GIP

[camwyn]

In the words of Dave Barry, "I am not making this up." I took this photograph with my cell phone earlier today at the local ShopRite.

On what planet are these four items naturally supposed to go in the same aisle of the store, huh?

Comments

[whobunkyboo.livejournal.com]

On the same planet where this sentence doesn't even cause an eyebat:

"Welcome to the Optimal Health Institute Orientation lecture; for those of you who haven't yet picked up your enema kits, you can get themin the gift shop" ...

Pick up my what in the where, now???

[camwyn]

I think I like the gift shop at the Museum of Sex better, really.

[mhw.livejournal.com]

Obviously the planet that I live on, since I misread your themin as theremin and then spent a couple of seconds wondering about the relationship between enemas and early electronic musical instruments.

[isustrikanda.livejournal.com]

that... that just makes my brain hurt.

Are you sure this isn't some sort of April-Fools thing?

[camwyn]

No ma'am it is not. I walked down that aisle and saw them for myself. I can only assume it's seasonal in preparation for Memorial Day barbecues or something, but... crackers, cookies, specialty cookies, lighter fluid.

Buh.

[isustrikanda.livejournal.com]

that's just skeery. yeeg.

[zou.livejournal.com]

You don't dip your cookies in lighter fluid?
You're missin' out on a great thing, man.

[deep-shadow.livejournal.com]

For the snacking pyromaniac in all of us.

[condotierre.livejournal.com]

I can only think of -one- place that sign might apply, Og - in some demented version of American McGee's 'Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory'.

...No don't throw a rock at me. I think I just hurt my -own- brain.

[camwyn]

I don't think we even need to go that far. Just poke Willy in the ribs and make him a little crankier than usual. In his world it's probably appropriate for Guy Fawkes Day or something.

[condotierre.livejournal.com]

Maybe it's just a welcome home party for the Knids.

[mephron]

Somewhere, someone is looking at that picture and trying to figure out how to start a holiday based on incendiary cookies.

That someone is not me. Today.

[akawil]

I like their "Asian Kosher Taco Soup" aisle, too. Because I always read it as one item.

[camwyn]

[Dave_Barry] "Asian Kosher Taco Soup" would be a great name for a rock band. [/Dave_Barry]

Asian Kosher Taco Soup

[chaos-wrangler.livejournal.com]

The closest I can think of for all 4 is wanton soup w/extra veggies from a kosher restaurant, but really it's the taco + soup combination that's bothering me since tacos are too open to do well in soup...

Now you've got me thinking about how to make (good) Asian Kosher Tacos. I've made Mexican/American Kosher Tacos in the past, but this would certainly be interesting.

Re: Asian Kosher Taco Soup

[camwyn]

Let me know if you figure it out. I'm still working on the treyf bomb idea with ladymondegreen- we're starting from white clam chowder and seeing just how treyf we can make it without altering the dish or the meal experience beyond reasonable expectations.

We have the dairy and meat. We have the shellfish. We have the fact that most chowders have bacon or salt pork in. I'm thinking we need to crack in a few stone crab claws as a reasonable addition, given that they're usually taken from animals that are left alive. We should probably also serve it during Passover and thicken it with wheat flour, serve it with the wrong kind of wine, and have it brought to table by a menstruating woman who provides a napkin made from a wool/linen blend of fibers. For preference she should have a skin disease as well.

For maximum effect I think we have to have the whole thing prepared in a kitchen dedicated to somebody else's god of cooking and the hearth, but after that it gets a bit difficult unless you can make a reasonable case for birds of prey or possibly insects of some kind being involved.

Re: Asian Kosher Taco Soup

[midnightlurker.livejournal.com]

Eel. It's a fish without scales. (I don't keep kosher. I couldn't live without unagi maki.)

I think the only thing you've got left after that is to add some human flesh...

Re: Asian Kosher Taco Soup

[chaos-wrangler.livejournal.com]

I've just been informed that there is such a thing as taco soup, or possibly tortilla soup, which is taco/tortilla filling and pieces of shells in soup. Apparently my problem was trying to keep the tacos whole while in the soup.

treyf bomb additions

[chaos-wrangler.livejournal.com]

I was thinking that having it brought to the table by a menstruating woman would be irrelevant (unless she were to sleep with the male diner, which - no) unless... here's a few more categories of things that can be added (reasonably I think, but I'm not really familiar with what goes into clam chowder):

Have one of the plant-based ingredients be from the first of the harvest in Israel. This is even "better" if you assume a non-Cohen diner outside of Jerusalem (i.e. most of the jews in most of the world).

Add something tree-based (fruit, spice, juice/oil, etc) from a tree in Israel which was planted less than four years ago.

Add something tree-based from another tree in Israel which was planted four years ago and which hasn't been redeemed (the tree-based food, not the tree).

Re: treyf bomb additions

[meg-alomaniac.livejournal.com]

Dude, the menstruating woman thing is relevant because in the bible it's all like "Menstruating women are unclean! If you touch a menstrating woman, or anything that she has touched, you have to wash yourself." (I'm tempted to say burn the 'unclean section' with the lighter fluid found in the cookie aisle, but I'm not sure how I could make that be funny...)

I suppose that as camwyn has said, just the mere idea of lighter fluid in the cookie aisle is funny in it's own right.

Re: treyf bomb additions

[chaos-wrangler.livejournal.com]

Um, no. The "unclean" factor (bad translation, btw) is only relevant with respect to certain rituals, locations, special items, etc. For your average diner nowadays it doesn't matter at all, which is why I gave the first suggestion I did, because that's a case where it is relevant.

[sundre.livejournal.com]

what... what are specialty cookies? are they flammable?

[camwyn]

I don't know. I think they might be things like Atkins cookies or something.

[sarekofvulcan.livejournal.com]

There was a store in the Rhode Island Mall that used to have the sign:

Children's
Lingerie