Taken from a comment on a prior post

[camwyn]

Another crossover idea that I seriously doubt will ever happen, but what the hell, could be funny. I will have to do research if anyone actually takes this idea seriously, though, as I am insufficiently well-versed in one of the two fandoms involved.

Hellblazer: Hogwarts
John Constantine's Notes from the Field

Day One:

Bugger if I know where I am. Looks like London, smells like London, but it feels wrong. I can't put my finger on it, but this isn't the London I know.

Day Two:

Definitely not the London I know. Too clean. Too shiny. Doesn't grit on my nerves. Also, nobody seems to smoke.

Come to think of it maybe it does grit on my nerves.

Day Three:

Tried to lean against a divider in King's Cross station while lighting a fag. Fell through. Surrounded by children all trying to get out, one bloody huge fellow with a hair problem who smelt vaguely of sulfur. Pretty rich having someone like that put out your cigarette for you but he caught me off guard. Seems I found private area of some kind but no-one seems to think it very strange.

Huge fellow named Rubeus Hagrid. Says he'll explain matters shortly.

Day Three, Later:

Apparently found my way into entirely different universe. Bugger.

Cons of this place:
- Magic involves waving wand, shouting in ridiculous Latin
- Vocabulary of magic-users overall sounds like it was made up by nine-year-olds
- Entire public school full of kids too young to drive or drink being taught magic as if it were safe as maths
- Britain infected by supernatural beasts that escaped from cartoonist's brain if Hagrid's description anything to go by
- Psychotic would-be magical racist dictator attempting to regain power after 14+ year absence
- No record of my existence in any government file or telephone directory

Pros:
- No faeries
- No demons
- No Hell
- No legendary powers rising out of myth to overwhelm modern world
- Wands v. easy to use
- School in question apparently in need of instructor this autumn to teach kids how NOT to get eaten by forces of darkness
- No record of my existence in any government file or telephone directory
- Did I mention no demons?

May have to stick around for a bit. Not like I have a choice. This Dumbledore person Hagrid mentioned should have some clue how to get back home. May apply for that instructor post in the meantime as money from home not as much use here as one would have thought.

Comments

[juliansinger.livejournal.com]

Uh.

*shakes brain out*

Yeah!

[mephron]

I have this mental image of Constantine, facing Voldemort, and saying, "Bloody hell. I've dealt with more scary tossers just by being hung over. He's the big nasty? He's a git."

[camwyn]

Now I am reminded of quintus' suggestion. There is something lovely about the idea of Voldemort starting one of his gloaty rants over Constantine and/or Harry, possibly including the phrase 'Accio wand!' at an opportune moment, only to have the whole effect ruined by John carving him a new smile with a broken butterbeer bottle. "Jesus, finally something the damn stuff is good for... Finish him off, Harry."

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

Oh, that's so John. He would use whatever worked. The man is amazingly practical.

[sdelmonte]

Thing is, of course, that where John Constantine goes, trouble follows. Odds are something that makes Voldemort look like Strawberry Shortcake will arrive within weeks. Also, the lack of quality smokes, beers and women will drive him mad.

[camwyn]

Day Sixteen:

Finally feeling something close to normal again. Overheard someone mention a place in all-wizard village called The Hog's Head. Don't care much for the look of the clientele but they know what a beer is, not to mention they sell proper whiskey...

Down to my last fag. This is not good.

---

I just remembered that there is a mention of tobacco smoking in the Potterverse- at least, I assume it's tobacco. Dudley is cited as wandering the streets with his gang, smoking and committing vandalism, in the first few pages of OotP. Dudders doesn't seem the marijuana type so I can only assume it's tobacco, but still- between the movies and the books, Potterverse London has so few smokers that I can only assume John would not see any at all until he started actively looking for a place to buy a new pack.

[spiderine.livejournal.com]

Also, of course, Mundungus Fletcher smokes tobacco. At least I think it's tobacco...

[camwyn]

I checked. It gives off green smoke and smells like old socks, whatever it is. On the other hand, I did see someone else (I forget who) being mentioned as taking out a pipe, although I don't think I saw her lighting it.

[spiderine.livejournal.com]

This is funny as hell. I have been a fan of John Constantine's since his first appearance in "Swamp Thing" (yes, I am old, old, old). I stumbled on this post of yours as I was cruising through wikdsushi's friends list. The only thing I would say, as an acquaintance of John's, is that I don't think he would list "No record of my existence in any government file or telephone directory" as a CON, unless it appeared under the PRO list as well! ;)

This must be written! It made me snort coffee!

[camwyn]

You know, for the past two hours or so I've been able to hear a Hellblazer trade paperback calling to me from the nearest Borders bookshop, three miles away. *sigh* So much for a nice peaceful lunch. It's research time.

Those of you who're bigger fans than I: where do you suggest I start?

[spiderine.livejournal.com]

Since I'm a grumpy purist, I say start with "Swamp Thing" #37, which was his first appearance, looking suspiciously like Sting. LOL!

For the complete and total history, mystery and lore of Constantine, hie thee immediately to two web sites:

http://www.insanerantings.com/hell/index1.html

and

http://www.qusoor.com/hellblazer/introduction.htm

which will pique your interest and give you a few starting points.

[camwyn]

I'll give 'em a look when I get home from work. Thanks!

[spiderine.livejournal.com]

Just, whatever you do, stay away from the movie. Warner Bros. is making a movie. Starring Keanu Reeves. They've made Constantine an American. And they're raping and pillaging the Constantine mythos every way from Sunday. Whenever I hear something new about this movie it's always so horrid that I cringe and want to axe-murder every single person in my immediate area. Please, please, stay away from the movie!!!!!

[camwyn]

I have heard about the movie. Oh, yes, I have heard about the movie. What little Hellblazer I've managed to get my hands on in the past was QUITE enough to convince me not to go anywhere NEAR the movie, thank you very much...

*spits* bunch of wankers.

[zou.livejournal.com]

Okay, this one's cute.

[perch-and-creep.livejournal.com]

I added you on the recommendation of talmanes. You seem pretty cool, you write fanfic and you've an interesting journal.

[camwyn]

The fanfic's a relatively recent thing; most of my writing is original material. Once in a while, though, it just all comes roaring up out of my brain and I can't make it stop.

But thank you, I'm honoured. Hope the journal lives up to your expectations.

[dormouse-in-tea.livejournal.com]

*giggles hysterically*

[arabel.livejournal.com]

*falls over dead from laughing*

I love the idea. That would be so funny - I have a huge fondness for Constantine, and him in the Potterverse...? *snerk*

Someone actually wrote a similarly amusing crossover ages ago - it's still up, surprisingly.

Sailor Hellblazer (http://www.thekeep.org/~rpm/vertigo/sailor-hellblazer/)

[camwyn]

I've seen that. I haven't actually read it, though. I don't have enough Sailor Moon background to appreciate it properly.

[trinityday.livejournal.com]

Write more. Write more now. Please?

[camwyn]

I've got a half-hour's car ride to visit my grandparents today, and another half hour back when it's done. As those stretches tend to pass through radio 'dead zones' where the signal changes over from New York stations to Philadelphia stations, I often find it easier to put on thematically appropriate CDs and think about characters. I shall be considering both John and Uncle Lucious today. We'll see who comes out.