I've seen a slogan

on T-shirts and sweatshirts, mostly in catalogs like Signals and Wireless, that I rather like. Aaron Williams, the fellow behind the wonderful gaming comic book/online comic Nodwick, reminded me of it this past week. "The best reason to get an education: you'll get more jokes."

I'd like to add something to this, if I may: a decent education gives you a much better selection of phrases to draw on when you're trying to put together a properly cutting remark. cadhla, I can't claim proper credit for last night's comment about the country being run by apes wearing hats; I got it out of Sima Qian. Weeeee the hell back between the Qin and Han dynasties, Xiang Yu decided that he was going to move his imperial capital to the swampy, decidedly non-strategic southern state of Chu, his point of origin, because "Becoming famous without going home is like putting on a new robe and going for a walk at night. Who's to know about it?" When word of his decision got around, one man laughed and said, "These men of Chu are nothing but apes wearing hats!"

Of course, I'd prefer to skip the part where Xiang Yu found out that this had been said and had the man boiled alive, but hey - if that happens, y'all are invited. Bring carrots, onions, and celery, make it a soup night.

Today's pulp survival tip is #39. Keep a civilized tongue in your head. The coolness factor outweighs any shock, disgust, or quizzical puzzlement the bad guy may exhibit at modern slang or profanity.

If this isn't mad science,

I don't know what is...

When flies get fruity

BBC World News - Scientists can turn the homosexual tendencies of laboratory flies on and off at the flick of a switch.

Researchers introduced a mutant gene into the fruit flies that is sensitive to temperature.

When the insects were warmed above 30 Celsius, communication between a particular set of nerve cells was disrupted.

This made the mutant males less interested in courting female flies and open to the advances of other males.

The flies reverted back to heterosexual courtship behaviours at cooler temperatures.

There's more, of course; the rest of it is at the link above.

Apocalyptic considerations

Today I got issue 3 of the comic Y: The Last Man. You've heard about it from cadhla already, so you probably know the premise by now, and I'm not the kind of person to randomly throw spoilers out there, so I'm not gonna comment on the specifics of this issue. It's just that the comic has left me thinking (more than once) along lines that I pursued in high school, college, and later years - namely the lines of, 'If $vast_disaster happened and civilization as I know it now fell, what's the first thing I would do?'. The most recent incident of this kind of thought, for me, was last week - mostly because of the anniversary - and took the shape of a bit of remembrance. The Catholic saint John Bosco (aka Don Bosco - Don being the title, John being his name) was apparently involved in some kind of sports event with the kids he was teaching when the boys fell to discussing something. What would they do if they found out the world ended tomorrow? Some talked about prayer, some talked about Mass, some talked about running home, etc. They then asked Don Bosco what he would do.

Now, I like Don's answer, and I like it a lot. In fact, I think his answer ought to qualify him for some kind of honorary Zen credit. The answer? "I would continue playing ball with you boys."

Been thinking about that off and on, usually after reading some unpleasant news article or seeing something in the news. Sometimes after watching certain movies or TV shows. Sometimes after listening to the right song - Hammer to Fall, Until the End of the World, Final Countdown, The Impression That I Get, things like that. But I'd been thinking about that a little all last week, sort of turning it over in my head. There's a lot of implications to actions taken when you know the world is coming to an end. Social ones, religious ones, financial ones, philosophical ones, etc. I imagine it probably says something about your values, but damned if I know exactly what.

I do know that the answer I finally came up with last week, after an awful lot of thinking, is fairly consistent with what I've been doing the past four years - and what I intend to do with as much of my life as possible. I've got loved ones I'd like to see again before the Apocalypse, but the people who matter most to me are so far away that by the time I got there, I'd hardly have a fistful of hours left. And since I believe in an afterlife anyway, I'd feel right silly going to all that trouble to locate one or two people only to wind up looking at all the rest of the people that I know on the other side of death and saying 'um. . . I knew this was going to happen. . . really.' Prayers of repentance are good and all, but I'm not sure how much difference they'll make if the thing driving them is fear that every morality check you've ever made is finally being cashed in. It seems to me that actions are the part that counts, the big important thing, and given my position in life - well. If I knew the world was going to end tomorrow, I have to say that I'd get into my 'NASCAR shirt' (it's got an awful lot of patches on it), a pair of jeans, and comfortable shoes, then head for the nearest available Red Cross installation.

Because dammit, I don't know of a single apocalyptic scenario that doesn't involve an awful lot of suffering and chaos before the ringing down of the final curtain, and it'd just be too cool for words to get to the final judgment and say say that I was on the support team trying to help people hold themselves together and face the End of the Entire Frickin' World. I very much doubt EVERYONE is going to run like Australian rabbits when the brimstone starts or the demon grasshoppers show up or the guy on the white horse rides out of the sea or the trumpets get to blowing or whatever - and someone's got to look after the civilians, or the soldiers/cops/uniformed services looking after the civilians, right? There's nothing in our charter that says we're allowed to stand down come the Apocalypse, just a line that says we provide disaster relief and prepare for/attempt to mitigate oncoming disasters. So when the brimstone starts raining down and the seas turn to blood or boil or whatever the hell they're supposed to do, someone's gonna have to pass out the umbrellas and burn cream.

As for the scenario presented in Y: The Last Man, it's not that different a deal. All the men around me seem to have died of some kind of hemorrhagic incident (the ones in the comic had blood coming from the eyes and mouth)? Okay. Try to get in contact with the local health department, the state health department, any health department. Then gather up the available food and water, and phone HQ in Washington - if that's not a disaster I don't know what is. Besides, OUR leader is female. And if the phones aren't working any more, well, there's plenty to do up here in the case of a massive civil disturbance; I'm gonna have to get me some broadheads and break out the Hoyt, just in case.

Ah, well. It's all braggadocio, really, but it's nice to have an answer that keeps the questioning voices in the back of my brain quiet.

And yes, I think about this kind of thing for fun. I got bored with designing a race of advanced sentient beings whose primary sense is smell and secondary is sight, with hearing down at the bottom of the list. (The ultimate design is a semi-aquatic creature with a desmostylian skull, independently operating trunks, otter-like ears, and a body plan similar to that of a Malaysian tapir crossed with some of the early American camels.) Look. YOU try living inside my head for a month and see what YOU come up with!

Incoming!

His name is Tropical Storm Isidore, and as of 3:30 PM Eastern Standard Time he was 110 miles west-southwest of Kingston, Jamaica. His current track indicates a northwestern line of likely movement, and he's looking like he'll make hurricane strength sometime Friday morning. Red Cross chapters in the Southeastern United States are advised to get themselves ready, in case he makes landfall.

Get out your waders, folks.

(Yeah, yeah, not everyone reading this is necessarily from anywhere geographically near the places this is relevant. Sorry, guys. I'm hoping for a drought-ender here, with as little harm and destruction as possible.)