Another Hellblazer: Hogwarts snippet
Oct. 22nd, 2005 07:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
camwynConsider this plus the last one submitted for general beta reading, please. There will be more to the chapter but I figured the least I could do was put this part out for check-over while at OVFF.
"Possibly, Hermione said, but a doubtful tone remained in her voice. "Harry? Are you all right?"
"Hm?" said Harry. "Sorry, Hermione-"
In fact, his thoughts had been quite elsewhere. He'd caught a snatch of Seamus Finnegan saying something to Lee Jordan about Hogsmeade and the new professor, but hadn't made out more than those few words. Whether the new professor came from the village, or had lodged there, or had something to do with the Hog's Head being rebuilt- he couldn't say...
“I was just thinking,” he finished, a bit lamely as they reached the classroom door.
“Well, think faster,” said Hermione. “That’s him coming now.”
Harry scrambled for the first available seat and hurriedly pulled out his textbook. The title hadn’t struck him as a particularly good sign, but Unpleasant Things It Is Sometimes Good To Know at least had the virtue of being large enough to hide behind. Hermione, he noted, had already annotated her copy extensively. “Here goes nothing,” he murmured as Ron took the seat next to him.
The door opened. The room went quiet.
“Right,” said Constantine, eyes scanning the room (Harry huddled a little lower behind a diagram of the optic nerves of the Diricawl). “Let’s skip the pleasantries, shall we? Some of you lot took your education into your own hands last year. You won’t be repeating that with me-“
“Some of us thought it was a better idea to at least try and learn something worthwhile,” Hermione muttered quietly.
Not quietly enough. Constantine had been about to speak again; he broke off what he had been about to say. “Right, who was that?”
“Me, Professor,” said Hermione, lifting her chin defiantly. “Hermione Granger.”
Harry peeped out from behind his book. Constantine’s blue eyes were narrowed, and he had an assessing look as he considered Hermione silently. Eventually he grunted. “Good,” he said.
Hermione blinked. “But you-“
“I said it won’t be happening, not that I object to it” Constantine pointed out. “You’re not going to need it. You won’t have the time for it either. Let’s get one thing straight, all right? I don’t give a rat’s arse about Ministry agendas or educational decrees, or any of that sort of rubbish. This Umbridge woman had no more place calling herself a teacher than I do calling myself a priest. Dumbledore’s hired me to keep you from getting yourselves killed- and that’s what I intend to teach you to do. It’s not going to be pretty, it’s not going to be easy-“
Hermione sat up a little straighter.
“It’s not going to be academic, either.”
She scowled. Harry couldn’t quite suppress a snicker. “Oh, do be quiet,” she snapped crossly.
A noise came from the front of the classroom- Constantine clearing his throat. “Do you mind, Miss Granger?” he said acidly.
“I’m sorry, Profes-“
Constantine shook his head, cutting her off. “As I was saying. This is a class in not having your arses handed to you, whether by this Voldemort bloke or- oh, for God’s sake!” he snarled as the murmurs started running around the room. “Cut that out, all of you!”
Harry lowered his book. Constantine had his wand in his hand and looked very much as if he was about ready to cast Silencio on the whole class. Gingerly, Harry cleared his throat. “Er, Professor-“
“Yes?” Constantine snapped, glancing up at Harry.
There was a clatter of wood on stone, as Constantine’s wand fell from suddenly nerveless fingers to the floor. The man’s face went chalk-white.
Explanation forgotten, Harry froze. Oh, no, not another-
”Tim?” Constantine blurted.
“. . . er, excuse me?” was all Harry could manage.
"Possibly, Hermione said, but a doubtful tone remained in her voice. "Harry? Are you all right?"
"Hm?" said Harry. "Sorry, Hermione-"
In fact, his thoughts had been quite elsewhere. He'd caught a snatch of Seamus Finnegan saying something to Lee Jordan about Hogsmeade and the new professor, but hadn't made out more than those few words. Whether the new professor came from the village, or had lodged there, or had something to do with the Hog's Head being rebuilt- he couldn't say...
“I was just thinking,” he finished, a bit lamely as they reached the classroom door.
“Well, think faster,” said Hermione. “That’s him coming now.”
Harry scrambled for the first available seat and hurriedly pulled out his textbook. The title hadn’t struck him as a particularly good sign, but Unpleasant Things It Is Sometimes Good To Know at least had the virtue of being large enough to hide behind. Hermione, he noted, had already annotated her copy extensively. “Here goes nothing,” he murmured as Ron took the seat next to him.
The door opened. The room went quiet.
“Right,” said Constantine, eyes scanning the room (Harry huddled a little lower behind a diagram of the optic nerves of the Diricawl). “Let’s skip the pleasantries, shall we? Some of you lot took your education into your own hands last year. You won’t be repeating that with me-“
“Some of us thought it was a better idea to at least try and learn something worthwhile,” Hermione muttered quietly.
Not quietly enough. Constantine had been about to speak again; he broke off what he had been about to say. “Right, who was that?”
“Me, Professor,” said Hermione, lifting her chin defiantly. “Hermione Granger.”
Harry peeped out from behind his book. Constantine’s blue eyes were narrowed, and he had an assessing look as he considered Hermione silently. Eventually he grunted. “Good,” he said.
Hermione blinked. “But you-“
“I said it won’t be happening, not that I object to it” Constantine pointed out. “You’re not going to need it. You won’t have the time for it either. Let’s get one thing straight, all right? I don’t give a rat’s arse about Ministry agendas or educational decrees, or any of that sort of rubbish. This Umbridge woman had no more place calling herself a teacher than I do calling myself a priest. Dumbledore’s hired me to keep you from getting yourselves killed- and that’s what I intend to teach you to do. It’s not going to be pretty, it’s not going to be easy-“
Hermione sat up a little straighter.
“It’s not going to be academic, either.”
She scowled. Harry couldn’t quite suppress a snicker. “Oh, do be quiet,” she snapped crossly.
A noise came from the front of the classroom- Constantine clearing his throat. “Do you mind, Miss Granger?” he said acidly.
“I’m sorry, Profes-“
Constantine shook his head, cutting her off. “As I was saying. This is a class in not having your arses handed to you, whether by this Voldemort bloke or- oh, for God’s sake!” he snarled as the murmurs started running around the room. “Cut that out, all of you!”
Harry lowered his book. Constantine had his wand in his hand and looked very much as if he was about ready to cast Silencio on the whole class. Gingerly, Harry cleared his throat. “Er, Professor-“
“Yes?” Constantine snapped, glancing up at Harry.
There was a clatter of wood on stone, as Constantine’s wand fell from suddenly nerveless fingers to the floor. The man’s face went chalk-white.
Explanation forgotten, Harry froze. Oh, no, not another-
”Tim?” Constantine blurted.
“. . . er, excuse me?” was all Harry could manage.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-10-22 11:48 pm (UTC)(And is that a nod to One For The Morning Glory, or am I misremembering?)
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Date: 2005-10-23 12:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-23 03:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-23 02:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-23 02:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-23 02:40 am (UTC)Somehow, when this is done, we need to figure a way to get it to Alan Moore, because I think he'd like it.
Anyway...yay! Love. Lots and lots of loving this.
no subject
Date: 2005-10-23 11:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-23 04:30 am (UTC)Excellent stuff. Looking forward to more. ^_^
Heh, and bad form, John, dropping your wand.
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Date: 2005-10-23 07:04 am (UTC)One of these days I have to figure out who the bleedin' hell Tim Hunter is. *scurries off to Wikipedia*
no subject
Date: 2005-10-24 02:23 am (UTC)Lee was in the same year as Gred&Forge, so he'd have graduated already (and had the nominal advantage, in that regard, of said two school-leavers). More likely, Seamus was talking to Dean Thomas.
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Date: 2005-10-24 06:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-24 01:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-27 11:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-18 06:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-16 11:49 pm (UTC)I know I'm way, way late and this is probably completely unappropriate, but - is there every going to be more parts of Hellblazer: Hogwarts?
Because the Potter hype has grown to such insane proportions now that the 7th book is coming out, a nice bit of the ol' Constantine to persiflage it would be a bit brilliant.