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Notes From New Vegas 52
Notes From New Vegas 52: Now We Are All Sons Of Bitches
When last we saw our heroine, Janice had just slugged her way through a tunnel... no, that's the wrong word. Janice had just run like a scared deathclaw through a collapsed overpass tunnel. And yes, she knew exactly what a scared deathclaw ran like, because she'd seen one. Said tunnel had a bad case of CHUDs, or possibly just the descendants of the Martense family- okay, okay, fine, 'Tunnelers', whatever; the point is they were evil man-eating lizard things with big enough eyes and heads to trigger 'these are children, aren't they?' responses despite being the size of regular humans. And the Tunnelers were quite capable of ripping deathclaws to jerky, so Janice didn't really feel like shooting at too many of them. Yes, the holorifle was deadly, but you had to line up your shot and all first, and given how long it took to fire and reload every four shots, it would've ended up in a "... clever girl" situation. So she ran. I'd like to see you do better.
Janice would've liked to keep moving at that speed, but Pretentious Exposition Guy had taken control of ED-E long enough to snide at her. When he finished sniding, she and ED-E started moving right away, just in case the Evil Lizard Children were still on their tail. They weren't. Which was nice. There was a camp full of Dudes With No Skin On ahead, though, which wasn't so nice. There was a lot of GRR and ARGH and BOOM and WHERE DID YOU GET THAT MASK and such, and when it was all over, a bunch of ordinary Dudes With No Skin On were dead along with one that apparently had an individual name. Beast, I think. Not that it mattered. The only real difference about him was that he had a helmet shaped like a face, which was apparently a replica of Legate Lanius' or something (Pretentious Exposition Guy had mentioned that name somewhere along the line, I forget where). I mean, technically he probably had nastier stats and all, but Janice had one-hit critted him with her holorifle as soon as she saw him, so just how impressive could he have been?
She left the helmet and the armor and such. Actually, she left most of what the Dudes With No Skin On had. She had no use for bullets or conventional guns, and most of these guys had been Legion when they had skin, so it's not like there were NCR dog tags to return or anything. Yeah, someone had had a big honkin' sword (Blade of the West, whatever) on them, but that kind of thing only mattered to somebody who used big honkin' swords. Janice just shot people until they glowed funny colors and fell over. Not worth the trouble. True, when she examined their camp she found an Army commissary machine which-
You know what, never mind the machine. The commissary machines make sense in an extremely limited way when you find them inside the actual buildings of what used to be Hopeville. The first one you find is accompanied by an angry note from some tech or officer or something saying that people need to stop using bottlecaps as counterfeit tokens for the machine, so at least that's a handwave in the direction of why you can use them. But they're basically devices about the size of a pay phone that exist solely so that the player can sell their crap and buy new crap in an area where there are absolutely no friendly NPCs other than ED-E. They make so little sense in the story that it's not even funny, unless they're somehow derived from Sierra Madre vending machines with their ability to fabricate materials from chips on the fly. And they're not- they all share the same inventory, so if you buy one out and arrive at another, you'll find that it has a lot of bottlecaps and next to no stuff. So as far as I'm concerned, after the first one in the Hopeville bunker, Janice didn't find any of these machines. They just don't make sense and they really aren't necessary.
So, yeah. Nothing of real interest in the Marked Men camp. Janice took what she liked the look of and kept going along the shattered remains of an elevated road that ran through the middle of the Valley of Allegory. There was one point where part of a hospital (she found the red cross sign) had fallen across the road, but just her luck- the fallen bits were fll of Dudes With No Skin, and there was a warhead propped up against part of the fallen building. Whee. Honestly, at that point Janice no longer even cared all that much about answers. She was mostly just following the road to find Pretentious Exposition Guy and smack the smug off his face. It just happened that every time she got closer, SOMEBODY opened fire on her with freaking ROCKETS or MACHINE GUNS or LIGHTNING GUNS, WHAT THE CRAP. She was mighty tired of killing people by this point, yes, but that didn't mean she was tired of staying alive, so she basically wiped out all the skinless guys who were trying to kill her and then blew the goddamn warhead up. And was completely unsurprised by its failure to do anything more nuclear than make a token mushroomlike cloud any big explosive could pull off, and scatter some rads around. Ulysses, you lying bastard, those things were about as nuclear as a bowl of pudding.
Anyway, because she didn't fancy the idea of a sniper hiding somewhere carving her name on his bullets, she climbed up into the accessible parts of the building. No snipers left, she'd killed them all, but she did find a holotape log of Ulysses bitching. He was good at bitching, too:
"Big Empty - there's something hidden there, a crater, past wind and sand - so deep in the desert there's no turning back. Finding the crater was an accident, was following the weather patterns - the Divide sky torn like that, man's violence, not nature's. That violence in the sky had a source. Tracked it like following a river current. Left the colors to mark my way, like always, case someone finds them, learns the pattern - the Courier might. When I thought sand and wind would never end ... came to the crater. And there ... there was an Old World facility, a weather station, at the edge, still raking the sky with electricity and generators. And beyond it ... saw the rest of the Old World hell there, all carved up like garden plots. Had to see what was there, couldn't leave it be. Things sleep in the Big Empty, the Brotherhood woke them up - can't move quiet, any more than the two-headed Bear can. And when they woke up, it was like all of history waking up at once. Almost didn't make it out. Almost. Left with answers I never intended."
Aw, did Mr. Pretentious find out something that didn't fit with his particular brand of assumptions about post-nuclear human existence? I'd play him the world's smallest violin, but it got blown up in the war. Everybody gets answers they never intended in this world, pal.
Anyway, Janice didn't find much else of use, and she couldn't progress through the building any further, so she climbed back down to the highway to keep going. At which point she found the WINNEBAGO OF DEATH.
Seriously. Overturned vehicle, something on the order of a Winnebago camper, with blood splatters on every single available flat surface. Or possibly rust and corrosion patches, but c'mon. This was Fallout, and she was in an area where dudes with no skin had chunks of human flesh in their inventory when they died. And there were what looked like mutilated arms lying around, too. WINNEBAGO OF DEATH. She was about to turn around and make her way out when she realized she could hear something.... something that made snuffling, snorting noises.
And that then made an enormous THUD! noise.
Oh, oh wow. Congratulations, Lonesome Road, you're the first Fallout add-on or main game to give me an "Oh !&*)( it is ON THE ROOF" moment.
Yeah. Janice held very, very, VERY still, because when something makes that big of a noise directly above your head you do not want to attract its attention, and looked up. There were just enough holes in the roof for her to see that the WINNEBAGO OF DEATH had a fully-grown deathclaw stomping around on top, sniffing and poking and generally doing all the things that highly opportunistic predatory murder reptiles tend to do. It hadn't pinpointed her and ED-E just yet, probably because the horrible mes inside the WINNEBAGO OF DEATH was a good bit of olfactory camouflage, but those claws were eminently visible through the holes...
Well. There were only two ways out of that van, and Janice did not fancy the one that also required her to figure out how to get out of a pile of deathclaw fewmets. So she crept over to the edge of the van's back door, leaned out juuuuuuuuuuust enough to draw a bead on the thing as it sniffed at the far edge of the vehicle, and bam. CALLED SHOT TO THE ASS, LIZARDBREATH. And a sneak attack critical hit, too, so it vaporized the thing instantly. Hooray!
And then there were others coming from further down the highway! Not hooray!
And then there was the Big Bowl of Pudding- I'm sorry, the 'nuclear warhead'- sitting blithely on the back of a truck in the middle of the road! Good God, this was SO many kinds of Not A Place Of Honor and she was not even off the HIGHWAY yet...
Oh, it didn't help that ED-E suddenly started playing another recording of his creator's voice, either. Well, it did, a little. But only because the game forces you to enter conversation mode with the robot until that's over, so nothing attacks you and you can't attack anything. From a purely in-game point of view, the instant Whitley's voice started saying "With all due respect sir, I think you're making a mistake," Janice started flailing her arms and shushing the bot as vigorously as she dared. It didn't work, of course. She got to hear about how Colonel Autumn ordered Whitley to take all the Duraframe eyebots apart so that the parts could be used for Hellfire armor. And about how ED-E was sneaking around and watching RALPHIE videos and how Whitley thought they were a bad influence. And a few other things, but mostly what Janice heard was her own voice going 'shut up shut up shut UP do you want us to DIE'.
Eventually she got far enough along the highway to have a crack at climbing down to the valley floor, which she figured she'd try. This was something of a mistake. There was another Bowl of Pudding, for starters, and then there were a couple of ruined buildings that had been some kind of rest stop or gas station or something, and there were Evil Lizard Children that popped up out of nowhere as soon as she set foot inside one of the buildings. And then there were deathclaws again, once she got out of the buildings and started verifying that there was no way out of the little pocket of wreckage. Because you can never have enough deathclaws. (No, seriously. You can never have enough deathclaws, because one deathclaw, all by itself, is entirely too many.)
Well, she survived that and clawed her way back up to the highway and oh hell's bells, there were TWO MORE DEATHCLAWS. At that point if it were possible to do so, she would have flipped out, grabbed the nearest available knife, and started wearing the goddamn things' skin, but the game doesn't let you do that. So sad. You can't even make a deathclaw gauntlet out of most of their hands, so the best she could do was scream at the corpses and jump up and down on them a bit and then turn around and stomp away. She found herself a highway overpass or tunnel or something with a lot of rubble in it and the back end of a truck poking out, and sat down there to eat something- it had, after all, been kind of a long day so far- and OH LOOK ANOTHER ULYSSES HOLOTAPE. What the hell.
"I walked the Great Salt Lake as Caesar's eye, then his hand. Mongrels there, two-legs and four. Saw the walls of New Canaan, the scavengers circled ... hadn't the strength or fire to take. Too high, too strong. White Legs, they were born for war, they run to it, hungry for battle ... yet their hunger is to be a part of history, something larger. Like the Legion. As always, brought them a message - from Caesar. If New Canaan burns, Caesar might see them. 'Might.' Even the chance was a lie. To honor Caesar - destroy the history of New Canaan, and the way they carry it - in their generations and family. Caesar respects such strength, I told them. That - that was truth, even if 'strength' wasn't the word. Obediance. You must be willing to kill anyone, children, mothers, the weak, elders ... If these New Canaanites value the generations, that is what you must kill. It was like Vulpes was speaking through me. Use the night silence, and fire to change their words to pleas, to screams. No need for bombs when hate will do. I ... asked the White Legs to destroy a people with ancestry, going back thousands of years - another death of history, lost to time. The New Canaanites ... they supplied medicine, food, traded with others. Civilization, a hand from the past, not history. But maybe a past deeper, farther than that to a place where this ... God really exists. If so, his handiwork and people belong elsewhere, not in this place. Another symbol, like Bear and Bull, with no meaning in the present."
So that was why the Angriest Mormon Alive said he'd been expecting a courier, but not Janice. Great.
Anyway, Janice finished her lunch, since her appetite was even harder to kill than she was, and got up to keep going along the road. Turned out there was a WHOLE NEW FIGHTY PLACE up the hill from the end of the highway, full of skinless dudes and AUGH MY LIIIIIIIIMBS. The locals were pretty fond of hiding proximity explosives in rockfalls. Given how many deathclaws and Evil Lizard Children roamed the area I can't entirely blame them, but Janice? Blamed the EVER LIVING HELL out of them. Having to sit on a burnt-out fire truck and staple your legs back on does not engender perspective on the sufferings of others. Especially when you look back a bit and think and realize you honestly and truly cannot remember the last time you slept. Ever.
She wiped out all the skinless guys who tried to kill her, blew up another Big Bowl of Pudding because it looked at her funny (seriously, it was off to one side and didn't offer her access to much more than a few anti-rad devices and she hadn't slept in ages and she'd been bleeding and hurting and fixing crippled limbs- that warhead looked at her funny and that's all there is to it), and eventually found her way to a concrete area with a control console in front of two doors. One was in the side of a mountain, was marked 'Ashton Silo Control Station', and had a white Old World flag marking painted on it. The other was a set of round blast doors in the ground. The door with the flag painted on it refused to open and was not responsive to lock picking attempts, so she asked ED-E to activate the console for her, figuring it'd unlock the door in the wall and let her in the same way the last console she'd had to mess with back in Hopeville opened the blast doors and let her out. ED-E cooperated, the shiny red lever appeared. and she pulled the lever.
... wait. WAIT. WAAAAAIT THE DOOR THAT iS OPENING IS NOT THE DOOR TO LET ME IN. THAT IS THE DOOR IN THE - THAT'S THE MISSILE DOOR WHAT THE WHaT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT
SINGLE CONTROL ICBM LAUNCH? WHAT? ARE YOU BLOODY SERIOUS???.. oh hell you are...
oh, God, the sky and the BRIGHT, WHITE LIGHT
... and oh God Janice just leveled up. Gah.
When last we saw our heroine, Janice had just slugged her way through a tunnel... no, that's the wrong word. Janice had just run like a scared deathclaw through a collapsed overpass tunnel. And yes, she knew exactly what a scared deathclaw ran like, because she'd seen one. Said tunnel had a bad case of CHUDs, or possibly just the descendants of the Martense family- okay, okay, fine, 'Tunnelers', whatever; the point is they were evil man-eating lizard things with big enough eyes and heads to trigger 'these are children, aren't they?' responses despite being the size of regular humans. And the Tunnelers were quite capable of ripping deathclaws to jerky, so Janice didn't really feel like shooting at too many of them. Yes, the holorifle was deadly, but you had to line up your shot and all first, and given how long it took to fire and reload every four shots, it would've ended up in a "... clever girl" situation. So she ran. I'd like to see you do better.
Janice would've liked to keep moving at that speed, but Pretentious Exposition Guy had taken control of ED-E long enough to snide at her. When he finished sniding, she and ED-E started moving right away, just in case the Evil Lizard Children were still on their tail. They weren't. Which was nice. There was a camp full of Dudes With No Skin On ahead, though, which wasn't so nice. There was a lot of GRR and ARGH and BOOM and WHERE DID YOU GET THAT MASK and such, and when it was all over, a bunch of ordinary Dudes With No Skin On were dead along with one that apparently had an individual name. Beast, I think. Not that it mattered. The only real difference about him was that he had a helmet shaped like a face, which was apparently a replica of Legate Lanius' or something (Pretentious Exposition Guy had mentioned that name somewhere along the line, I forget where). I mean, technically he probably had nastier stats and all, but Janice had one-hit critted him with her holorifle as soon as she saw him, so just how impressive could he have been?
She left the helmet and the armor and such. Actually, she left most of what the Dudes With No Skin On had. She had no use for bullets or conventional guns, and most of these guys had been Legion when they had skin, so it's not like there were NCR dog tags to return or anything. Yeah, someone had had a big honkin' sword (Blade of the West, whatever) on them, but that kind of thing only mattered to somebody who used big honkin' swords. Janice just shot people until they glowed funny colors and fell over. Not worth the trouble. True, when she examined their camp she found an Army commissary machine which-
You know what, never mind the machine. The commissary machines make sense in an extremely limited way when you find them inside the actual buildings of what used to be Hopeville. The first one you find is accompanied by an angry note from some tech or officer or something saying that people need to stop using bottlecaps as counterfeit tokens for the machine, so at least that's a handwave in the direction of why you can use them. But they're basically devices about the size of a pay phone that exist solely so that the player can sell their crap and buy new crap in an area where there are absolutely no friendly NPCs other than ED-E. They make so little sense in the story that it's not even funny, unless they're somehow derived from Sierra Madre vending machines with their ability to fabricate materials from chips on the fly. And they're not- they all share the same inventory, so if you buy one out and arrive at another, you'll find that it has a lot of bottlecaps and next to no stuff. So as far as I'm concerned, after the first one in the Hopeville bunker, Janice didn't find any of these machines. They just don't make sense and they really aren't necessary.
So, yeah. Nothing of real interest in the Marked Men camp. Janice took what she liked the look of and kept going along the shattered remains of an elevated road that ran through the middle of the Valley of Allegory. There was one point where part of a hospital (she found the red cross sign) had fallen across the road, but just her luck- the fallen bits were fll of Dudes With No Skin, and there was a warhead propped up against part of the fallen building. Whee. Honestly, at that point Janice no longer even cared all that much about answers. She was mostly just following the road to find Pretentious Exposition Guy and smack the smug off his face. It just happened that every time she got closer, SOMEBODY opened fire on her with freaking ROCKETS or MACHINE GUNS or LIGHTNING GUNS, WHAT THE CRAP. She was mighty tired of killing people by this point, yes, but that didn't mean she was tired of staying alive, so she basically wiped out all the skinless guys who were trying to kill her and then blew the goddamn warhead up. And was completely unsurprised by its failure to do anything more nuclear than make a token mushroomlike cloud any big explosive could pull off, and scatter some rads around. Ulysses, you lying bastard, those things were about as nuclear as a bowl of pudding.
Anyway, because she didn't fancy the idea of a sniper hiding somewhere carving her name on his bullets, she climbed up into the accessible parts of the building. No snipers left, she'd killed them all, but she did find a holotape log of Ulysses bitching. He was good at bitching, too:
"Big Empty - there's something hidden there, a crater, past wind and sand - so deep in the desert there's no turning back. Finding the crater was an accident, was following the weather patterns - the Divide sky torn like that, man's violence, not nature's. That violence in the sky had a source. Tracked it like following a river current. Left the colors to mark my way, like always, case someone finds them, learns the pattern - the Courier might. When I thought sand and wind would never end ... came to the crater. And there ... there was an Old World facility, a weather station, at the edge, still raking the sky with electricity and generators. And beyond it ... saw the rest of the Old World hell there, all carved up like garden plots. Had to see what was there, couldn't leave it be. Things sleep in the Big Empty, the Brotherhood woke them up - can't move quiet, any more than the two-headed Bear can. And when they woke up, it was like all of history waking up at once. Almost didn't make it out. Almost. Left with answers I never intended."
Aw, did Mr. Pretentious find out something that didn't fit with his particular brand of assumptions about post-nuclear human existence? I'd play him the world's smallest violin, but it got blown up in the war. Everybody gets answers they never intended in this world, pal.
Anyway, Janice didn't find much else of use, and she couldn't progress through the building any further, so she climbed back down to the highway to keep going. At which point she found the WINNEBAGO OF DEATH.
Seriously. Overturned vehicle, something on the order of a Winnebago camper, with blood splatters on every single available flat surface. Or possibly rust and corrosion patches, but c'mon. This was Fallout, and she was in an area where dudes with no skin had chunks of human flesh in their inventory when they died. And there were what looked like mutilated arms lying around, too. WINNEBAGO OF DEATH. She was about to turn around and make her way out when she realized she could hear something.... something that made snuffling, snorting noises.
And that then made an enormous THUD! noise.
Oh, oh wow. Congratulations, Lonesome Road, you're the first Fallout add-on or main game to give me an "Oh !&*)( it is ON THE ROOF" moment.
Yeah. Janice held very, very, VERY still, because when something makes that big of a noise directly above your head you do not want to attract its attention, and looked up. There were just enough holes in the roof for her to see that the WINNEBAGO OF DEATH had a fully-grown deathclaw stomping around on top, sniffing and poking and generally doing all the things that highly opportunistic predatory murder reptiles tend to do. It hadn't pinpointed her and ED-E just yet, probably because the horrible mes inside the WINNEBAGO OF DEATH was a good bit of olfactory camouflage, but those claws were eminently visible through the holes...
Well. There were only two ways out of that van, and Janice did not fancy the one that also required her to figure out how to get out of a pile of deathclaw fewmets. So she crept over to the edge of the van's back door, leaned out juuuuuuuuuuust enough to draw a bead on the thing as it sniffed at the far edge of the vehicle, and bam. CALLED SHOT TO THE ASS, LIZARDBREATH. And a sneak attack critical hit, too, so it vaporized the thing instantly. Hooray!
And then there were others coming from further down the highway! Not hooray!
And then there was the Big Bowl of Pudding- I'm sorry, the 'nuclear warhead'- sitting blithely on the back of a truck in the middle of the road! Good God, this was SO many kinds of Not A Place Of Honor and she was not even off the HIGHWAY yet...
Oh, it didn't help that ED-E suddenly started playing another recording of his creator's voice, either. Well, it did, a little. But only because the game forces you to enter conversation mode with the robot until that's over, so nothing attacks you and you can't attack anything. From a purely in-game point of view, the instant Whitley's voice started saying "With all due respect sir, I think you're making a mistake," Janice started flailing her arms and shushing the bot as vigorously as she dared. It didn't work, of course. She got to hear about how Colonel Autumn ordered Whitley to take all the Duraframe eyebots apart so that the parts could be used for Hellfire armor. And about how ED-E was sneaking around and watching RALPHIE videos and how Whitley thought they were a bad influence. And a few other things, but mostly what Janice heard was her own voice going 'shut up shut up shut UP do you want us to DIE'.
Eventually she got far enough along the highway to have a crack at climbing down to the valley floor, which she figured she'd try. This was something of a mistake. There was another Bowl of Pudding, for starters, and then there were a couple of ruined buildings that had been some kind of rest stop or gas station or something, and there were Evil Lizard Children that popped up out of nowhere as soon as she set foot inside one of the buildings. And then there were deathclaws again, once she got out of the buildings and started verifying that there was no way out of the little pocket of wreckage. Because you can never have enough deathclaws. (No, seriously. You can never have enough deathclaws, because one deathclaw, all by itself, is entirely too many.)
Well, she survived that and clawed her way back up to the highway and oh hell's bells, there were TWO MORE DEATHCLAWS. At that point if it were possible to do so, she would have flipped out, grabbed the nearest available knife, and started wearing the goddamn things' skin, but the game doesn't let you do that. So sad. You can't even make a deathclaw gauntlet out of most of their hands, so the best she could do was scream at the corpses and jump up and down on them a bit and then turn around and stomp away. She found herself a highway overpass or tunnel or something with a lot of rubble in it and the back end of a truck poking out, and sat down there to eat something- it had, after all, been kind of a long day so far- and OH LOOK ANOTHER ULYSSES HOLOTAPE. What the hell.
"I walked the Great Salt Lake as Caesar's eye, then his hand. Mongrels there, two-legs and four. Saw the walls of New Canaan, the scavengers circled ... hadn't the strength or fire to take. Too high, too strong. White Legs, they were born for war, they run to it, hungry for battle ... yet their hunger is to be a part of history, something larger. Like the Legion. As always, brought them a message - from Caesar. If New Canaan burns, Caesar might see them. 'Might.' Even the chance was a lie. To honor Caesar - destroy the history of New Canaan, and the way they carry it - in their generations and family. Caesar respects such strength, I told them. That - that was truth, even if 'strength' wasn't the word. Obediance. You must be willing to kill anyone, children, mothers, the weak, elders ... If these New Canaanites value the generations, that is what you must kill. It was like Vulpes was speaking through me. Use the night silence, and fire to change their words to pleas, to screams. No need for bombs when hate will do. I ... asked the White Legs to destroy a people with ancestry, going back thousands of years - another death of history, lost to time. The New Canaanites ... they supplied medicine, food, traded with others. Civilization, a hand from the past, not history. But maybe a past deeper, farther than that to a place where this ... God really exists. If so, his handiwork and people belong elsewhere, not in this place. Another symbol, like Bear and Bull, with no meaning in the present."
So that was why the Angriest Mormon Alive said he'd been expecting a courier, but not Janice. Great.
Anyway, Janice finished her lunch, since her appetite was even harder to kill than she was, and got up to keep going along the road. Turned out there was a WHOLE NEW FIGHTY PLACE up the hill from the end of the highway, full of skinless dudes and AUGH MY LIIIIIIIIMBS. The locals were pretty fond of hiding proximity explosives in rockfalls. Given how many deathclaws and Evil Lizard Children roamed the area I can't entirely blame them, but Janice? Blamed the EVER LIVING HELL out of them. Having to sit on a burnt-out fire truck and staple your legs back on does not engender perspective on the sufferings of others. Especially when you look back a bit and think and realize you honestly and truly cannot remember the last time you slept. Ever.
She wiped out all the skinless guys who tried to kill her, blew up another Big Bowl of Pudding because it looked at her funny (seriously, it was off to one side and didn't offer her access to much more than a few anti-rad devices and she hadn't slept in ages and she'd been bleeding and hurting and fixing crippled limbs- that warhead looked at her funny and that's all there is to it), and eventually found her way to a concrete area with a control console in front of two doors. One was in the side of a mountain, was marked 'Ashton Silo Control Station', and had a white Old World flag marking painted on it. The other was a set of round blast doors in the ground. The door with the flag painted on it refused to open and was not responsive to lock picking attempts, so she asked ED-E to activate the console for her, figuring it'd unlock the door in the wall and let her in the same way the last console she'd had to mess with back in Hopeville opened the blast doors and let her out. ED-E cooperated, the shiny red lever appeared. and she pulled the lever.
... wait. WAIT. WAAAAAIT THE DOOR THAT iS OPENING IS NOT THE DOOR TO LET ME IN. THAT IS THE DOOR IN THE - THAT'S THE MISSILE DOOR WHAT THE WHaT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT
SINGLE CONTROL ICBM LAUNCH? WHAT? ARE YOU BLOODY SERIOUS???.. oh hell you are...
oh, God, the sky and the BRIGHT, WHITE LIGHT
... and oh God Janice just leveled up. Gah.
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