(no subject)

[camwyn]

My jeet kune do class is about to go treyf.

No, seriously. Last night our instructor, a Hoboken city cop, introduced us to the prospect of biting in a grappling situation. There's apparently a Filipino fighting art that includes training in a variety of bites for getting alive. Most of the introduction was just talking over the hazards of doing that kind of thing, and what we'd have to be willing to accept (blood-borne infections later vs. dying right now, kind of thing) esp. in terms of the level of damage we'd have to inflict in order for it to be effective. He made a lot of comparisons to sharks, mostly to make sure we understood how hard we'd have to bite down or how dogged we'd have to be- personally I tend to think of the ratel when it comes to seriously dangerous biting animals, but not everyone's heard of the ratel. I could understand what he was talking about; I read about a woman in South Africa a few years ago who reported an attempted rape by walking into a police station and spitting out most of her attacker's tongue. (The attacker showed up a few minutes later, bleeding profusely.)

Anyway, all of that was fine, and then he said that they generally train in the actual biting by strapping pieces of ham to the bite zones. Winding up with a mouthful of whatever they put in body armor probably isn't very healthy, but... ham.

Like I said, my class will be going treyf. This, um, should be interesting.

Comments

[maps-or-guitars.livejournal.com]

Maybe ham isn't the right meat product to be using:

It was a theory of mine that former cannibals of Oceania now feasted on Spam because Spam came the nearest to approximating the porky taste of human flesh. ‘Long pig’ as they called a cooked human being in much of Melanesia. It was a fact that the people-eaters of the Pacific had all evolved, or perhaps degenerated, into Spam-eaters. And in the absence of Spam they settled for corned beef, which also had a corpsy flavor. -- Paul Theroux, "Happy Isles"

[sleightofhand]

Holy moly, your class is totally hardcore!

[camwyn]

Major problem with that for simulation of the bitey experience: texture. Spam is squishy and provides very little resistance when bitten into, regardless of the presence of people flavour or not. At least a decent piece of ham can put up some resistance.

I don't think we have any observant Jews or Muslims in the class, as I didn't see anyone talking to the instructor afterwards about alternatives.

[camwyn]

Yeah, the instructor also teaches the Filipino fighting arts of kali and escrima, which was really my tip-off that if all I wanted was sport or exercise I should stick to the Olympic style taekwondo classes. Escrima: the art of hitting people with sticks until they either run away, or are no longer capable of running away. Kali: the art of doing it with pointy things with edges.

Makes me wonder a bit what he teaches in the women's self defense classes that's different from jeet kune do.

[maps-or-guitars.livejournal.com]

Here's a fellow your class could consult with:
http://www.nola.com/news/index.ssf/2009/04/metairie_man_says_stranger_che.html

[mephron]

OK, if the Zombie Apocalypse comes, we shoot you in the head at the first sign you may be infected.

You realize that this bit of martial arts training puts you in the place of Having A Zombification-Enhancement Ability. They come after you with the oversized shovels, you can get out of the way, close in, and martial bite.

Too dangerous.

[camwyn]

There's a reason I live on the fourth floor of a building with no elevator and narrow stairs. I can Horatius-at-the-bridge with one of my bows for as long as necessary should the zombies arrive; they're not incapable of climbing stairs, but other than Infected, they're generally slower coming upstairs than humans, and they probably have issues with fire escapes (the only other form of access unless they come across rooftops and punch through the skylight in the hallway). This reduces the zombification-enhancement factor by lowering the risk of infection to begin with.

Of course this presumes that I can get to/stay in my apartment during a zombie apocalypse.

[e-mily.livejournal.com]

EEEEEHEEHEE.

I would pay good money to sit in one some of those classes.

[camwyn]

My introduction to escrima was through the Phule's Company books, where it was essentially described as 'the fighting art that allowed men with sticks to drive men with guns and armor back to their ships- ask Magellan how well that went for him'.

If you want a proper demo of it, there's some links at the entry for Chief Lapu-Lapu at badassoftheweek.com: http://www.badassoftheweek.com/lapulapu.html.

[sleightofhand]

I'm mostly curious about what kind of hobbies could hold the interest of a man who teaches people how to destroy each other for a living.

[camwyn]

Well, he is a police officer. So there's more than just the destroying going on. As far as hobbies go I couldn't say, I haven't asked yet. I do know that he's married and he's got two kids, though, I've met them all.

[sleightofhand]

Adorable. I'm putting money on crochet.

[camwyn]

I have a feeling he's probably into cooking, too. Probably makes an impressive paella.

[ebony14.livejournal.com]

The Guide does state that you should destroy your stairs after getting above ground level, to prevent the infected from following you up. I don't remember what you're supposed to do when the infected are already upstairs, but there you are.

I wonder what a rabbi would say about the thing with the ham.

Mmmm. Phule's Company.

[traveller-blues.livejournal.com]

...though honestly, he should have just stuck with the first two books.

-Traveller

[renshai.livejournal.com]

One of the things I miss most about living in Vancouver is the martial arts community. We'd just gotten to bladed weapons in Kali when I moved. :(

[ignescent.livejournal.com]

I started following you because your awesomeness at milliways, and continued because you are interesting. But my view of you has always been skewed by how well you write Ray - I always think of you as astoundingly mechanically gifted, etc. Now, I find out that you are a scary martial arts person too - if the zombies attack, I want to be on /your/ side.

[camwyn]

Heh. Tell you the truth, I'm not that mechanically gifted. I would have to have a For Dummies book in my hand to get anything done under the hood of a car beyond adding oil/water/transmission fluid. I do, however, have a small history with martial arts before this- a few years' worth of once-a-week lessons at the local YWCA, isshin kenpo style (a style invented 35 years ago in New Jersey; ancient traditions are all right, but one takes what one can get). I seem to have acquired a fair number of online friends who have similar sentiments about finding me should the zombies or other form of apocalypse rise, so I'm glad you approve!

[camwyn]

I'm a bit short on flamethrowers and shovels, and my longest bladed weapon is a Chinese cleaver. Neither do I own a firearm. The bow is only good while I still have them well at bay, primarily for attempting to pin a body part to the wall. If I am going to destroy zombies at close range I am simply going to have to go Gordon Freeman on their asses, really.

[akhira.livejournal.com]

I'm so jealous of you right now. Wish they had classes where they teach you fighting with bladed weapons and Escrima sticks in my city. The whole biting into ham thing might not go down as well here due to multiple religious fanatics. I would be extremely wary about looking you up during a zombie apocalypse though.