Hellblazer: Hogwarts, part 3
Jan. 31st, 2004 12:55 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
camwynDefinitely in entirely different universe. Bugger.
Big hairy fellow's name is Rubeus Hagrid. Says he's Keeper of Keys and Grounds at a place called Hogwarts. Gave me very strange look when I said 'where's that?', asked if I was sure I was a wizard. Thought of demonstrating, but nerves still too curdled even to try. Told him I sodding well knew he was part giant just by looking, didn't I? King's Cross no place to explain things anyway. Hagrid agreed, said 'Leaky Cauldron' would be better choice.
Leaky Cauldron bit of a walk from King's Cross. Turned out to be v. small, grubby pub between WH Smiths & Tooting Records. Hagrid spent last bit of walk trying not to look like he was watching me. Turns out 'muggles' (local term for people w/o magic) don't even know it's there. As I walked up to the door and asked 'are you coming in or not', Hagrid much relieved.
Wizards smoke if the smell here is anything to go by.
Hagrid bought drinks. Said they don't take muggle money here & showed me a few coins. Apparently magic common enough to have separate bank issuing money for use in related transactions. Spent next half-hour explaining where I came from, how I got here, nature of magic at home, etc. Summonings & rituals don't work at all, not for anyone. At least, as far as Hagrid knows. Magic here involves waving wands- actual wands- & shouting in ridiculous Latin. In fact, vocabulary of magic-users overall sounds like it was made up by nine-year-olds. Probably the same kids who came up with this 'butterbeer' stuff-
Kids, right. 'Hogwarts' = entire public school full of kids too young to drive or drink being taught magic as if it were safe as maths. Headmaster is one Albus Dumbledore- Hagrid calls him greatest wizard alive, says he can figure out how to get me home. Slight problem: will either have to visit this school, or stay here and send message to Dumbledore via owl. As in bird.
Owl. I ask you.
Any road. Still got no money, no magic, no friends, but Hagrid can get me to Hogwarts to talk to this Dumbledore once he's finished his errands in London. Looks like I'm in for a train ride.
John glanced out the window at the countryside rolling by. It looked green and blurry with the occasional blodge of brown- in other words, exactly the same as any other bit of English countryside he'd ever seen from a train. That was something, at least.
He turned back to Hagrid. "So let me see if I've got this straight," he staid, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. "You've got enough people here with the capacity for magic that you've got an entire government just for them."
Hagrid nodded.
"And you've had a formal system of magic for at least a thousand years, since that's how long the school's been in existence."
"Well- there was magic an' wizardin' folk long before Hogwarts-"
"I know that. What I'm trying to get clear on is: in all that time, with all those people doing magic left, right, and center, no one has had any kind of contact with the powers of either Heaven or Hell?"
"Not that I know of," said Hagrid, "bu' I didn' do so well in History o' Magic."
"Even so, you wouldn't've forgotten something like that. Once that lot starts interfering in human affairs, there's no getting them out."
Hagrid considered this, then shook his head. "Nope. Don' remember ever hearin' of it. That kind o' talk's fer Muggles, not the likes of us."
John eyed the gamekeeper for a moment. "By 'the likes of us' you mean-"
"Wizardin' folk. Wha'd you think?"
"Well, it's not as if you see the people of Faerie talking about- here, what's so funny?"
For Hagrid had burst into a deep, riotous laugh that all but filled their compartment on its own. One great hand wiped at the tears that started to stream from his eyes. "Faerie. Did yeh really- yeh don't- gallopin' gargoyles!" He gasped for breath, visibly fighting down the laughter. "Why, y' might as well ask if I was part elf!"
John quirked an eyebrow. "Where I come from they're more of the same," he said mildly. Under other circumstances he might've been irritated, but he sensed that the giant meant no offense by his laughter.
With a visible effort, Hagrid pulled himself together. "Fairies," he explained, "don' get much bigger'n me hand." That's one bloody big fairy, John thought. "Look like people, really, 'cept fer the wings. They're 'armless, mostly- we bring 'em in for Christmas, they glow an' they'll sit pretty fer hours if y'ask nice-"
"Fairy lights," murmured John, thinking of the strings of bulbs that erupted on every house for miles at the dark time of year. Hagrid nodded.
"Yep, that's them. An' elves, well, they're house-servants mostly- yer old, old pureblood families, they have 'em sometimes."
"Pureblood? What, full human?"
"Nah- pure wizard blood. No Muggle kin anywhere." Hagrid's expression grew sour. "Bin causin' a lot o' trouble lately. . . anyways, elves're mebbe so tall-" He indicated a creature not much higher than John's midriff. "- an' no harm to no one, less'n they're mistreated or their master tells 'em ter do summat nasty."
"Master." John shook his head, thinking of Tim's troubles with Faerie. "Do they fix shoes, steal babies, that kind of thing?"
Hagrid's face grew thoughtful. "Well- babies, I dunno, bu' they'll fix shoes if their master asks 'em."
"Where I come from, things are… rather different." Titania would explode at the idea, John silently added. He glanced out the window again. "Sounds to me like you've got it easy, by comparison. No sign of Hell, nor Heaven, nor Faerie. . ."
"I dunno, John. There's plenty o' problems here, y' just ain't seen 'em yet."
"Oh?" He tore his gaze away from the window. "Such as?"
"Well. . . " Hagrid fidgeted. "There's a war on. . ."
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no subject
Date: 2004-01-31 04:48 am (UTC)...love it! :D
Re:
Date: 2004-01-31 06:39 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2004-01-31 10:04 am (UTC)Why do I suspect that John is going to be less than impressed by Voldemort?
"So let me get this straight. There's this virtually omnipotent wizard who was killed by a baby. He was disembodied for roughly thirteen years after that. Regained his body, finally. And, after two years of being at large--again--he has managed to cause exactly one mess in a government building...which some people would say was redundant.
"Hasn't conquered a single village, much less the entire country. Has no supernatural, financial or military backing. And he's been trying to take over since the 1970s, with no luck.
"And you're all frightened of this guy? WHY?"
Re:
Date: 2004-01-31 01:01 pm (UTC)"Him? He's the big bad? He's a fu-"
"There are children present, Professor Constantine."
"uuu...really big git."
Re:
Date: 2004-02-01 04:12 am (UTC)I can definitely see Constantine being unimpressed. :D
And yeah, I think the "info-dump" has been well handled so far in any case - it's been an interesting one, and exchange of information rather than dumping everything on the reader with the plot driving by in its Ford Exposition.
Re:
Date: 2004-02-01 12:04 pm (UTC)I just had this mental image of John driving through his London in a car with a bumper sticker that reads: "MAGIC IS NOT FOR WIMPS."
infodump
Date: 2004-01-31 03:55 pm (UTC)Re: infodump
Date: 2004-01-31 04:37 pm (UTC)Meanwhile, I'm just loving the dialogue.
Bweeheehee.
no subject
Date: 2004-02-01 02:38 am (UTC)That's it. I am SO friending you. *friends*
::Applause::
Date: 2004-02-01 07:44 pm (UTC)I do have to wonder what will happen when JC meets Snape. While I think they'd likely have some interesting conversations about their respective lines of work, from what I can see they're both too sarcastic, independent and bitter to let that happen. :-)
Brilliant!