Hellblazer: Hogwarts, part 4a.
Feb. 4th, 2004 02:07 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
camwynThe second bit will be the edited version of Extraordinary Requirements.
Hagrid's war all down to one man, some git calling himself Lord Voldemort. Apparently he's some magic psychopathic racist dictator or something who held power 15+ yrs. ago. Reign of terror, people dying left & right, armies of sinister magic creatures, etc. etc., but got his arse served to him on a silver platter by a baby name of Harry Potter. Been trying to stage comeback ever since. Lord V wants to 'purify wizarding race', can't even stand wizards w/muggle ancestors, would be happier if muggles all died screaming. Sounds like every fascist wanker to come down the pike only w/magic. Tried telling Hagrid this. Did not help. Hagrid unwilling even to say Lord V's name. Talked about his allies, though. His Nibs has gang of wizards & witches hanging on his every word- "Death Eaters". Pure-bloods and Muggle-haters, the lot of 'em. All chomping at the bit for a magical race war, though they'll stop off for a bit of torture & such along the way if they're not in a hurry. Then they kill you.
And that's it, apparently. No raising guardian demons from disjointed corpses, no summoning horrors from the bowels of Hell, no nothing. Kill, maim, start race war, all hail Lord V., who's up for jelly & ice cream.
Thought of the Brujeria. This did not measure up to them. What it sounded like was the Manson Family, & I said so. Had to explain Manson; Hagrid seemed to think anyone w/Charlie's kind of grip on his followers had to be a Dark Wizard. Load of tosh, of course- Manson was about as magical as Margaret sodding Thatcher. Took so bloody long to set him straight that I had to light one up. (This did not go well & I do not want to talk about it.) Got it through eventually, though, right before the train arrived.
Hogsmeade, our stop, is largest all-magic town in Britain. Translation: got off steam train accompanied by giant, nearly got run over by idiot on flying broom. Going to be flattened by large Norse woman in chariot pulled by cats if this keeps up. Got up anyway & followed Hagrid into town. Despite very clearly not smoking, got the Look again. This time it was the clothes. Whole town appears to have escaped from the Eisteddfod. Was going to ask about this but Hagrid spotted this Dumbledore of his heading into a place called the Three Broomsticks.
I swear on my eyes, I thought he was Father Christmas. Maybe after a few months' slimming at the seaside, but still Father Christmas. Long white beard, crimson robes, spectacles and all. Pointy hat rather spoiled the effect. Didn't see us, so we followed him into the Broomsticks. Hagrid caught him as he was sitting down, said he'd finished his errands, & introduced us. Then he went off saying something about having to 'feed the thestrals' (sounds like Wizard for taking a quick piss if you ask me), and left me to explain.
Hagrid's war all down to one man, some git calling himself Lord Voldemort. Apparently he's some magic psychopathic racist dictator or something who held power 15+ yrs. ago. Reign of terror, people dying left & right, armies of sinister magic creatures, etc. etc., but got his arse served to him on a silver platter by a baby name of Harry Potter. Been trying to stage comeback ever since. Lord V wants to 'purify wizarding race', can't even stand wizards w/muggle ancestors, would be happier if muggles all died screaming. Sounds like every fascist wanker to come down the pike only w/magic. Tried telling Hagrid this. Did not help. Hagrid unwilling even to say Lord V's name. Talked about his allies, though. His Nibs has gang of wizards & witches hanging on his every word- "Death Eaters". Pure-bloods and Muggle-haters, the lot of 'em. All chomping at the bit for a magical race war, though they'll stop off for a bit of torture & such along the way if they're not in a hurry. Then they kill you.
And that's it, apparently. No raising guardian demons from disjointed corpses, no summoning horrors from the bowels of Hell, no nothing. Kill, maim, start race war, all hail Lord V., who's up for jelly & ice cream.
Thought of the Brujeria. This did not measure up to them. What it sounded like was the Manson Family, & I said so. Had to explain Manson; Hagrid seemed to think anyone w/Charlie's kind of grip on his followers had to be a Dark Wizard. Load of tosh, of course- Manson was about as magical as Margaret sodding Thatcher. Took so bloody long to set him straight that I had to light one up. (This did not go well & I do not want to talk about it.) Got it through eventually, though, right before the train arrived.
Hogsmeade, our stop, is largest all-magic town in Britain. Translation: got off steam train accompanied by giant, nearly got run over by idiot on flying broom. Going to be flattened by large Norse woman in chariot pulled by cats if this keeps up. Got up anyway & followed Hagrid into town. Despite very clearly not smoking, got the Look again. This time it was the clothes. Whole town appears to have escaped from the Eisteddfod. Was going to ask about this but Hagrid spotted this Dumbledore of his heading into a place called the Three Broomsticks.
I swear on my eyes, I thought he was Father Christmas. Maybe after a few months' slimming at the seaside, but still Father Christmas. Long white beard, crimson robes, spectacles and all. Pointy hat rather spoiled the effect. Didn't see us, so we followed him into the Broomsticks. Hagrid caught him as he was sitting down, said he'd finished his errands, & introduced us. Then he went off saying something about having to 'feed the thestrals' (sounds like Wizard for taking a quick piss if you ask me), and left me to explain.
