(no subject)

[camwyn]

Geeze, the spam's coming in fast and thick today. Thank God for our anti-spam service and for properly configured junk mail filters.

I reiterate what I said in my When I Become Emperor post last year: when I become Emperor, I will have all the spammers in my empire rounded up, and I will have every bone in their hands broken. Including the little ones in the fingers, which are quite hard to do. Overseas spammers- well, I hope other countries will sign extradition treaties with me, because otherwise I'm going to need to start a ninja recruitment drive to go after the spamemrs without direct government orders, if you know what I'm saying.

Comments

[sanity-cheque.livejournal.com]

Schools out for summer!

And all the script-kiddies are at home, while mommy and daddy are away at work, running their little spamtools and zombie procs.

Wonderful time to be alive, isn't it?

[camwyn]

Maybe I should just start recruiting the ninjas now.

[sanity-cheque.livejournal.com]

Well, if you start recruiting now, you should be able to deploy them by next month... given the amount of time it takes your average ninja to hunt down one script-kiddie and "do the deed", spam should die off riiight about mid september... Just in time for school to start back up!!

It pays to plan ahead, or just to maintain your ninja armies year round.

[camwyn]

I suppose so. Perhaps if I get the recruiting going now I can have the ninja waiting in the dorm rooms when the kiddies arrive. It'll cut down on collegiate overcrowding, even.

[the_croupier]

My fantasy is that someone eventually builds the Ultimate Payback Application. When you get spammed, you just press a Big Red Button on your keyboard, and the U.P.A. makes an impressive Rumbling Sound of DOOM over your speakers.

About five seconds later, said spammer watches in horror as their entire (and, one hopes, extremely expensive) computer workstation freezes, flashes a graphic of a Big Hand with Middle Finger Extended at them, and then slowly, inexorably melts into a Pile of Steaming Plastic and (toxic) Heavy Metal Slag.

Extra bonus if their desk melts too. And the rest of their house.

Not that I'm vengeful.

Gods, no.

[ebony14.livejournal.com]

Sir or Madam,

I find your philosophy appealing and wish to subscribe to your newsletter. Can we make the pile of slag radioactive enough to sterilize the aforementioned punybrains? I like playing the long game when it comes to my revenge.

Yours in vengeance,

Ebony

[cheezdanish.livejournal.com]

Can we add a rider to that? Can we break the bones of the paper junk mailers, too?

Because, really, I'm drowning in credit card adverts over here.

[acid-mousie.livejournal.com]

me too! and i think it's especially unfair when cards who've JUST turned down my application say i've been specially selected for the card. that's just plain mean.

oh and i feel there is a place for coldcallers on the ninja hitlist. receptionists have feelings too and it's time those rude gits learnt the error of their ways....

[deep-shadow.livejournal.com]

I would start the ninja recruitment drive now, as odds are you'll need the time to sort through all the applicants. Because there's going to be a lot.

[maxineofarc.livejournal.com]

Ooh! Ooh! Can I be a spam-fighting ninja? I always said I wanted to be a ninja since the librarian thing didn't work out.

[dragonwhishes.livejournal.com]

I'll be a ninja!