*ahem*

[camwyn]

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS FOR 2005 I CAN ACTUALLY KEEP
(with some apologies to the characters of Frumpy the Clown)

1. I will not eat dirt.
2. I will not yell at old people.
3. I will not marry for money.
4. I will not grow a beard.
5. I will not get LASIK.
6. I will not run for President of the United States.
7. I will not domesticate spiders.
8. I will not leap tall buildings in a single bound.
9. I will not cause avalanches rewrite anything's genetic code.
10. I will not put out the Sun.

Comments

[feonixrift.livejournal.com]

Very nice. =)

[wikdsushi.livejournal.com]

You know, that tenth one just strikes me as a really, really big "oops" waiting to happen.

[camwyn]

Well, if I do break it, I'll have about eight minutes in which to grovel for forgiveness.

[wikdsushi.livejournal.com]

Or, y'know, pretend nothing happened and try to get laid really, really quickly. ;)

haha...

[unsigned.livejournal.com]

/quote

2. I will not yell at old people.

/unquote

Don't come to Florida!

[subtle-guns.livejournal.com]

Number ten. I assume that means that the lasers are gone?

[camwyn]

Dude. CHILL.

The lasers were for the moon, not the sun. Not even Geissman lenses are capable of maintaining a coherent bean over 93 million miles of space.

[ocean-song.livejournal.com]

I'd say you do #8 regularly. And mentioning #9 and #10 is just tempting fate. I'd be careful if I were you. :)

[camwyn]

Honestly, you and the Punisher... *sigh* All right, how's this?

*scratches out #9*
*replaces it with:*

9. I will not rewrite anything's genetic code.

[milkshake-b.livejournal.com]

3. I will not marry for money.

Really? Not even a lot of money?

[camwyn]

Not even then.

(NB: That one, the dirt one, the old people one, and the beard one were taken from a list of 'doable resolutions' in the Frumpy the Clown comic strip. It was being written by an eight-year-old girl.)

[kelathefinn.livejournal.com]

What's LASIK?

[camwyn]

Laser-Assisted In Situ Keratomileusis, aka 'flap and zap', probably the most common surgical means of correcting nearsightedness in the States (and, I think, Canada). A doctor either uses a microkeratome or a targeted laser to slice the cornea's surface so that a flap of it can be lifted and held out of the way. Then the doctor uses a computer-guided laser to strategically vapourise sections of the exposed corneal surface. When the flap is put back, the cornea has been reshaped to compensate for the eyeball's shape defects that had caused near/farsightedness. The procedure can be done quickly and has quite a fast recovery time, and a very high success rate in good surgical candidates.

I can resolve not to get LASIK because I had it done five years ago. My old contact lens prescription was -3.5 diopters. Before I put the lenses in, I could only see clearly as far as my elbow. Within three hours of the surgery I could see well enough to drive (though I didn't, as my pupils were still dilated).