Have seen the Constantine trailer. Still got both my eyes.

[camwyn]

I was persuaded to watch the trailer last night by pandoras_closet, despite the screaming of my self-preservation instinct.

I still don't believe in the movie. The problem is not that Keanu is bad. The problem is that he is completely unconvincing. He's the wrong colour, skin and hair and eyes alike. He looks too clean. He dresses wrong (I don't remember seeing anything that qualified as The Coat). He sounds wrong, naturally. He didn't even look like he knew what to do with his cigarette! It was completely impossible to believe that the guy I was looking at was in any way representative of, or even related to, the Right King of All Bastards. You might as well cast Tom Felton as Othello and expect me to believe I was looking at the Moor of Venice.

If you're going to cast an American in the part, and move the story to the States, at least have the decency to translate the atmosphere, too. America can't match the sense of Ancient Dreadfulness that hangs over Constantine's Britain; we shouldn't even try. But the sense of corrosive, pervasive promise-gone-to-rot that can be found in your finer film noir and hardboiled detective stories might just be our analogue. Find an actor who's suited to the part, not someone who got an honourary award for best action movie star at the World Stunt Awards. (I have nothing against action or stunt work, but it's not exactly the same thing as what John does, now is it.) Get a decent writer. Lock the director down in front of The Maltese Falcon and Touch of Evil and things like that for a fortnight or two. Then let them do it. Translate it properly into the American milieu and it might have a chance.

But don't ask me to believe in Keanu, because it can't be done.

Comments

[quintus.livejournal.com]

"Whoa... It's the First of the Fallen dude... Bogus!"

Someone deserves a very rude postcard from Perth.

[camwyn]

"Strange things are afoot at the Circle K, Chas..."

[mephron]

I try to avoid believing in Keanu in general.

I'm hoping that eventually he'll disappear.

[camwyn]

I had the rather unnerving realisation that Chow Yun-Fat could do a better job in the part than Keanu. Now my brain is attempting to translate all of Hellblazer into something you could see coming out of Hong Kong.

[charliesmum.livejournal.com]

I love you. The idea of Keanu in this role fills me with the same amount of ire as the Disney version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame did. Which was quite a lot. Don't even get me started on that cartoon...

The thing that kills me is there is an actor out there who would be a perfect John. James Marsters would have been the perfect choice. Anyone who saw him as Spike would agree with me. AND he can do a decent British accent. AND he looks like Constantine. AND he can act. So it really bothers me that they've wasted the character in this movie.

Gah. Makes me what to throw things.

[camwyn]

I know, hon. I know. I've been repeating the same mantra ever since I found out about the casting for this movie. Take a deep breath and say it with me:

"They didn't call it Hellblazer. I don't have to believe in it. They didn't call it Hellblazer. It doesn't count."

[lots42.livejournal.com]

The fact that they had him -living- in California made me know it would suck right out.

John wouldn't even visit California on a dare. (Maybe to kick The First in the nads but he'd leave ASAP)

[anaid-rabbit.livejournal.com]

Oh God, not Keanu. He *can`t* act!

[camwyn]

Yeah, I know, I know... He's good at action. I'll definitely give him that. But while there are action stars who can act, he just... doesn't strike me as one of them.

[erisiansaint]

Ok, I've seen Keanu actually /act/, in one film, "Something's Gotta Give." That's just me pointing out that once in a while, he does act.

That said, I'm wrathful about this movie. I adore John Constantine, and any jackass who claims that Keanu will bring the right "naive innocence" to the role hasn't read the fucking comics. Constantine is no longer naive, if he EVER was, nor is he innocent. (Ditto.) The man was practically born hanging onto a wire coat hanger, according to the comic. Naive and innocent? HELL no.

But, whoever said James Marsters would make a great Constantine...give that man a cookie! He hit the nail on the head with that one.

[camwyn]

Naive innocence?

Didn't the character sort of strangle his unborn twin brother with his own umbilical cord? (Or did they ultimately pin that on his dad?)

[mephron]

James Marsters would get the part.

If they had wanted to americanize him, they should have used either William H. Macy or, god help us all, Lance "My Eyes Have Seen Horrors You CAnnot Imagine" Henrikson.

[tibicina.livejournal.com]

They wouldn't even need to use one of the others to Americanize him. I'm pretty sure James Martsters /is/ American. Go listen to an interview with him sometime, the Spike accent was adopted for the role.

[hangingfire.livejournal.com]

There's really only one thing I want to see in this movie, and that's Tilda Swinton as the archangel Gabriel. The rest can go to blazes, as far as I'm concerned. Damn The Matrix for turning Keanu into an A-list movie star.

"Tom Felton as Othello". Hee hee hee.

[pandoras-closet.livejournal.com]

Well New York comes close, I understand.

[textivore.livejournal.com]

You know, I happen to think Keanu can actually act, but that he has a very narrow range. And it's news to noone whose read the source material that this is monumentally outside that range. Why do Hollywood idiots insist on making adaptations that so utterly fail to adapt any of what makes the original noteworthy?

[just-the-ash.livejournal.com]

I'm sure you can imagine my pained writhing at Keanu as Siddhartha Gautama in Little Buddha.

[camwyn]

There's a reason I haven't even tried to watch that movie.

[ahmeemee.livejournal.com]

...you know, it wasn't until I read this post that I realised that the movie Constantine and your Constantine were supposed to be the same person. Quelle différence!

[genarti]

My reactions, in order:

"There's a Constantine movie coming out? Ooh! I hadn't even heard of it; I wonder if they'll do it right?"

"...It's starring Keanu? Oh."

[shadowspinner.livejournal.com]

Is the trailer online then? Could I have the link?

...

Because I just haven't had enough of that "NOOOOOO! How could they!?" feeling lately.

[shadowspinner.livejournal.com]

Well, I found it (http://www.insanerantings.com/hell/movie/trailer.html). I just really, really wish I hadn't. Seriously.
I dunno if its just me, but I just don't think Keanu Reeves is attractive enough. Constantine used to be a pretty boy, right? And I'm assuming he's aged fairly well considering the amount of girls he goes through (all of them young(er) and pretty damn attractive).
BTW, since when did Keanu Reeves have such a deep voice?

Where?

[unsigned.livejournal.com]

..is this trailer?

[oneminutemonkey.livejournal.com]

A quote from Family Guy comes to mind.

"Is that a woodpecker on your head?" "Yeah, he comes and goes."

[batyatoon]

Give him a decade or so, and I wouldn't mind at all seeing Tom Felton as Othello.

Just sayin'.

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

I have yet to figure out what anyone sees in Tom Felton.

[lisechen.livejournal.com]

Dude, I can't even talk about this movie, because it's blasphemy, and sends me into an uncontrollable rage. I just like to sit back and imagine the nasty beating Keanu's gonna take when John catches up to him.

[camwyn]

To borrow a punishment I figured he'd inflict on one of the Hellblazer writers who put him through extra crap... he'll kick him clear into League of Extraordinary Gentlemen with a sign reading 'Hyde- this guy wanks to pictures of Mina' taped to his head.

[tundra-no-caps.livejournal.com]

High-Fantasy Action Ghostbusters/Exorcist is what this seems like, not mindfucking gritty :/

[irian.livejournal.com]

Guh. I do *not* want to see Keanu "Neo" Reeves as John Constantine. Never mind that this isn't Hellblazer. He's still playing a character that is definitely *not* banking on boyish looks alone to survive in the streets.

[ebony14.livejournal.com]

My big problem isn't his appearance; Constantine can clean up and can clean up nicely (he just doesn't usually). My big problem is that, given what I've heard of the promo, Keanu sounds like he's boasting about all this crap he knows. It's like, "I'm John Constantine and I know all this scary stuff and you don't, neener neener neener." He comes off as an arrogant teenager and not as someone who puts their life and sanity on the line because neither Heaven nor Hell gives a rat's ass about Humanity beyond it being a pawn in the War. Add to that the fact that Keanu cannot portray a character in a horror film convincingly (witness "Dracula"; even surrounded by good actors, he blew), and this movie is just going to suck

[karmatrash.livejournal.com]

Typical overblown Hollywood crap. The dialogue I saw in the trailer was stilted, the special effects overdone, it looked like everything else.

The last thing the world needs is another Van Helsuck.