(no subject)

[camwyn]

Question for the LGBTQ+ folks who might be reading this: I'm straight, but I've got a close relative who's either bi or gay, I'm not sure which. Where do I go to find out what's considered appropriate in terms of commemorating/observing Pride and being supportive without being an ass? Trying to avoid the whole 'I am Clueless, You Must Educate Me' thing here.

I'm not sure if I've asked something like this before. I have vague memories that I may have made a similar inquiry in the past, but I'm also low on sleep and caffeine, and those vague memories may be of me trying to figure out how to phrase the question, so... my apologies if I've asked before and forgotten and am now being a clueless ass.

Comments

[derien]

I feel like I should have an answer to this because I'm bi, but I don't, because I'm not really "in the community." I can say that I do get hits when I try searching "Pride Greeting Cards."

[camwyn]

I'm also contending with the part of my brain that's frantically hopping up and down, waving about five reference volumes on English heraldry, and pointing to the part on cadet markings. Since in an armigerous family only the actual head of the house was entitled to bear the house's proper arms, any sons or brothers or whatever had specific design elements they had to add to show that they were not claiming to be the big guy, just in his service. It's trying to sort through the various markings for lesser sons or brothers to see if any of them are suitable for 'yes! I am celebrating Pride, but I am only kin/an ally, and not trying to appropriate your emblems for myself because I am not entitled to them!'. The trouble is that that's about a hair's breadth away from 'NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT' and other really stupid forms of distancing oneself.

Trying not to be an ass. Also trying not to step on any toes. But mostly trying not to be an ass.

[innerbrat]

There is an ally flag/symbol! It is super okay to wear this, and any rainbow with the word "ally" written on it. My experience in LGBT+ circles is that we really appreciate allies - being an umbrella each of us is an ally to another part of the alphabet anyway, and allies are often welcomed into parts of our organisation (bear in mind this is a very white middle class British experience of activism). Share the stuff, make posts about things, be visible in explaining to your fellow straights (especially family that you share with your relative) what the issues are.

I also absolutely okay with allies coming to me and asking "hey is this okay?" - if your relative IS visible in activism it's probably okay to ask them questions.

Does this help?

[cameoflage]

I don't have any prewritten resources saved, but being aroace and nonbinary trans myself, I can at least try to summarise my own outlook? I'm not much of an activist but I do spend a fair bit of time in LGBTQ+ circles. (I could google for guides, but I'm pessimistic about the results I might get.)

As far as I'm concerned rainbows and the word Pride and that kind of very general and broad thing should be fine for anybody to commemorate Pride with whether they're LGBTQ+ themself or not; you shouldn't feel obligated to stick to symbols of straight allyship. I wouldn't recommend using the flag of your relative's specific identity yourself, in the event that you find out what flag that would be, but rainbows are suitable for everyone who supports the community.