(no subject)

Apparently Francesco Marciuliano's dad is the real-world equivalent of my version of Adrian Shephard. From the Sally Forth writer's vacation blog post at Medium Large:

"I’ve decided to use part of my vacation in Portugal to help curb my dad’s relentless cursing. (Mostly out of self-serving needs since now that I’m around him every day it’s driving me nuts.) The problem is my dad doesn’t just curse when he’s angry. He curses when he’s in need of a noun, adjective, adverb, punctuation, or pluperfect. The result is like newspeak if “1984” took place in Bensonhurst. Unfortunately, I hit my first obstacle when my dad insisted that “shit” is not a curse. Then I hit my second obstacle when he insisted that “fuck” is not a curse. I’m not quite certain what my dad thinks is a curse but perhaps one day when someone utters the word “emu” on a crowded train platform my dad will turn ghostly white, flutter a hand in front of his Adam’s apple and gasp, “Please! There are children present!”

(no subject)

Dear Hoboken University Medical Center:

This past March I made an appointment for my annual OB/GYN checkup with Dr. Osbert Fernandez at the Center for Family Health at 122 Clinton Street. I selected him because he was in-network for Cigna and because he got good reviews on most services that I checked. I contacted Cigna to verify that Dr. Osbert Fernandez was in network. I called Cigna while I was at his office to verify that the visit was covered. I paid my copay in March, and all was well.

Yesterday I got a bill for $400.

Apparently, Hoboken University Medical Center, you went out of network with Cigna back in November of 2011. Apparently, when the bill for my visit was submitted- in June- it was submitted from the Hoboken University Medical Center. Not from Dr. Osbert Fernandez. Cigna said 'out of network, not gonna pay it'. And now I am told by Patient Financial Services that there's little to no chance that the bill will be resubmitted under Dr. Fernandez's tax ID and so will not be covered by my insurance.

I appreciate the work you have done for me in the past, Hoboken University Medical Center; I went to your emergency room for kidney stones some years back and received excellent treatment. But this? This is really spectacularly awful behavior. I was not informed that my bill would be submitted under your name as a facility charge rather than under Dr. Fernandez's name. I was not told that the bill would not be submitted until three months after the fact. I was not told how impossible it would be to contact anyone at the Center for Family Health via phone or that most of your voice mail menus would dump me to "call this other number, goodbye" messages rather than giving me an operator or something else of that nature. Or that I would be on hold with your voice mail system for twenty minutes before giving up in frustration and finding a way to leave a message.

Your customer service is awful. Your billing practices are deceptive. Your telephone system is horrendous. I do not like you. I cannot recommend you. I can see why Cigna does not want to deal with you. When even a medical insurance company does not want to do business with you, you need to reevaluate your business practices.

I will be calling Dr. Fernandez's office later to take one more stab at getting someone to resubmit this bill as being from him rather than from you, but if that doesn't happen and I have to pay this charge, rest assured that no one will ever hear a good thing about you from me again unless your emergency room saves my life, and that I will go out of my way to use any other hospital in the region rather than you. Hoboken University Medical Center, you have deviated from the path of Win. Welcome to fail.