Caveman Movie Reviews 2: Shanghai Knights
Jan. 25th, 2003 10:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
camwynOg here. Og like start day by read funny pictures in paper. Og paper put funny pictures in same part paper have ads for movies. When Og get paper this morning, Og get look at page have picture very familiar face on it - Jackie Chan. Og stop and look, see words, 'sneak preview'. Hmm, think Og, Og not have much planned this evening. So, Og go fandango.com, buy ticket, go East Hanover theater for 7:15 showing.
Okay. Og big Jackie Chan fan, you most likely know. Og first see Jackie Chan movie when Og far from home cave, in Cleveland. Og jaw go through floor (which hard to do with jaw like Og - cave dude jaw got many muscle, not move so easy). Og watch many Jackie Chan movie after that. When Og get DVD drive, first movie Og ever rent? Shanghai Noon. Og like that movie, think funny, so Og go see Shanghai Knights with much hope.
Og hope not repaid.
Many many moon ago, Og shaman do big ceremony, call big spirit and make amazing fire. Og like that. Og shaman try again moon later, but Og not like that so much. See, Og shaman try do bigger ceremony, call more spirit, put more foofy stuff in fire for look good. But Og shaman not do anything new. This movie like that. This movie take Jackie Chan, Owen Wilson, bring back together and put in new place where both men act like fish in grizzly paws - England. Now - ha, ha, look there, blond man not get custom right either! Ha, ha! Make many joke even Og see coming many miles off. Make too many reference things in modern day, just for make audience laugh. Also, Jackie Chan, Owen Wilson meet many people, not find out name until last minute - Inspector Artie (Conan Doyle), street urchin Charlie (Chaplin) - like watch bad episode "Young Indiana Jones". Bah.
Og also not happy romantic setup. No Lucy Liu for movie, so Jackie have no girl, not anywhere. Jackie character get younger sister. Owen Wilson fall for sister. Jackie? No. No girl. Jackie get kissed by horse before leave Carson City. That it. Og not even remember Jackie get kiss wife OR princess in Shanghai Noon. Og starting wonder whether Jackie EVER gonna get girl in America movie.
Og pretty sure Jackie horse is boy horse, even.
However, movie have something make Og willing watch. Basic idea movie is: royal seal get stolen from China, go to England. Is part of plot for put bad man on England throne, bad man on Dragon Throne. No need know more than this: bad man want Dragon Throne is DONNIE YEN. Donnie Yen kick ass. Donnie Yen in Western suit with short Western hair because visit England? Look like Donnie Yen ready bite head off first English person who make stupid comment. Donnie Yen in Chinese robes for Queen Victoria fireworks? Look like born in them. Donnie Yen get mad Jackie Chan show up, ruin plan for put Donnie Yen on Dragon Throne? Donnie KICK JACKIE ASS CLEAR TO MONGOLIA. That how good Donnie Yen. Most of movie feel like fifth or sixth day after tribe hunt mammoth - already eat mammoth five nights running! Have enough mammoth! Already know what to expect from mammoth! - but Donnie Yen on screen same time Jackie Chan? Movie come to life! Movie fantastic!
Unfortunately, Donnie Yen not on screen nearly enough make Og really happy with movie. Og think full price too much pay for this movie. Og suggest see as matinee - would suggest wait for come to video, but Og happy enough Donnie Yen that Og think matinee OK. Student price probably too much. Go on cheap matinee, or wait for video. No big rush. Movie not that good. Movie probably better than Kangaroo Jack or National Security, but that not hard.
Og say, save money. Wait for movie hit video. Meantime, rent other Jackie Movie. Police Story or something. Og think other Jackie Movie make you happier.
Okay. Og big Jackie Chan fan, you most likely know. Og first see Jackie Chan movie when Og far from home cave, in Cleveland. Og jaw go through floor (which hard to do with jaw like Og - cave dude jaw got many muscle, not move so easy). Og watch many Jackie Chan movie after that. When Og get DVD drive, first movie Og ever rent? Shanghai Noon. Og like that movie, think funny, so Og go see Shanghai Knights with much hope.
Og hope not repaid.
Many many moon ago, Og shaman do big ceremony, call big spirit and make amazing fire. Og like that. Og shaman try again moon later, but Og not like that so much. See, Og shaman try do bigger ceremony, call more spirit, put more foofy stuff in fire for look good. But Og shaman not do anything new. This movie like that. This movie take Jackie Chan, Owen Wilson, bring back together and put in new place where both men act like fish in grizzly paws - England. Now - ha, ha, look there, blond man not get custom right either! Ha, ha! Make many joke even Og see coming many miles off. Make too many reference things in modern day, just for make audience laugh. Also, Jackie Chan, Owen Wilson meet many people, not find out name until last minute - Inspector Artie (Conan Doyle), street urchin Charlie (Chaplin) - like watch bad episode "Young Indiana Jones". Bah.
Og also not happy romantic setup. No Lucy Liu for movie, so Jackie have no girl, not anywhere. Jackie character get younger sister. Owen Wilson fall for sister. Jackie? No. No girl. Jackie get kissed by horse before leave Carson City. That it. Og not even remember Jackie get kiss wife OR princess in Shanghai Noon. Og starting wonder whether Jackie EVER gonna get girl in America movie.
Og pretty sure Jackie horse is boy horse, even.
However, movie have something make Og willing watch. Basic idea movie is: royal seal get stolen from China, go to England. Is part of plot for put bad man on England throne, bad man on Dragon Throne. No need know more than this: bad man want Dragon Throne is DONNIE YEN. Donnie Yen kick ass. Donnie Yen in Western suit with short Western hair because visit England? Look like Donnie Yen ready bite head off first English person who make stupid comment. Donnie Yen in Chinese robes for Queen Victoria fireworks? Look like born in them. Donnie Yen get mad Jackie Chan show up, ruin plan for put Donnie Yen on Dragon Throne? Donnie KICK JACKIE ASS CLEAR TO MONGOLIA. That how good Donnie Yen. Most of movie feel like fifth or sixth day after tribe hunt mammoth - already eat mammoth five nights running! Have enough mammoth! Already know what to expect from mammoth! - but Donnie Yen on screen same time Jackie Chan? Movie come to life! Movie fantastic!
Unfortunately, Donnie Yen not on screen nearly enough make Og really happy with movie. Og think full price too much pay for this movie. Og suggest see as matinee - would suggest wait for come to video, but Og happy enough Donnie Yen that Og think matinee OK. Student price probably too much. Go on cheap matinee, or wait for video. No big rush. Movie not that good. Movie probably better than Kangaroo Jack or National Security, but that not hard.
Og say, save money. Wait for movie hit video. Meantime, rent other Jackie Movie. Police Story or something. Og think other Jackie Movie make you happier.
