(no subject)

Am feeling a bit better. Party was a bit of a wash for me, as I didn't know most of the people there and my best friend there wasn't feeling well. Went home early, talked on the phone, got some inches of knitting done on Grandpa's scarf.

Mom's still mad. This is not a surprise. I expect it will fade; it usually does. I will simply bust my ass around the house the next few days. That, or hope that the tickle in my throat this morning was in fact SARS, which will then make everyone feel guilty about me having to get up in the first place and look, it's the Germ that Saved Christmas.

... yeah, I know. I'm sorry.

Anyway. Will work like hell the next few days. I am also going to be dropping samples of everything I write except for Wayne and Dennis on my parents, just to make bloody sure Mom knows 'whatever it is you do up in that room of yours' is not just time-wasting. Honey, I am working on a three-novel saga of space colonization and the organization of skilled workers in the face of high-handed governments of the future, along with the story of the Imperial Japanese Mounted Police and the history of a world where horses are something of a poor man's animal thanks to the successful domestication of Megaloceros giganteus. Not to mention successfully putting Zheng He the Eunuch Admiral on the Dragon Throne of an alternate China and letting Wong Feihung invent the airplane. Do NOT assume I am merely wasting my time online. I do waste a phenomenal amount of time, but I put the REST of it to goddamn good use. I just haven't produced anything I would consider worthy of publication yet, except the now-friendslocked material.

I'm going to bestow the first part of Diary of a Mountie on my parents tomorrow whether they have time to read it or not. After that I have to replace my printer cartridge and print up something to blitz them with every single day. I want them to understand that I AM serious about writing, in addition to career stuff and 'not being responsible' around the house. *snort*

I feel better just thinking about it.

Hee.

Quizilla quiz. What Kind of Evil Bitch Are You?

( Pleased to see 'irresponsible around the house' is not an available option. )

You know what I want for Christmas?

I want a switch for a runaway brain. Despite everything, my brain just keeps going over everything that happened yesterday, everything that got said, everything that didn't get said. It keeps coming up with things I want to say but wouldn't, things I want to say but can't, things I want to say in the way that a pet with its paw caught in the couch wants to bite the first person to come along... and unless I stop whatever else I'm doing and concentrate on it, I can't make it stop.

I know that compulsive thinking about something that hurts is a bad thing, and I suspect that the compulsive elaboration on these thoughts is part of the same mechanism that enables me to come up with detailed writing, characters, plots, etc.- my brain gets hold of something and plays with it. It just... doesn't know when not to, and when something like this happens I latch onto my two asinine mistakes and onto my mother's response, and can't let go. And that pushes me into depression, which at this time of year is really not a good thing given that the axial tilt of the planet was already canting me in that direction.

I'm not looking forward to Christmas if I've got this kind of crap going on in my skull when I get there. All I want is a switch that lets me turn it off now and again, for a little while. Just long enough to get some relief. Or something written. Something decent, and distracting. And nothing to do with the thought that I had been so happy and having so much fun up until Sunday that of course this had to happen, that I sabotaged myself somehow... aaargh! Goddamned brain!

Fine, brain.

You wanna be a bitch about this? You wanna give me all this grief? You not planning on letting go of the stupid things I did yesterday, or all the stupid things I've ever done?

The way I figure it, that's either harassment, assault, or disturbing the peace. And I've got at LEAST three policemen (four if you count Neville Longbottom as head of Dumbledore's Army) living in my skull right now. One of them has an unbroken record of running even the most persistently clever to ground, one of them is as fascinated as you are by things unrelated to my stupidity, and one of them is the most cynically practical of the bunch, and excellent at 'not gonna think about that right now' to boot.

I'm calling the law on you. ph34r 7h31r m4d c4n4d14n l4w 3nf0r(3m3m7 sk1llz.

EDIT: Oh, and don't forget the entire force of highly persistent and highly polite Japanese law enforcement officers who owe me their very existence. If I call on THEM to help shut you up, you haven't got a prayer.

Nov. Bargain, Part the Fifth, Subpart C.

Also known as part three of "Grandfather's Legacy", or part three of "Sergeant Preston versus the Creepy Thing." Part two may be found here, for those of you who don't remember where we left off.

( When last we saw our hero, he'd tried to jump into a picture of the Yukon and landed on green, grassy ground instead. )

Because it's been a while since y'all were reminded,

here's a little somethin' to clarify this whole Orange Alert crap. Presenting:

The Table O' Terror, explained!

Green - Low Risk
At this level the appropriate security response is to discuss baseball scores and make rude armpit noises, because frankly, you're probably in more danger from deranged CPA's who've prepared one tax return too many than from terrorists. Not that we've been anywhere near this level since 11 September 2001, but hey.

Blue - Guarded / General Risk
This is supposed to be baseline, or something. I dunno. At this level it is appropriate to look worried every so often, slap small patriotic stickers on your car bumper, and wave to the soldiers in Penn Station. Emergency responders such as ambulance squads, law enforcement, and fire departments should work on their standard drills - plane crashes, large-scale fires, etc. - rather than anything particularly WMD (Weapons of Mass Destruction)-related.

Yellow - Elevated Risk
This is pretty much where we've been since 11 September. Here it is appropriate to chew your fingernails and complain about the price of gas, but not too much. Other preparations include talking about what you would do in the event of a major terror attack somewhere, but not actually making any of the preparations, because this is the United States and nobody except Scouts, Mormons, the Coast Guard, and emergency response organizations is willing to acknowledge that Bad Things Might Happen even though they already have. Emergency responders should add WMD drills to their routines around here, but they are allowed to poke the designated 'victims' in these drills and ask, "Hey, you dead or what?"

Orange - High Risk
Here it is appropriate to watch the BBC News on cable instead of or in addition to CNN Headline News. According to Federal guidelines, Orange Alert means you should wet your pants with fear, but it is not a high enough risk to warrant soiling them as well. Civilians should buy good-sized first aid kits and feel guilty that they are not keeping more disaster supplies on hand, because let's face it, fires and floods don't pay attention to the Table O'Terror Risk and boy will they feel stupid if the Mississippi / Hudson / Columbia rises and they have to flee the house and have no supplies but the clothes on their backs. First responders should take the precaution of buying particulate respirators at Home Depot and becoming mildly to moderately sarcastic in their everyday senses of humor. On drills they are no longer permitted to poke the victims, but quoting disaster movies to each other is acceptable. Use care, though- "Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines!" is not permissible around pilots or Canadians.

Red - Severe Risk
Federal guidelines say you can change your pants now. Red Alert means that someone just erased the line between real life and Jerry Bruckheimer movies, and I am not talking about Kangaroo Jack, either. Here the appropriate response from the civilian population is to run to the store and buy all the bottled water in sight, because God knows, being surrounded by a thick layer of Poland Spring gallon jugs can hold off anything from flying shrapnel to a biplane full of anthrax. The appropriate response from emergency responders is to get extra sarcastic, then throw a change of clothes, several extra pairs of underwear/socks, and a pair of comfortable boots into their vehicles, because they're probably not going home any time soon.

(no subject)

I believe the worst of the situation with Mom has passed. She doesn't seem to be angry any more. This is the point where I keep quiet because I've already said enough, and with any luck all will be well on Christmas. If not, well... I'll deal. And hey, applying for jobs on the opposite side of the continent even before all of this began!

Meanwhile, knitting like fury for family gifts. Aunt is getting the qiviut scarf. Screw the gloves I started for her, I'll make them for a friend instead. Maternal grandma is getting the same pattern hat as I made in Alaska, only in muted red, white, and blue; this is already done. Paternal grandma gets slipers, which are already done. Paternal grandpa gets a seed stitch scarf made from Lion Brand homespun- I've got like ten inches to go but my needles are huge, I have no fear. I think I will donate money to a charity in my other grandfather's name, as he has late-stage Alzheimer's and I doubt anything I could make or buy him would do any real good. Gifts have already been bought and wrapped for parents and brother-in-law; sister's gift is bought but not yet wrapped. Friends I am seeing on Boxing Day have not had their gifts knit yet but that will happen soon enough. My friend in Virginia isn't coming up to his parents' until maybe the 29th, I think - he's Jewish, so he doesn't have to join in the vast Christmas herd. I haven't cast on for him yet. Gonna do a black chenille scarf with a Jolly Roger emblem on it, I found a colour chart for that. Still got to work on mountainspeak's DNA scarf, that's only about a third done; I expect I'll be knitting that while I'm gaming on Boxing Day.

All hail the power of compulsive twitchy energy!