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camwynI am reviving a post that I put up about a year ago (I think). This is: Things That Really Ought To Be Obvious. I am thinking of putting them into some kind of introductory, mandatory, 'memorize this and understand it or the Emperor says you don't get out of high school' curriculum when I become Emperor.
THINGS THAT REALLY OUGHT TO BE OBVIOUS
(so sayeth the Emperor)
1. Never tailgate the liquid oxygen truck.
2. Don't take away food from a dog while it's eating.
3. Karate, or any other exercise, is harder the day after you donate blood than it was the week before.
4. Ice skates don't have brakes.
5. "You people" can never mean anything good, unless it's being said through tears of joy. And even then, it's still iffy.
6. No matter how similar the people are on either side of the border, both U.S. and Canadian border agencies consider Canada an international destination when you are leaving from Newark, New Jersey.
7. No food sold from a stand with wheels on is ever good for you.
8. If it's still alive, don't eat it.
9. A falling knife has no handle. And a falling glass object has no blunt edges.
10. Wild animals do not want you to touch them.
11. Don't walk through New York at night, alone.
12. Hang up and drive. In that order.
13. Don't walk behind a nervous horse.
14. Electrical sparks are not to be touched.
15. Let the car cool down before you open the radiator.
16. Don't mix cleansers.
17. Just because it says "non-toxic" doesn't mean that you should drink or eat it.
18. Screaming at someone who makes minimum wage accomplishes nothing.
19. If someone says they have an allergy, believe them.
20. "You'll get over her/him" or "you'll find someone else, someday" is NOT what the recently bereaved need to hear. NOT.
21. Visible bones are not a good thing.
22. Flashing lights on a vehicle never mean anything good.
23. You cannot swing on the chandelier.
24. Glass is stronger than your teeth. So's metal.
25. Don't take pet birds out of their cages in a room with a door that opens onto the outside world.
26. If you have children, it is your job to keep them under control. (The Emperor is very big on this.)
27. Don't throw stuff at zoo animals.
28. Six hours of weight lifting in one day does NOT equal one hour per day for six days.
29. Soap makers don't appreciate Fight Club jokes.
30. Shouting in the mountains is generally not a good idea.
31. Get out of the pool before you pee.
32. Excretory functions and most forms of hygiene should not be done in public.
33. No sentence in English or Spanish requires more than two exclamation points.
34. Never tell someone that it's all in their mind, or just in their mind.
35. It takes big vehicles more time and space to stop than small ones.
36. The ocean will swallow you whole if you aren't paying attention. Sometimes it will do this even if you ARE paying attention.
37. Don't touch people unless they touch you first, or unless theyask you to touch themsay it's okay first.
38. Take it out of the tinfoil before you microwave it.
39. Job interviews outside the adult entertainment industry are the wrong place for nudity- yours, the person in your tattoo's, or the person on your tie's.
40. Get permission before you use someone else's stuff.
41. Physics takes precedence over right of way, and human bones go crunch pretty easily.
THINGS THAT REALLY OUGHT TO BE OBVIOUS
(so sayeth the Emperor)
1. Never tailgate the liquid oxygen truck.
2. Don't take away food from a dog while it's eating.
3. Karate, or any other exercise, is harder the day after you donate blood than it was the week before.
4. Ice skates don't have brakes.
5. "You people" can never mean anything good, unless it's being said through tears of joy. And even then, it's still iffy.
6. No matter how similar the people are on either side of the border, both U.S. and Canadian border agencies consider Canada an international destination when you are leaving from Newark, New Jersey.
7. No food sold from a stand with wheels on is ever good for you.
8. If it's still alive, don't eat it.
9. A falling knife has no handle. And a falling glass object has no blunt edges.
10. Wild animals do not want you to touch them.
11. Don't walk through New York at night, alone.
12. Hang up and drive. In that order.
13. Don't walk behind a nervous horse.
14. Electrical sparks are not to be touched.
15. Let the car cool down before you open the radiator.
16. Don't mix cleansers.
17. Just because it says "non-toxic" doesn't mean that you should drink or eat it.
18. Screaming at someone who makes minimum wage accomplishes nothing.
19. If someone says they have an allergy, believe them.
20. "You'll get over her/him" or "you'll find someone else, someday" is NOT what the recently bereaved need to hear. NOT.
21. Visible bones are not a good thing.
22. Flashing lights on a vehicle never mean anything good.
23. You cannot swing on the chandelier.
24. Glass is stronger than your teeth. So's metal.
25. Don't take pet birds out of their cages in a room with a door that opens onto the outside world.
26. If you have children, it is your job to keep them under control. (The Emperor is very big on this.)
27. Don't throw stuff at zoo animals.
28. Six hours of weight lifting in one day does NOT equal one hour per day for six days.
29. Soap makers don't appreciate Fight Club jokes.
30. Shouting in the mountains is generally not a good idea.
31. Get out of the pool before you pee.
32. Excretory functions and most forms of hygiene should not be done in public.
33. No sentence in English or Spanish requires more than two exclamation points.
34. Never tell someone that it's all in their mind, or just in their mind.
35. It takes big vehicles more time and space to stop than small ones.
36. The ocean will swallow you whole if you aren't paying attention. Sometimes it will do this even if you ARE paying attention.
37. Don't touch people unless they touch you first, or unless they
38. Take it out of the tinfoil before you microwave it.
39. Job interviews outside the adult entertainment industry are the wrong place for nudity- yours, the person in your tattoo's, or the person on your tie's.
40. Get permission before you use someone else's stuff.
41. Physics takes precedence over right of way, and human bones go crunch pretty easily.
