I'm doing something very, very dangerous, and I may need your help.

[camwyn]

Kind people of LJ, it seems I must make a request of you. Or some of you, anyway.

You see, I am currently working on a piece of original fiction set in the American 'Old West'. Specifically, in the year 1870. The premise of the story is that recent events have caused magic to surge back into the otherwise mundane U.S. with a vengeance- and that west of the Mississippi, it all behaves in accordance with Chinese expectations and beliefs. One of the main characters is attempting to hire a partner to help him deal with this mess; said partner is from Guangdong Province and is trained in traditional Chinese medicine. I'm doing my best to write his dialogue in a realistic manner, but his English is far from perfect (here I am emulating the example of a woman in my office, a naturalized citizen who was born and raised in Shanghai). It is, however, better than the American's attempts at Cantonese.

I was hoping that those of you who are of Chinese ancestry, citizenship, ethnicity, or other significant cultural linkage to China might be willing to look over what I've got so far and smack me over the head with my own keyboard if I've made him come out sounding like anything other than 'an educated man who has trouble with a foreign language despite his best efforts to the contrary'. If you're interested, could you ping me and let me know? Thank you...

Comments

[dragomorph.livejournal.com]

I'm half-Chinese; I suppose I could try and compare it to my Po's dialect, though she speaks Taisan. (It's close enough to Cantonese, though, that she can understand it.)

E-mail is bodgerkirin@hotmail.com.

Dragomorph
"You should sneak in that nifty Chinese-English phrasebook too."

[camwyn]

Er... I guess I wasn't clear. I didn't use any actual Chinese in this beyond the Cantonese usage of 'hai' for 'yes'. I've been saying 'X character switched to Cantonese' or 'Y character reverted to English'- I don't write in languages I don't know if I can avoid it.

What I mean is: I have a character for whom English is a second language trying to carry on a conversation with a native English speaker. The ESL guy's English comes out kinda broken as a result. I wanted to ask for people to look over what I'd written and say either 'well, it's bad English, but it's not unreasonable' or 'sweet mother of toothpaste, woman, he sounds like you're pulling the dialogue from Enter the Fat Dragon'.

[dragomorph.livejournal.com]

No no, I understood exactly what you meant. Used the wrong word, though. I meant "accent," actually -- my Po speaks a very accented English, and my Gung slightly less so.

Dragomorph
"I suppose dialect's a tad irrelevant, tho"

[camwyn]

Ah, okay. Thank you. On its way then.

*crosses fingers rather a lot*

[ahmeemee.livejournal.com]

I can have a go at it as well, though it's been many, many years since my ESL days.

[camwyn]

Er... I've misplaced your email addy.

[irian.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm full Chinese but I don't know if I'm what you're looking for since my grandparents came from the wrong part of China. they speak Hokkien instead Cantonese.

[camwyn]

Mostly what I'm looking for is reassurance that I'm writing at least reasonably well and that I haven't gone and been horrendously offensive to anyone.

[camwyn]

So, er, if you're still interested, pass me your email addr and I'll punt what I've got in your direction.

[irian.livejournal.com]

Sure. utena_kimlim@yahoo.com

[camwyn]

On the way. Catch!

[irian.livejournal.com]

Got it. Give me a couple of days to go through it and I'll see if what I can comment on. ^_^

[camwyn]

Fabulous. Thank you very much.

[chaos-wrangler.livejournal.com]

My linguistic sub-field is Semitic rather than Sino, so the best I can offer is a consistency check, i.e. if he's making this mistake here he ought to be making this corresponding one here. Useful?

[afrai.livejournal.com]

It looks like you've already got a couple of people, but if you want another beta, I'd be happy. I'm Chinese and have a fair amount of experience with Chinese-accented English.

[camwyn]

It would probably still help. Email addr?

[afrai.livejournal.com]

civilisedsyllabub @ yahoo.co.uk

*quietly friending you*

[redplasticglass.livejournal.com]

Hmm. surfed in from vonbrigthi

I know you don't know me, but I think your story concept is incredibly interesting. :)

I'm Cantonese, have somewhat of a grasp on all of the above (in some cases more, others less), so if you wouldn't mind a complete stranger looking your work over, feel free to poke at me.

Re: *quietly friending you*

[camwyn]

I think I have room for one more person, yeah. Pop your email address my way and I'll throw you what I've got.

Re: *quietly friending you*

[redplasticglass.livejournal.com]

uniform_union@yade.de

Re: *quietly friending you*

[camwyn]

Okeydoke. I'll punt it your way.