Because I promised a certain doomworld...

[camwyn]

VERY LARGE-SCALE LASER ARRAY PROPOSAL

CHIPPENDALE OPTICAL TECHNOLOGIES

Herr Baron Doktor Viktor von Doom, hereditary lord of Latveria, has been striving for the past several decades to establish himself as unopposed ruler of the world, and to elevate his tiny nation to the exalted status of superpower. Unfortunately, his prior plans have been thwarted time and again by different agencies and individuals. As Latveria’s resources - human and material alike - are considerably more limited than those of other nations, Dr. von Doom has opted to take another path. Specifically, Dr. von Doom wishes to begin with widespread name recognition for his home country. It is for this reason that Chippendale Optical Technologies proposes to build the largest array of high-powered etching lasers ever yet seen on the planet Earth. The Very Large-Scale Laser Array’s purpose will be the permanent and indelible etching of the Latverian national coat of arms onto the surface of the Earthward side of the Moon, thereby instantly elevating Latveria to a recognition status heretofore only accomplished by the Coca-Cola Corporation thanks to more than a century’s worth of aggressive marketing.

Similar projects have been attempted in the past, with varying degrees of success. The ‘googolwatt’ class of laser owes its very existence to would-be world conquerors. The first googolwatt laser was built by Dr. Lemuel Evil, working from ordinary CO₂ lasers of the 1960’s. With the addition of a giant synthetic yttrium-aluminum-garnet (YAG) sapphire as its central crystal, his googolwatt laser achieved collimating light intensities capable of disrupting normal atmospheric chemical processes and boring holes in the ozone layer. Unfortunately, the YAG CO₂ laser was finished several years behind schedule, and was never employed for that purpose. A yttrium orthovanadate (YVO₄) crystal was employed for the next googolwatt laser to appear on the scene; it was, in fact, one of Chippendale Optical Technologies’ own early models. The YVO₄ laser constructed by Dr. Feodor Chromedome, at its test-firing, succeeded in inscribing a letter ‘C’ on the surface of the Moon such that the letter remained visible from Earth until one of the more enterprising superheroes restored the lunar landscape several years later.

YVO₄ crystals are very close to ideal as the main components of the von Doom etching lasers. Inexpensive to produce because of their widespread use in communications products- they adapt well to fiber-optic systems- they have an extremely high melting point of 1825° C. This places them second only to rutile (TiO₂) in terms of how much heat stress they can take. Precision in shaping a laser’s central crystal is vital, as the slightest flaw can throw off the collimation of the light beams, resulting in backscatter that fails to accomplish Dr. von Doom’s objective and causes retinal damage to all present. YVO₄ crystals’ Mohs rating is a 5- glass-like in hardness, they are remarkably easy to grind and polish. Their only flaw is that, under ordinary conditions, their maximum diameter is slightly less than half a centimeter.

Fortunately, Chippendale Optical’s primary source for laser and other industrial crystals is M’Kraan Devices, a company with which the lord of Latveria has done business in the past. M’Kraan specializes in significantly oversized crystals, and provided Dr. Evil with the synthetic sapphire that formed the core of his "Death Star" laser on the Moon. Recent advances in their manufacturing processes have yielded truly astonishing results from the other crystals Chippendale Optical proposes to employ: the cobalt-doped magnesium fluoride crystal (Co:MgF₂). Co:MgF₂ crystals, unlike YVO₄ crystals, are tunable- the wavelength of the laser light produced may range anywhere from the infrared up through violet light, easily counteracting the variable albedo of the lunar surface for our purposes.

The primary etching work will be accomplished by the YVO₄ elements of the laser array; there will be approximately fifty YVO₄ units built. Twenty-five Co:MgF₂ units will also be components of the laser array. The YVO₄ lasers will be dedicated to burning the more prominent dark lines comprising the main visual elements of the Latverian coat of arms, whereas the tunable Co:MgF₂ lasers will be fitted with Dr. Chromedome’s Geissman lenses (a proprietary technology of Chippendale Optical) to allow for greater efficiency and precision in detail work. All the laser units will be synched to a CASIX cutting-laser controller, which will be pre-programmed with the Latverian coat of arms as their firing pattern. Power for the system will be drawn from Latveria’s hydroelectric dam, recently completed for several of Dr. von Doom’s other projects- since the dam is not currently in use, this should not be a problem. The system will be disassembled afterwards for such use as Dr. von Doom sees fit. Total cost is estimated to be approximately $222.5 million American.

The Very Large-Scale Laser Array is an ideal solution to Dr. von Doom’s publicity needs. It incorporates readily available modern technology with the kind of grandiose scheme that people expect from the Lord of Latveria. Assembly of the googolwatt lasers will be a relatively simple prospect, thanks to Chippendale Optical’s many years of experience. The fact that most of the technology involved is ‘off-the-rack’ means that opposition will be minimal; every element of the Large-Scale Laser Array’s construction has a legitimate use in telecommunications or manufacturing, with the exception of the Geissman lenses. Even these are not likely to attract attention from non-governmental regulatory agencies such as the Fantastic Four. The lenses are routinely made at Chippendale Optical anyway. In the short-term, Dr. von Doom is assured of his handiwork appearing on the front page of nearly every newspaper in the civilized world, and of a steady stream of television and radio references that will keep Latveria on the lips and in the minds of people everywhere. Doubtless he will not be overly popular with astronomers, superheroes, or the Shi’ar Imperial Fleet in the years to come, but these individuals represent a relative minority of the population and should not present a problem. After all, he’ll still have seventy-five lasers capable of leaving a permanent mark on the Moon under his control, and that thought should be enough to warm any would-be world conqueror’s heart.

Between the publicity generated by the initial use of the lasers, and the bone-chilling knowledge that someone possesses such technology and is not afraid to use it, the world’s nations should be lining up on Latveria’s doorstep to deliver their tribute within a month. And that, after all, has been Dr. von Doom’s goal since the very beginning. This technology solution is within our grasp, and therefore within his as well. We here at Chippendale Optical Technologies hope to hear from the Doctor or one of his representatives soon!

Comments

[camwyn]

As long as I'm allowed to tell people about it at college alumni functions? Sure.