Hellblazer: Hogwarts, part 5
Feb. 10th, 2004 02:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
camwynOkay, I was a bit off. We'll get to the wand shop soon, I promise.
A year. I'm going to be stuck here at least a bloody year. Oh, sure, Dumbledore says he'll send me back early if he figures out how. Pull the other one, it's got bells on. He's a headmaster, it's a school, if he finds the spell to send me home in January where's he going to find a teacher for the rest of the year? No, if I'm lucky I'll go home in June.
Don't like to think of what'll happen back in my England if I'm not lucky.
Mind you, we are talking sodding enormous public school here. Hagrid (who has agreed to put me up for a month) says students get lost in the library for weeks at a time. Independent research, anyone?
Which reminds me- Dumbledore said he'd knock me up in the morning so I could catch a ride to London. No wand shop in Hogsmeade & the bookshop's not worth mentioning.
Hagrid snored. Oh, how he snored.
The gamekeeper's hut was big enough for any normal snorer to entertain overnight guests without trouble, but this was Hagrid. Dead people could likely hear him snoring. The cushion John had wrapped around his head in a desperate attempt to block out the horrible sound from the other room had not helped in the slightest. In the end he'd huddled in the depths of the enormous chair, counting up to a hundred and down again in a vain effort at reaching proper sleep. How the man's huge black boarhound could sleep through the din, John had no idea.
A particularly grinding roar from the other room shattered what little rest John had managed to achieve. Muttering imprecations under his breath, John staggered out of the chair and peered out the window. Dawn, or a little after- it was too misty outside to tell. Not his idea of a civilized hour to be awake, but there was nothing for it, really. Not with that bloody noise. Actually, no; it occurred to John that there was something for it. He fumbled in the dark for his raincoat, patting down the pockets and sighing with relief at the familiar old bulges. Someone would've paid in blood if he'd lost his Silk Cuts.
He'd just got outside and found himself a nice quiet spot around one side of the hut to shelter in when the voices floated through the fog. Cupping both hands protectively around the first real smoke he'd had since before King's Cross, he listened warily.
". . . no luck yet." It was a woman's voice. "Not for lack of trying, mind you- but with everyone from here to London convinced there's dementors lurking in their back garden, and Fudge trying to make up for a solid year of denials-"
"Then there have been no new leads at all?" And that was Dumbledore.
"Well- Kingsley's gone to Aberdyfi, there's been reports around Cader Idris that he thinks sound like the real thing, but I haven't heard back from him yet. I haven't had time to check in with the rest of the Order."
John considered the words, then dismissed them. It was still too early to go doing stupid things like talking, so far as he was concerned.
"That is a pity," murmured Dumbledore. "I had hoped. . . well. No matter. Will you have time to check on Harry?"
"Oh, I think so." The unseen woman laughed brightly. "About time Mad-Eye got some relief anyway. I'll swing by after I get finished in London- there was an unlicensed Apparition-"
"Is the Ministry equating underage wizards with Death Eaters now?"
"No, no, it's just some poor bloke in Muggle clothes dropped out of the air in broad daylight and almost got killed. No one saw what happened to him after that. Someone thought it might've been You-Know-Who's idea of a joke- you know, setting Muggles to killing each other-"
"Ah. Well, happily that is not the case. Lumos." A pearly white glow lit up the fog to John's left. Moments later, Dumbledore stepped into John's little circle of shelter, the wand in his hand the source of the light. "Allow me to present your endangered 'Muggle'."
The pink-haired young woman who followed two steps behind Dumbledore peered at John skeptically. "Um- no offense, Albus, but-"
John's mouth twisted in something that might've once been a smile. "You'll have to excuse me looks," he said dryly. "Caught me at a bit of a bad time. Here, Dumbledore, you haven't got a spare sock on you, have you? Only one of mine's wrapped around a half-brick somewhere I can't place."
Dumbledore shook his head gravely. "Alas, I fear I've left all of mine back at the castle." He indicated the woman next to him. "Allow me to introduce you; John, this is Nymphadora Tonks-" She scowled furiously at the sound of the name, but said nothing. "and this, Tonks, is John Constantine."
'Tonks' blinked a moment, looking from John to Dumbledore and back again as if she expected one or the other to confess to some great joke.
"What've you been telling her about me?" John asked out of the side of his mouth, even as Tonks exclaimed, "This? This is your new professor?"
"Potentially. Potentially," Dumbledore soothed. "Mr. Constantine has agreed to give us a year-"
"-only because I haven't got a choice-" John muttered sotto voce.
"-in exchange for our best efforts at sending him home."
"Ah? Where's home for you, then?" Tonks stepped nearer, looking John over a little more closely. Her eyes lingered for a moment on the lit cigarette. "You don't look like you're from around here."
"'m not." John tapped off a few bits of ash. "Home's London just now, only I figure it's a London two or three worlds away at least. Got myself blown through to here in a duel of sorts, and now I can't figure how to get back."
Tonks gave a low whistle. "Must've been some duel."
"You could say that. . . say, have I seen you before?"
"I don't think so-" Dumbledore cleared his throat; Tonks grinned. "Sorry, sorry. Apparently I’m to take the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor to London today. I hear you're in need of a new wand?"
"Yeah, among other things. . ."
"Well, you can tell me all about it on the way." Tonks rubbed her hands together briskly. "Come on. The sooner I get you taken care of, the better. How're you for flying?"
With a sigh, John stood away from the wall. "I don't- wait. Flying? Flying what?"
"Brooms, Mr. Constantine," said a visibly amused Dumbledore. "Surely your world's heard of witches and wizards riding broomsticks?"
John stared. "You're joking, right?"
For answer, Tonks held up a - yes. Yes, it was a broom, a common-as-dirt, wood-handled, straw-bristled broom. When she let go it hovered silently in the air next to her, like some bizarre kind of dog.
"Bloody hell. You're not joking."
Tonks laughed. "Never had a broomstick ride, eh? All right, I'll steer." She patted the stick fondly.
"Do be careful with him, Tonks. He doesn't need a visit to St. Mungo's."
"I'm not that bad!" Tonks protested, a statement which did nothing whatsoever to ease the sudden knot in John's stomach.
Dumbledore shook his head, smiling slightly. "Good luck with your trip, Mr. Constantine." Before John could say anything else, the light of Dumbledore's wand went out, and he vanished into the mist.
"Oh, for- Lumos, lumos," muttered Tonks. The same pearly light as before flared from the end of her wand. "Sorry about that- honestly, I might be a little clumsy but I'm an excellent flyer. Ask anyone, they'll tell you."
"Er- thanks all the same, but-"
Tonks arched her eyebrows at John. "Don't tell me you're afraid? You won't last long at this school if you can't handle a little flying, Mr. Constantine."
"It's John, and I’m not afraid of flying, just-" He waved a hand at the hovering broomstick. "Never had to handle one of those things before."
"Well- all right. Look, I really am a good flyer. Come on, I'll show you. Only put that thing out first, I don't want you setting the bristles on fire."
Not much liking the image that sprang to mind, John complied. "Now what do I-"
Tonks took the broomstick in both hands and presented it to him. "Hold it at about this height," she said, "one hand here, the other here- yes, like that. Now just throw your leg over it, sit back and- oh, bugger!"
For John had thrown his right leg over the broomstick as told, only to find the thing resisting his weight with a surprising amount of force. That wouldn't have been a problem, except that he'd gone and pushed off the ground with his left foot in the process.
It really was an awfully responsive little broom. At least he'd shown the wit to wrap both arms around the thing and hang on for dear life as it rocketed off over the hut in the direction of the Forest. . .
"Sonorus," Tonks sighed, wand pointing at her throat. Then she cupped both hands around her mouth. "JOHN! JOHN, LEAN FORWARD!" She paused; was it her imagination, or were there rapid-fire crunching noises in the direction he'd gone? "NO- TRY NOT TO HIT ANY OF THE TREES!"
Well, all right, that put an end to the crunching, but- oh, there, nothing she knew of that lived in the Forest could swear like that. Tonks cocked her head thoughtfully. The stranger did seem to have a talent for cursing, if not flying. . . "ALL RIGHT!" she bellowed in the direction of the vulgarity. "COME ON, YOU'VE ABOUT GOT IT- NOW THIS WAY!"
A distant cry of "Sod off!" could just be heard.
Despite herself, Tonks let out a bark of laughter. "JUST A LITTLE FURTHER! COME ON-"
Behind her the hut door creaked open, golden firelight briefly spilling out into the morning. "Wha's all this then?" asked a still-sleepy Hagrid, rubbing his eyes with both fists.
"Taking the new fellow to London, Hagrid," Tonks said gaily, wincing as she realised the Sonorus Spell was still in effect. "Only he's just getting used to-"
WHAM.
"-flying." Tonks pointed her wand into the patch of sky from which the still-swearing, face-down Constantine had just fallen. "Accio Cleansweep."
The broom dipped out of the air in a graceful arc, smacking neatly into Tonks' outstretched hand. John didn't bother lifting his head from the turf to stick two fingers up in her direction.
A year. I'm going to be stuck here at least a bloody year. Oh, sure, Dumbledore says he'll send me back early if he figures out how. Pull the other one, it's got bells on. He's a headmaster, it's a school, if he finds the spell to send me home in January where's he going to find a teacher for the rest of the year? No, if I'm lucky I'll go home in June.
Don't like to think of what'll happen back in my England if I'm not lucky.
Mind you, we are talking sodding enormous public school here. Hagrid (who has agreed to put me up for a month) says students get lost in the library for weeks at a time. Independent research, anyone?
Which reminds me- Dumbledore said he'd knock me up in the morning so I could catch a ride to London. No wand shop in Hogsmeade & the bookshop's not worth mentioning.
Hagrid snored. Oh, how he snored.
The gamekeeper's hut was big enough for any normal snorer to entertain overnight guests without trouble, but this was Hagrid. Dead people could likely hear him snoring. The cushion John had wrapped around his head in a desperate attempt to block out the horrible sound from the other room had not helped in the slightest. In the end he'd huddled in the depths of the enormous chair, counting up to a hundred and down again in a vain effort at reaching proper sleep. How the man's huge black boarhound could sleep through the din, John had no idea.
A particularly grinding roar from the other room shattered what little rest John had managed to achieve. Muttering imprecations under his breath, John staggered out of the chair and peered out the window. Dawn, or a little after- it was too misty outside to tell. Not his idea of a civilized hour to be awake, but there was nothing for it, really. Not with that bloody noise. Actually, no; it occurred to John that there was something for it. He fumbled in the dark for his raincoat, patting down the pockets and sighing with relief at the familiar old bulges. Someone would've paid in blood if he'd lost his Silk Cuts.
He'd just got outside and found himself a nice quiet spot around one side of the hut to shelter in when the voices floated through the fog. Cupping both hands protectively around the first real smoke he'd had since before King's Cross, he listened warily.
". . . no luck yet." It was a woman's voice. "Not for lack of trying, mind you- but with everyone from here to London convinced there's dementors lurking in their back garden, and Fudge trying to make up for a solid year of denials-"
"Then there have been no new leads at all?" And that was Dumbledore.
"Well- Kingsley's gone to Aberdyfi, there's been reports around Cader Idris that he thinks sound like the real thing, but I haven't heard back from him yet. I haven't had time to check in with the rest of the Order."
John considered the words, then dismissed them. It was still too early to go doing stupid things like talking, so far as he was concerned.
"That is a pity," murmured Dumbledore. "I had hoped. . . well. No matter. Will you have time to check on Harry?"
"Oh, I think so." The unseen woman laughed brightly. "About time Mad-Eye got some relief anyway. I'll swing by after I get finished in London- there was an unlicensed Apparition-"
"Is the Ministry equating underage wizards with Death Eaters now?"
"No, no, it's just some poor bloke in Muggle clothes dropped out of the air in broad daylight and almost got killed. No one saw what happened to him after that. Someone thought it might've been You-Know-Who's idea of a joke- you know, setting Muggles to killing each other-"
"Ah. Well, happily that is not the case. Lumos." A pearly white glow lit up the fog to John's left. Moments later, Dumbledore stepped into John's little circle of shelter, the wand in his hand the source of the light. "Allow me to present your endangered 'Muggle'."
The pink-haired young woman who followed two steps behind Dumbledore peered at John skeptically. "Um- no offense, Albus, but-"
John's mouth twisted in something that might've once been a smile. "You'll have to excuse me looks," he said dryly. "Caught me at a bit of a bad time. Here, Dumbledore, you haven't got a spare sock on you, have you? Only one of mine's wrapped around a half-brick somewhere I can't place."
Dumbledore shook his head gravely. "Alas, I fear I've left all of mine back at the castle." He indicated the woman next to him. "Allow me to introduce you; John, this is Nymphadora Tonks-" She scowled furiously at the sound of the name, but said nothing. "and this, Tonks, is John Constantine."
'Tonks' blinked a moment, looking from John to Dumbledore and back again as if she expected one or the other to confess to some great joke.
"What've you been telling her about me?" John asked out of the side of his mouth, even as Tonks exclaimed, "This? This is your new professor?"
"Potentially. Potentially," Dumbledore soothed. "Mr. Constantine has agreed to give us a year-"
"-only because I haven't got a choice-" John muttered sotto voce.
"-in exchange for our best efforts at sending him home."
"Ah? Where's home for you, then?" Tonks stepped nearer, looking John over a little more closely. Her eyes lingered for a moment on the lit cigarette. "You don't look like you're from around here."
"'m not." John tapped off a few bits of ash. "Home's London just now, only I figure it's a London two or three worlds away at least. Got myself blown through to here in a duel of sorts, and now I can't figure how to get back."
Tonks gave a low whistle. "Must've been some duel."
"You could say that. . . say, have I seen you before?"
"I don't think so-" Dumbledore cleared his throat; Tonks grinned. "Sorry, sorry. Apparently I’m to take the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor to London today. I hear you're in need of a new wand?"
"Yeah, among other things. . ."
"Well, you can tell me all about it on the way." Tonks rubbed her hands together briskly. "Come on. The sooner I get you taken care of, the better. How're you for flying?"
With a sigh, John stood away from the wall. "I don't- wait. Flying? Flying what?"
"Brooms, Mr. Constantine," said a visibly amused Dumbledore. "Surely your world's heard of witches and wizards riding broomsticks?"
John stared. "You're joking, right?"
For answer, Tonks held up a - yes. Yes, it was a broom, a common-as-dirt, wood-handled, straw-bristled broom. When she let go it hovered silently in the air next to her, like some bizarre kind of dog.
"Bloody hell. You're not joking."
Tonks laughed. "Never had a broomstick ride, eh? All right, I'll steer." She patted the stick fondly.
"Do be careful with him, Tonks. He doesn't need a visit to St. Mungo's."
"I'm not that bad!" Tonks protested, a statement which did nothing whatsoever to ease the sudden knot in John's stomach.
Dumbledore shook his head, smiling slightly. "Good luck with your trip, Mr. Constantine." Before John could say anything else, the light of Dumbledore's wand went out, and he vanished into the mist.
"Oh, for- Lumos, lumos," muttered Tonks. The same pearly light as before flared from the end of her wand. "Sorry about that- honestly, I might be a little clumsy but I'm an excellent flyer. Ask anyone, they'll tell you."
"Er- thanks all the same, but-"
Tonks arched her eyebrows at John. "Don't tell me you're afraid? You won't last long at this school if you can't handle a little flying, Mr. Constantine."
"It's John, and I’m not afraid of flying, just-" He waved a hand at the hovering broomstick. "Never had to handle one of those things before."
"Well- all right. Look, I really am a good flyer. Come on, I'll show you. Only put that thing out first, I don't want you setting the bristles on fire."
Not much liking the image that sprang to mind, John complied. "Now what do I-"
Tonks took the broomstick in both hands and presented it to him. "Hold it at about this height," she said, "one hand here, the other here- yes, like that. Now just throw your leg over it, sit back and- oh, bugger!"
For John had thrown his right leg over the broomstick as told, only to find the thing resisting his weight with a surprising amount of force. That wouldn't have been a problem, except that he'd gone and pushed off the ground with his left foot in the process.
It really was an awfully responsive little broom. At least he'd shown the wit to wrap both arms around the thing and hang on for dear life as it rocketed off over the hut in the direction of the Forest. . .
"Sonorus," Tonks sighed, wand pointing at her throat. Then she cupped both hands around her mouth. "JOHN! JOHN, LEAN FORWARD!" She paused; was it her imagination, or were there rapid-fire crunching noises in the direction he'd gone? "NO- TRY NOT TO HIT ANY OF THE TREES!"
Well, all right, that put an end to the crunching, but- oh, there, nothing she knew of that lived in the Forest could swear like that. Tonks cocked her head thoughtfully. The stranger did seem to have a talent for cursing, if not flying. . . "ALL RIGHT!" she bellowed in the direction of the vulgarity. "COME ON, YOU'VE ABOUT GOT IT- NOW THIS WAY!"
A distant cry of "Sod off!" could just be heard.
Despite herself, Tonks let out a bark of laughter. "JUST A LITTLE FURTHER! COME ON-"
Behind her the hut door creaked open, golden firelight briefly spilling out into the morning. "Wha's all this then?" asked a still-sleepy Hagrid, rubbing his eyes with both fists.
"Taking the new fellow to London, Hagrid," Tonks said gaily, wincing as she realised the Sonorus Spell was still in effect. "Only he's just getting used to-"
WHAM.
"-flying." Tonks pointed her wand into the patch of sky from which the still-swearing, face-down Constantine had just fallen. "Accio Cleansweep."
The broom dipped out of the air in a graceful arc, smacking neatly into Tonks' outstretched hand. John didn't bother lifting his head from the turf to stick two fingers up in her direction.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-02-10 12:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-10 12:56 pm (UTC)*can't talk, laughing too hard*
Heee....I really liked the introduction to Tonks. It's so difficult to meld two such completely different worlds, but you're still doing brilliantly!
no subject
Date: 2004-02-10 03:02 pm (UTC)Yes, I am a junkie.
no subject
Date: 2004-02-11 11:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-11 11:40 am (UTC)Incidentally, public schools in England close around mid-July. The kids have about six weeks of vacation, then back to school in early September.
Re:
Date: 2004-02-11 11:51 am (UTC)June
* first week - final exams; N.E.W.T.s and O.W.L.s begin
* second week - N.E.W.T.s and O.W.L.s conclude
* third week - end of summer term
o Leaving Feast - awarding of points and House Cup
o Hogwarts Express travels back to London
September
* 1 - Hogwarts Express travels from King's Cross, London to Hogsmeade Station
o start of the school year at Hogwarts
o evening: Welcoming Feast, the Sorting
Yeeehheeeeheeee!!!
Date: 2004-02-11 11:05 pm (UTC)Ahhh yes. That was perfect.
"No don't try to hit any of the trees!" *cackles madly*
"The stranger seemed to have a talent for cursing if not flying."
*pats John* ahh yes that's our boy.
In slightly depressing news Keanu Reeves is playing John in the up coming movie based on the Hellblazer comic books. -_- Keanu Reeves cannot do John Constantine.
Re: Yeeehheeeeheeee!!!
Date: 2004-02-11 11:28 pm (UTC)Too right he can't. He's doing an American character. The Keanu Reeves Constantine is an American magus with lung cancer and the same name as our hero. I have already performed the Dance of Fandom Rationalization on this one and so far as I am concerned they are two entirely separate characters who just happen to share a name and quite a lot of points of similarity. La la la la la, fetch me my d20, I am now rolling to disbelieve...
Re: Yeeehheeeeheeee!!!
Date: 2004-02-12 10:52 am (UTC)*Scrounges around for own D20 for disbelief check*
Comeon 20...
They're using the Dangerous Habits storyline.
Date: 2004-02-12 11:15 am (UTC)April 21, 2003: Producer Lauren Schuler Donner says "We start filming September 15, we'll be out next summer. We're going to make it here in LA. We're saying is that he's American and this story does take place in LA, but we do intimate that he works in many different cities. He's had many different adventures--in India, in London. He's a worldly character, basically". Hellblazer's 'Dangerous Habits' mini-series by Garth Ennis is forming a lot of the script.
no subject
Date: 2004-02-17 07:30 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2004-02-17 08:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-13 05:30 pm (UTC)Please check out the sites about...
no subject
Date: 2005-02-21 11:57 pm (UTC)