Exercise 19: Gender Bending.

[camwyn]

It was, Wayne told himself, all a dream. That was it- it had all been a dream. And he was- he was still asleep! Yes, that was it. He was still asleep, he was trying to wake up, he could go into the bathroom and get his morning washing-up done without opening his eyes, he could brush his teeth, he could shower, he could piss-

Fuck. No he couldn't.

It took him a few minutes to sort that particular mess out, during which time no fewer than sixteen possible explanations for his current, inexplicable state went through his mind, each more ridiculous than the last. Eventually he settled on one- it was easier than continuing to think- and stood up. Right, now, wash hands, flush toilet, brush teeth, get razor- no, no, apparently that wouldn't be necessary-

Oh, hell, who was he kidding? Sometime in the past five and a half hours, while he had been asleep, some son of a bitch had turned him into a woman.

He'd known something was wrong the instant he'd come awake. The pillow was not, in his experience, given to being inexplicably itchy. He'd sat up and looked at it, thinking he might've developed mange or something during the night, only to find the remains of his facial hair. If it wasn't eyebrows, eyelashes, or resident in the nose, it had fallen the hell off. He'd reached up to check for sores or some kind of skin condition and he'd found nothing, just smoother skin than he'd remembered, and then he'd gotten out of bed and promptly tripped. Center of balance status report: shot to hell. Possible reasons: smaller feet than he remembered, lack of hockey-related ache in right knee causing overcompensation, upward shifting of weight distribution due to SUDDEN EXISTENCE OF BREASTS. . .

Yeah, that was the big one. That and having to sit down to piss. You know, he'd made jokes about having to buy a full-length mirror and set it up in the shower if he were ever transplanted into a woman's body, but there wasn't a fucking thing funny about the current situation. Insofar as he could tell, he still had the same mass (minus, of course, the hair on the pillow) and height, but everything had been rearranged to fit the criteria for 'human female', right down to the angle of his elbows. He didn't much care for the idea that he was going to have to learn to rework every single thing he'd ever learned in his krav maga classes, but there were other things more important right now.

Taking a very deep breath, he punched in his partner's code on the video phone. Dennis would probably laugh his ass off, then say something about how he'd fallen in some cursed spring or something and was going to have to find himself the right temperature of water and holy FUCK Dennis looked even worse as a woman than Wayne did.

"You too, huh?" said the petite, resigned-looking woman on the other end.

"Yup," Wayne answered wearily.

"Whaddya think?"

"Dunno. We piss off any Triad bosses with nanotech investments?"

"Huh." Girl-Dennis got a thoughtful look. "Could be. I'll have to check. No offense, Wayne, but I don't have any ideas. The zodiac murders were one thing. This is too fucking weird even for me."

Wayne exhaled in relief. One thing about having a male mind in a female body, thought Wayne: you still didn't have to talk much.

"I'll give it this much, though. . . not everything changed." Girl-Dennis smiled wryly. "It would appear I still like men."

Wayne blinked. "What?"

Girl-Dennis shrugged. "I checked. It seemed like-"

"No, I mean, what do you mean still?"

Comments

[dormouse-in-tea.livejournal.com]

*laughs hysterically*

I was gonna quote my favorite bits, but once I hit "If it wasn't eyebrows, eyelashes, or resident in the nose, it had fallen the hell off." I would have just been reposting your post in a comment, and that seemed kinda redundant.