Hellblazer: Hogwarts, part 2

[camwyn]

Constantine covered his face with one hand. Christ, was there NOWHERE in this joke of a London where a man could smoke in peace? Every bloody time he tried to light up he got looked at like he was some kind of paedo. Did they not smoke here, or something? He hadn't seen so much as a single fag-end in the street. . . they sold the things, he knew that, he'd spotted an advert on the side of a bus, but that was about it. Right, he thought with a shake of the head, I've been magically transported to another dimension's London, and it's one where the NHS won.

It might have been funny, if it hadn't been such a monumental pain in the bum. This alternate London, that is. He didn't like it much, and it looked as if the feeling was mutual. When the cash machine rejected his card, he'd dropped a small spell on it- nothing fancy, just a little persuasion. It ended in a chewed-up card spewed all over the pavement. And a monumental new headache, and a curdled feeling all along his nerves saying clear as day that he shouldn't try magic again any time soon.

That worried him. Yeah, he'd taken a full-on blast from Tim's doppelganger, but it shouldn't have affected him like that.. No magic and no money, what could be better? Oh, right, the part where he didn't actually exist here. . . dammit. All he wanted was a drink and a smoke, and the drink could wait.

It took a moment to realise his feet had chosen a course of their own; he was standing at the entrance to King's Cross. Well, he figured, why not? The station was as good a place as any if he wanted not to be noticed. It'd give him time to think. And if this London were anything like his own, they'd be so crowded that no-one would have time to do more than glare in passing should he light up. He made his way in, past the Left Luggage and through the increasingly thick crowd. Train must've just arrived, then; one more bit of camo where he needed it. Annoying camo, but still. The more there were of them, the less anyone would bother to notice him. Now if they'd just get their bloody elbows out of his ribs! "Gerroff," he muttered to the woman who'd just trod on his toes. She snapped back at him, but he didn't hear. He'd caught sight of something. . .

The ash tray. The sodding wonderful ash tray.

It stuck awkwardly out of the side of the divider between platforms nine and ten, looking as if someone had jammed it on as an afterthought. John didn't care. It existed, didn't it? Where there was an ash tray, you were expected to smoke, weren't you?

He stepped out of the way of a young woman with bright pink hair, into the shadow of the divider. Right now he didn't care what kinds of looks he got as he lit up. He closed his eyes, inhaled, leaned back against the barrier-

And fell through.

"Bloody hell!" Caught completely off his guard, John flung his arms out, grabbing for anything that could break his fall- there! It took him a second to realise he'd latched on to someone's arm. "Didn't see y- oh. . ."

For the arm in question belonged to a great bearded man nigh onto twice John's own height. Moleskin overcoat aside, he looked like something that might've wandered out of Faerie. Certainly no pure human could be that big without magical interference. Letting go immediately, John gingerly tried to right himself. "Sorry about that," he said, wincing.

"Nah, 's all right," said the huge fellow, with what was probably supposed to be a disarming grin. "Shouldn't've been standin' there anyway, I was blockin' the entrance- here, are yeh all right?"

John wasn't listening. The abbreviated fall hadn't done his head any favours. Skull bones he didn't know he had were throbbing at him angrily. "Teach me to bring a brick to a magic fight," he muttered.

The monstrous man tsk'ed, clapping a hand the size of a dinner plate on John's shoulder and setting his knees to swaying. "Well, that was right stupid of yeh! What'd yeh go and do that fer? Nah, never mind- c'mon." Before John could offer more than a token feeble protest, he was being steered towards the divider again. "It's safe if yeh sit over here- g'wan, sit-"

"Thank you," John said faintly, and let himself slump against the brick. After a few moments his vision quit swimming, and the hammering in his skull died away a little. Carefully, he reached up to run a hand over the worst points of pain.

"Y'don't look like yeh broke anythin', if that's what yer after," said the stranger's voice. "Think y' could stand?"

"Not just yet." John took a few deep breaths, staring fixedly at the concrete between his feet. He could feel the enormous stranger looking down at him, and didn't much care. Pain tended to concentrate the attention marvelously. "Give me a minute."

"A'right. . . say, are yeh sure you're supposed t' be here? Pardon my askin', bu'. . . "

John shook his head and instantly regretted it. "I'm not," he said when the pain receded. "Supposed to be here, I mean. I'm afraid I'm lost-" He took another long breath. "You're some kind of giant, aren't you? Not medically- I mean by ancestry?"

The big man took half a step back. "Here, how'd yeh-"

With a sigh, John leaned his head against the divider. "I'm not blind," he said wearily, "just lost. I'm a wizard of sorts. My name's John Constantine."

There was a long silence. Then the man nodded. "Rubeus Hagrid."

John's lips curled into a faint smile; he looked up at the other man. "Pleased to meet you, Hagrid," he said. "Now, if you don't mind, my arse is going numb. Got somewhere else we can talk?"

Comments

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

John likes to smoke almost as much as my mother did. And oh yes, he'd notice the ashtray, even if no one else did.

I wonder if the curdled feeling on John's nerves will go away when he starts using a wand, like a wizard in the Potterverse is supposed to do?

I'm amused that he got in the way of Tonks before ending up on Platform Nine and Three-Quarters.

And I love that John spots Hagrid as part-giant immediately. Of course, the fact that John doesn't care (when most of the wizarding world does) would make John more than all right in Hagrid's book. And John wouldn't have the faintest idea of why Hagrid considered him to be decent. I foresee a rather bewildered friendship ahead for those two...

[camwyn]

And oh yes, he'd notice the ashtray, even if no one else did.

A post in either customers_suck or dot_cattiness, I forget which, indicated that there actually are large stretches of King's Cross Station where smoking is prohibited. The woman posting said she used to work at the station, and at one point told a man to put out his cigarette. When he belligerently asked why she pointed to the sign next to her- the one saying 'in memory of the 31 people who died in the King's Cross station fire of 1987'. He extinguished his cig right quick. I don't know how much of the real world's King's Cross forbids smoking, but I figured a few moments' license wouldn't be taken all thatbadly by people who'd actually been there.

I'm amused that he got in the way of Tonks before ending up on Platform Nine and Three-Quarters.

Hey, Harry met several other wizards and one Squib long before he ever knew what he was. I figured one brush with Tonks, even in passing, couldn't hurt. If JKR can foreshadow events two and three books ahead, I like to think a little bit of anticipation won't be a problem.

I foresee a rather bewildered friendship ahead for those two...

As far as John is concerned, Hagrid comes off as big, hairy, enthusiastic, and perhaps a little foolishly enraptured of his beloved critters. There are many, many worse things to be, in his eyes. The giant thing? Pssh. I'm not even sure it'd register after he learned about how Potterverse giants generally are. Well, no, it would register, but in an entirely different reaction. Namely: "Good God, man, how the HELL did your father manage to pull it off? I mean, from an anatomical standpoint alone?... never mind, I don't want to know."

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

"Good God, man, how the HELL did your father manage to pull it off? I mean, from an anatomical standpoint alone?... never mind, I don't want to know."

Okay, you are making me laugh myself sick.

Not to mention, now I'M wondering the same thing. Normal full-blooded giants in the Potterverse are twenty feet high or so, and Fridwulfa was a full-blooded giant, and Hagrid was born around 1929, way before artificial insemination or in vitro fertilization, so...

Damn. How DID Hagrid's father manage it?

[camwyn]

I'm really, really, really, REALLY going to hope that the Engorgement Charm was applied to his entire body, and leave it at that, because the alternative is EEEEEEEW SQUICK SQUICK SQUICK and anyway Hagrid's dad just wouldn't have the blood supply for the alternative. That, or Fridwulfa was bespelled to shrink, but giants are resistant to that sort of thing, aren't they?

Re:

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

Very resistant to magic, are giants.

re: King's Cross Station fire

[hohaiyee.livejournal.com]

See, that's why I always put out my match and cigarette before I put them away.

I really miss the frequent presence of ash trays. I don't smoke much, but when I do, it's really a big bother that most times there aren't any. There used to be metal ashtrays on top of trashcans, but now it's just plastic bins, cause they wishfully thinks nobody smokes anymore? Cause they think that would discourage smoking when it just leads to butts littering the grass or risk people putting a live fire in the can?

It looks so Ungraceful, but I usually look for a puddle to smother my cig in, or pour my bottled water on it.

[daeuiel.livejournal.com]

Just found this fic, and I'm getting rather excited, it's off to a good start. I dropped by your website and read your guide to crossovers, which was quite informative and also the pass for a canadian thing which was very funny (and informative too, but I laughed a lot!).

[camwyn]

Thanks. It's still in the works- I took about a year off from it but should have a new chapter sometime soon. Glad you like it!

[daeuiel.livejournal.com]

New chapter soon? Sweet! :D