camwyn | Things I wish I could say to my co-workers

Please don't call me by a nickname unless I have given you explicit permission to do so. Or unless the nickname is really cool. The nicknames my family and friends have given me are not for you to use casually.
Please don't walk silently when you are coming to my desk for help.
Please don't wait until you are just outside my door to announce your presence.
Don't - DON'T - touch me unless it's for a medical reason or a real emergency. This includes fire, flooding, auditors, kaiju, anything involving a DSHR recruitment, or a meeting with Board of Directors or higher-up Red Cross staff.
If you haven't even bloody well logged in yet, please do not tell me you can't connect to the Internet. I don't care if that was a problem on Friday - conditions might have changed since last time, so bloody well TRY to connect to the Internet before telling me about it.
Please, please, don't pester me within two minutes of my entering the Chapter unless it's for a real emergency. See above for definition. Exceptions will be made if you are the Chapter CEO but are unlikely for anyone else.
If the lights are off in this part of the building and there are people working here, leave the damn lights off. It means someone has a migraine or doesn't want to waste the electricity and it doesn't bother us, so if you're coming in and going out within five minutes, leave the goddamn lights off.
Please don't bother me on my lunch hour except for the abovementioned circumstances that constitute real emergency. CEO also has permission but that's it.
Make sure you've actually got YOUR name in the login ID blank before asking why your password doesn't work.
If you don't know how to spell a word, use a smegging dictionary instead of calling me to ask.
You're grownups. Quit calling it 'the potty'.
Flush. (Okay, that's probably not my co-workers, that's more likely to be our clients using the same commode.)
Please do not laugh about how much I must hate hearing from you and expect me to join in. I understand that laughter is a defense mechanism, but I am trying to be polite to you, and hearing you expect me to think your jokes about how little you know are funny does not help me be polite.
Do not grovel. Say what is wrong, or what you think is wrong, and let me do my work.
Please do not phone me up and say 'It's giving me a message' and then fail to read off the message accurately. In fact, I would prefer it if you would email me when machines are giving you trouble, but I will settle for an accurate reading of what it says on screen.
Please don't talk to me about politics.
Really don't talk religious stuff, particularly if we're on a disaster job. The Red Cross is a neutral organization and has been so since 1881. I get so uncomfortable with people who put the Christian radio station on real loud or offer to pray for everyone in sight that I'm almost tempted to learn Pali and start reciting Buddhist scriptures as a countermeasure, even though I'm technically a Catholic. But aside from that I don't want to get into religious arguments, so please don't try to discuss that with me at the workplace.

That's about it for now. Just trying to let this out before I turn into someone from the scary devil monastery.