WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR SKIN AND HAIR
Gorim: Told you.
Some of the Godless Ones: Wow. That's kind of neat, actually.
Most of the Godless Ones: WE STILL SAY IT'S PESTILENCE
Gorim: Is not. Now are you gonna come with me to meet UL or what?
Some of the Godless Ones: Okay.
Most of the Godless Ones: HELL NO
Gorim: Screw you, I didn't spend all those years freezing my ass off on that mountain for this. NO MORE CHILDREN FOR YOU.
*Gorim and some of the Godless Ones leave*
*ONE YEAR LATER*
The remaining Godless Ones: Somebody go find Gorim and tell him we'd like our fertility back? Plz?

.... this rendition of David Eddings' fictional scripture of the Ulgos brought to you courtesy of my application for one of the other Belgariad deities at Milliways.

Comments

[pandoras-closet.livejournal.com]

That's actually pretty accurate.

[batyatoon]

*gleeeees* I can't wait.

[lwood.livejournal.com]

The remaining Godless Ones: Somebody go find Gorim and tell him we'd like our fertility back? Plz?

*SOME YEARS LATER*
Garath: Hi! Some old guy with a cart said--oof!
Remaining Godless Ones: *GLOMP* OMGs SOMEONE YOUNGER THAN REALLY OLD! *cries*
Garath: ...uh, hi. Got anything to eat? Some insignificant trifles? Heck, just anything that's not too terribly nailed down..
RGOs: WE LOVE YOU!
Garath: ......

[goweli.livejournal.com]

Bwahahahahaha! Please tell me that you're playing Beldin, because that'd be /funny/.

Damnit, now I need to go drag up the books and do a reread. It's been ages.

[camwyn]

Nah, although Beldin would be kind of fun.

Belar.

[ymfaery]

Is that the Bear God? Or whatever he's called who wears a bearskin?

[camwyn]

THat's him, yep.

[zwol.livejournal.com]

*laughing helplessly*

[not-croaker.livejournal.com]

Randomly amused (I liked the Elenium a whole lot more, but the Belgariad was quite cool.)

However, you remind me of one of the major background inconsistencies.

The Karands, the Dals, and the whatchamacallem other devil-summoners in northeastern Gar og Nadrak - they're supposed to be descended from the same race as the Ulgos, from the ones who didn't follow UL. Except that the ones who didn't follow UL got the whole "No kids for you!" Soup Nazi God Punishment Thing.

[camwyn]

The other devil-summoners are the Morindim. I think they wound up retconning it in Belgarath the Sorcerer to say that Gorim's people went off looking for a god and left the other godless ones to find their own fun, thus allowing Gorim's people to have the childlessness thing whilst everyone else bred like bunnies.

[silentsteel.livejournal.com]

*falls over cackling* XD

[ymfaery]

Funny and accurate. XD XD XD