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Tried to watch Beowulf and Grendel yesterday with ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
daniidebrabant. I'd known for some time that the movie attempted to give Grendel a motivation in the form of JOO KEELED MY FATHAIR PRAYPAIR TO DIE. That's why I didn't go near it when it was in theatres. We rented it this time because it had Gerard Butler in, thinking the two would cancel each other out.
They did not.
Ickle!Grendel looked rather like an Oompa Loompa that someone had washed with too much bleach and left out in the sun. Fortunately he got better in a hurry, but not before there was a touching Jango-and-Boba moment in which ickle!Grendel hacked off Daddy's head with a sword that I think he pulled out of Daddy after Daddy fell off a cliff with a bunch of Stellan Skaarsgard's buddies' arrows in him. When Grendel grew up he looked rather like Ron Perlman in platform shoes and strategically arranged leather and mail. I could maybe have dealt with this, except that after the Danes built their beer-hall and Grendel slaughtered warriors inside, they gave him an apologist.
A witch. A redheaded witch. A redheadedAmericanCanadian-accented witch who was disgusted with the Danes and later with Beowulf for being killers and who said that they'd all get no more than they deserved.
A redheaded witch who wound up at the center of ( LJ cut to give you a greater chance of making your morning SAN rolls ) I have ever seen on screen.
And who had an amazing resemblance to- wait for it- Grendel's kid...
Yes. Yes, they gave Grendel a daddy and killed him so he'd have reason to attack the Danes, and then they gave Grendel a son by an attractive redheadedAmericanCanadian-sounding witch. It was like watching a Mary Sue badfic in action, except that they didn't give the attractive redheaded American-sounding witch enough screen time to make her a true story-hijacking Mary Sue.
But, but, but... Grendel the troll (they mostly called him 'the troll' until the witch gave his name) had a KID! and a MOTIVATION! And at one point he sang the Doom Song because he kept repeating Beowulf's more loudly spoken words back to him, so it was "DOOM DOOM DOOOM DOOM DOOM!" And then he sounded like Trogdor the Burninator! And it... it...
AAUUUUUUGH!
daniidebrabant. I'd known for some time that the movie attempted to give Grendel a motivation in the form of JOO KEELED MY FATHAIR PRAYPAIR TO DIE. That's why I didn't go near it when it was in theatres. We rented it this time because it had Gerard Butler in, thinking the two would cancel each other out.They did not.
Ickle!Grendel looked rather like an Oompa Loompa that someone had washed with too much bleach and left out in the sun. Fortunately he got better in a hurry, but not before there was a touching Jango-and-Boba moment in which ickle!Grendel hacked off Daddy's head with a sword that I think he pulled out of Daddy after Daddy fell off a cliff with a bunch of Stellan Skaarsgard's buddies' arrows in him. When Grendel grew up he looked rather like Ron Perlman in platform shoes and strategically arranged leather and mail. I could maybe have dealt with this, except that after the Danes built their beer-hall and Grendel slaughtered warriors inside, they gave him an apologist.
A witch. A redheaded witch. A redheaded
A redheaded witch who wound up at the center of ( LJ cut to give you a greater chance of making your morning SAN rolls ) I have ever seen on screen.
And who had an amazing resemblance to- wait for it- Grendel's kid...
Yes. Yes, they gave Grendel a daddy and killed him so he'd have reason to attack the Danes, and then they gave Grendel a son by an attractive redheaded
But, but, but... Grendel the troll (they mostly called him 'the troll' until the witch gave his name) had a KID! and a MOTIVATION! And at one point he sang the Doom Song because he kept repeating Beowulf's more loudly spoken words back to him, so it was "DOOM DOOM DOOOM DOOM DOOM!" And then he sounded like Trogdor the Burninator! And it... it...
AAUUUUUUGH!
