One small addition to the Way Things Will Be In My Empire:

[camwyn]

There will be a lot fewer 'graduations'.

Bob Parr had it right. The sheer number of 'graduation' ceremonies in the States is ridiculous. Graduation ceremonies, with robes and hats and things, ought to be reserved for the big milestones- by which I mean only if the next phase of your schooling is purely voluntary rather than required by law. High school? Yes. College? Yes. Graduate school? Yes.

Eighth grade? No, although you can have a commencement. No silly hats, though. You're going to a different school with more complicated subjects, but you still have to keep going, so you don't get the silly hats and clothes.

Kindergarten? No. Not that five-year-olds or whatever in hats and robes aren't cute, but c'mon. They're five. Or six. Or whatever. Some of them've only completed one year of schooling. Give them an end-of-year party. They'll probably be happier.

Grade school to middle school? Don't make the Emperor come down there and hit you.


The Emperor changed schools when she went from preschool to kindergarten, when she went into third grade, when she went into fifth grade, when she went into sixth grade, when she started high school, when she went into college, and several times in the course of post-graduate study. She got graduation ceremonies for kindergarten, eighth grade, high school, college, and grad school. This is not sour grapes. This is annoyance at people getting into the same froth about graduation for a bunch of kids who probably would be a lot happier running around screaming like monkeys and throwing Kool-Aid at each other than trying to march in formation to receive diplomas because now they are six.

Graduation should be a sign that you are getting out and making your own decisions, at least as far as you are able (parents get so touchy about kids saying they don't want to go to college that it's not always really the kid's decision). It's supposed to mean something, and be earned. So as long as I'm choosing the textbooks, I'm also lowering the boom on anybody who tries to hand out graduations left, right, and center.

Thank you.

Comments

[ouatic-7.livejournal.com]

I had 8th grade graduation (early '70s vintage). We did not wear caps and gowns. One boy wore white tails.

My daughter had kindergarten graduation. They wore these stupid bright yellow capelet thingies for gowns and caps that wouldn't stay on. It was incredibly painful. Her grandmother ate it up.

They had disposable gowns for MD's 8th grade graduation last year.

Pretty much in your vein, my husband say you should only get a graduation if you have finished. In other words, tails were appropriate for that boy if he wasn't going off to high school while kindergarten graduation in an affluent suburb is just stupid.

[monkeywithpaint.livejournal.com]

such a wise emperor you would be!

[camwyn]

I hope to someday be a common-sense emperor; I would be quite happy if I could install the phrase "Don't be Stupid" in the hallowed halls of the law, but I'm only too aware that people who need to keep that phrase in mind are the ones least likely to think it applies to them.

[kyrielle]

Or, for that matter, to comprehend exactly what counts as "being stupid," I fear.

[mephron]

You'll have to define the Imperial Measure of Stupid.

Then people will have something tangible to measure against.

[silly-dan.livejournal.com]

Back in '82, my brother had a playschool graduation ceremony. I was mad, because I never even went to playschool when I was 4, so I thought I was missing out.

Myself, I questioned the need for a junior high (grade 9) graduation, until some of my classmates reminded me that some of the other students might end up dropping out of high school, so this would be the only ceremony they got.

[pelogrande.livejournal.com]

What about when the kindergarteners make their caps out of paper plates? Come on, you have to make concessions when things are that cute.

[zed42.livejournal.com]

Amen.

[camwyn]

Once I come up with one, I'll definitely impose it. Until then, it's in the same category as the commandment I've already said I'm adding to all religions: Don't Be a Jerk. That one got added with the note that the Emperor gets to decide what constitutes being a jerk.

[camwyn]

... I'd never heard of them doing that. Wow.

[sarekofvulcan.livejournal.com]

Is preschool graduation ok? After all, that is a big change for them... http://flickr.com/photos/sarekofvulcan/17003305/

[spritelord.livejournal.com]

my head start (preschool) teacher explained to me that parents like to see all the art projects we've done and also like to take pictures while we're still cute and If I didn't want to march with everybody else, I could have extra homework RIGHT HERE AND NOW. Given that the homework was gonna be more damn art projects, I went with it.

I was an annoying kid.

[camwyn]

They can have a party, maybe even one with their parents at the school, but a four-year-old's probably going to appreciate a grab bag of candy way more than any kind of 'diploma' or what have you.

[sarekofvulcan.livejournal.com]

Pre-K is the 5-year-old class, actually. :-)

[slarti.livejournal.com]

Guh.

As it happens, as I was on my way towards the office I work in, one of my coworkers (who, presumably, either gets in way earlier than I do or had just been in to talk to her boss or something) was on her way out, and mentioned that she was going to be at her kid's Kindergarten Graduation. I, like you, made with the "it's not a freakin' graduation; the kid's just going to the next grade" grumbly noises in response. I basically got back "yeah, but whatever" noises back.

[ouatic-7.livejournal.com]

Speak for yourself. Spouse, child and myself all finished K as 5 year olds. It all depends on the cutoff date vs birthday.

[sarekofvulcan.livejournal.com]

Ah, yes. Silly me. Sorry.

[lpetrazickis.livejournal.com]

Quite honestly, I loathe graduations and commencements. They are waste of a perfectly good evening. If I wanted to relish some windbaggery, I'd read a crappy blog instead.

I guess I should force myself to stop going to the damn things.:)

[ouatic-7.livejournal.com]

I was forced to go to my HS graduation but successfully skipped my university graduation. As I recall, when I went to pick up my diploma, i had to dig through a cardboard box stuck under someone's desk.

On the other hand, my husband has a bachelor's from Cambridge. THis automatically entitles him to a Master's. At this point we're waiting for our kid to turn 15 so she can attend the (liquor served) fancy college dinner with us. She turns 15 in August, so maybe next year. I do kind of want to see him wear the hood and stuff. Plus, its Cambridge.

[dormouse-in-tea.livejournal.com]

DormouseInTea

[almeda.livejournal.com]

Have you read Tepper's Raising the Stones? A timetraveling, interdimensional gal-turned-prophetess tries to lay the foundations of a truly SENSIBLE religion, but is thwarted by years of dogmatizing. 'Thou Shalt Not Be Chauvinist Pigs' led to no-eating-pork, and 'Don't Let Anyone Mess With Your Heads' turned into 'never ever cut your hair ever and put medals in your braids for every infidel you kill.'

Good book for other reasons too.

[whobunkyboo.livejournal.com]

May I meta?

[camwyn]

Sure! Go right ahead.

[derien.livejournal.com]

Can I put in a special request for when you're Emperor? Can you also stop the Disneyfication of the National Forests? In the White Mountains (NH), for example, they keep trying to stuff more people in there every year so they can make more money on usage fees (since the Feds have cut their funding); among many other useless and stupid 'improvements' they are widening and straightening the roads and cutting the trees back on either side so that people can go good and fast through moose habitat. They seem to have completely forgotten that if they make it really convenient for as many people to come into the forest as possible, there won't be any forest left.